When The Fog Lifts
by JunieMT
Summary: Alt Twilight story begins November of New Moon Charlie POV/Bella POV. After a series of discoveries, Charlie actively seeks to help Bella get past her depression. After opening up to Charlie, Bella devises a plan of her own regarding Edward. AU
1. Prologue

**A/N: This story is just a chance to extend your stay in Forks or wherever else the storyline goes. It picks up in November of New Moon. It will start out with Charlie's POV (I just loved movie Charlie!) and then switch over to Bella's POV and then back to Charlie's POV. **

**It is an "instead" type of story based on an alternate scenario that ran through my head. Mostly, it gave me a chance to address some questions I had while reading the Saga, perhaps some of the same questions you had. I'm Team Edward, and I'm definitely not a fan of a conceited teenager who refers to Bella as "honey." But if you are a fan of Jacob Black, knick-knack-patty-whack, stick around, because I just might throw that dog a bone!**

**Special thanks to **Lori** for proofing this and providing feedback. I'm not sold yet on the title, so it might be changed at some point. **

**Disclaimer: Twilight **belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and I appreciate her allowing the fans to toy with the ideas her books have inspired. I've read some wonderful stories by the fans!!!

**WHEN THE FOG LIFTS**

**PROLOGUE**

"So what about that for you?" Charlie asked.

"Hmmm?" I replied, having half missed what he said.

"College, Bells. Now that you've partially resurfaced from your funk, are you going to start applying to college? You are going."

I suddenly felt my spirit withering away--of all things for Charlie to bring up at this moment. I was handling the conversation about the Cullens and Edward just fine, but I couldn't think that far into the future without being reminded of the past or the current state of limbo I was in---I had plans at this exact moment, but not for college.

"Dad, I'm going to need a little more time to get my bearings before I can make a decision like college, but after today, I do look forward to every and any father-daughter road trips to visit schools, okay? Can we leave it at that?"

Charlie grinned, unaware that I just completely played him. I knew I was taking advantage of the circumstance. In order to get what I wanted, to see him, I would have to lie and continue to take advantage.

As much as I loved Charlie, the thought of finding Edward was just more important. I had two weeks to convince Charlie that I was better.


	2. November 1, 2005

**Charlie's POV**

**November 1, 2005**

"Bells, you got mail today."

"Uh hum," was the only response I got.

I stood in the doorway of her room looking around. It was barren. No more pictures on the wall. No more posters. No more decorations even. She sat in her desk chair staring out the window. Last night was Halloween, and though I didn't expect her to go trick-or-treating, I was hoping she would have showed some interest in the holiday. It used to be her favorite as a kid. The room was just plain and dark. My heart hurt for my only daughter sitting there staring out into the darkness within the four walls of her self-imposed cave.

I turned the volume of her iPod some kind of docking station, or whatever it was called, down, as I walked into the room.

"Okay, how about if _I_ open it up." I rolled my eyes and started tearing the thick envelope.

It was a cream envelope made of heavy paper—too small to be a wedding invitation and too large to be a normal note card. It was square and plain with nothing on the front. I unfolded the card and read it aloud.

_Dear Ms Swan—_

_You have been selected to be among a select few from the state of Washington _

_to participate in a two-week long foreign exchange student program in Italy._

_You are cordially invited to take part in this exciting_

_opportunity. Please reply with a letter of intention by email_

_by November 15, 2005._

I took a step toward her bed and felt a small give to the floor beneath me. The slight creak echoed off the cold walls eerily.

"Bells, honey what do you think? Pretty impressive, if you ask me. Any interest in escaping the country for two weeks, because I've got to tell you, it sounds pretty damn good to me."

She turned her head toward me. "For you or for me?"

I smiled. At least I got a response out of her--an actual gut-motivated verbalized reaction.

"Well I'm a small town meat and potatoes guy, but that doesn't mean you have to be. There's a whole big world out there, Bells, full of lots of interesting people and beautiful sites and even sunny, warm places to see. Someday I want you to be able to experience it all. This sounds like a good opportunity to…."

I stopped. I realized she was already tuning me out and in her own little world within her mind. The only world she has known since they left.

"Are you coming down to dinner?"

She shook her head.

I sat down on her bed and looked over at her, taking her hand while she kept staring out the window. "Bells, honey, this is really tough on your old man. Look you don't have to tell me what happened right now, but the way I see it, you and I are all we've got here in this little house. I know I'm not the world's great conversationalist, but I want you to know you can talk to me. Whatever it is that happened we can figure it out together and get you back on track." She flinched and pulled her hand back.

She looked over to me and nodded, but then turned away, pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around herself, tucking her chin into her knees. I noticed she sat like this a lot, like she needed to hold all the pieces of herself together.

I stood up and leaned in to give her a small kiss on her hair.

"I'll bring you some hot tea." I turned to walk away and she grabbed out to my arm with pleading eyes. I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I'll turn your song back up on the way out."

She released my arm and I walked back toward the iPod, hearing the same creak in the floor.

"Hey Bells, remind me to secure the boards in the floor—Lord knows we don't want you getting hurt before you even step foot out of your room one day." No response.

I turned the sound up and walked out to avoid hearing one of three songs that she keeps on a loop playing for the millionth time since they left. I headed downstairs to make her tea and grab myself dinner. Song #1. God, I was sick of this song.

_Spending my time, __Watching the days go by_

_Feeling so small, I stare at the wall_

_Hoping that you are missing me too_

_My friends keep telling me hey life will go on_

_Time will make sure I get over you_

_This silly game of love_

_You play, you win, only to lose._


	3. November 2, 2005

**A/N: Something to keep in mind directly from original books: Charlie believes what he wants to believe. But, this story is about Charlie not being quite as complacent. Yes he's simple, and he tends to rationalize (like coming up with a reason why Edward doesn't eat), but he's starting to question things too (ya know, like a skill usually necessary for being a police officer, lol). But mainly, Charlie is investing his time and resources into helping his daughter get better. **

****How are you liking being in Charlie's head for a change? Is it a little different? Leave word for me.**

**And if you didn't listen to Roxette's song "Spending My time" at the end of the last chapter and aren't familiar with it, I implore you to go listen to it now from the link on my profile page! There is a reason revealed later why Bella plays Roxette music. **

**Thanks to **Lori** She loves her some QAing!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight **belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and I appreciate her allowing the fans to toy with the ideas her books have inspired. I've read some wonderful stories by the fans!!! No copyright infringement intended for songs. Songs and lyrics belong to Roxette.

* * *

**Charlie's POV**

**November 2nd**

There were more nightmares last night. I can barely soothe her out of them anymore. I had to turn the iPod on and hold her down slightly to calm the writhing and screaming.

I go into work some mornings not knowing if Bella is going to be able to get herself out of bed and make it to school, always fearing she's too sleepy to drive herself if she does manage to get ready for school. The school counselor said she was barely responding in any of her classes and usually kept her head down on her folded arms on the desk. The teachers had said they were trying to be patient because she's my daughter but that it was nothing new for kids to walk around being slightly broken-hearted after a breakup but still alert and functional. They all told me how normal it was for this age.

But I knew Bella's behavior was not normal.

At work I was greeted by Deputy Mark and his wife, Michelle, who had stopped in to have coffee with him. Michelle asked me how Bella was doing.

Do I tell people my daughter is completely torn apart and on the verge of a breakdown? Do I say she is almost unrecognizable and a shell of the child I had known for the past seventeen years, and that this was all brought on by some boy who left town over a month ago?

"I don't know. I guess I just don't get it. She's just letting herself fall to pieces since he left. She's lost all interest in her friends and her schoolwork. She barely eats. She plays the same three songs over and over and keeps herself hidden away in her room," I finally offered up to them.

"Well that all sounds pretty typical to me if she was in love with him," Michelle responded.

"Now hold on, no one said anything about _love_. They only met last March, for God's sake," I snapped.

Mark asked, "Why did they ALL leave?"

"I think the family just relocated for Dr Cullen's job. I guess Edward couldn't handle a long-distance relationship, but I really don't know. I can't get her to talk to me about what happened."

The truth was I didn't know what to think. Bella and Edward were inseparable over the summer. One day I had actually referred to them as _**Belward**_ until Bella looked at me disapprovingly and just said, "Dad, don't." And while it worried me just how far they were taking their relationship physically, I had actually grown to appreciate how much Edward adored Bella and treated her so well. He was definitely more the gentleman than I had ever been. I noticed how he always opened her car door when he came to pick her up or drop her off. I noticed how he walked her to the door at night. I noticed how he helped her do the dishes in the kitchen after meals. I noticed how he didn't eat with us…another truth I didn't know but always guessed he had some severe food allergy or was one of those kids that only drank 1 protein shake a day in the morning. Over the summer, the kids did outdoorsy things that I thought were good for Bella. She seemed to always be such a bookworm and an introvert, but he encouraged her on outings and to experience more to life. I liked hearing about her hiking and playing outdoor sports with his family. I also liked that his family did so much together, including the mother when Carlisle had to work. I didn't see Esme nearly often enough, but she was sure easy on the eyes, as pretty as any movie star.

Michelle disrupted my train of thought, _probably a good thing_.

"Don't you see Charlie? It's not just that they broke up. He moved away. She is feeling the complete absence of him, and the entire family for that matter, from her life—that's got to leave a huge hole—almost the way a death would."

"Well, Michelle, at this point, death might be easier to deal with than this. At least I could take her to a tombstone to visit and get her out of the house," I replied.

"You know Chief, maybe you need to get her to Florida for a little while. Ya see, Forks isn't really the best place to escape depression with all the rain, cloud cover, or lingering fog. A good dose of sunshine and vitamin D might do her a world of good. And no offense Chief, but she might need her mother right now." A quick smile flashed onto Mark's face. "Or, you could always get her a dog, ya know one of those cute little pugs or something.."

Michelle frowned at her husband disapprovingly.

So that's it? Admit I failed my daughter and send her away to Florida? Well, I guess it _was_ a thought. Sunshine, vitamin D, and Renee's enthusiasm?

"Maybe you're right, Mark."

"Hey, hear that Michelle? I might be right!" Mark snickered toward his wife.


	4. November 3, 2005

**A/N: I didn't exactly match up the dates/days to a 2005 calendar-my oversight. Can you all deal with that?**

**Charlie is still trying to learn and sort through new information. Some he'll rationalize and some he'll question. He gets a little emotional in this chapter; give him the freedom to do so. He's dealing with stuff, he's allowed some emo time. **

**Did you notice in the last chapter when Charlie was thinking about Esme he got a little sidetracked? I just figured even he wasn't immune to her vampy "everything about us invites you in" appeal.**

**More Roxette "Fading Like a Flower" This particular song has some double meanings to it!**

**Thanks to **Lori** Cuz her QA is here to save the day!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight **belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and I appreciate her allowing the fans to toy with the ideas her books have inspired. I've read some wonderful stories by the fans!!! Songs belong to Roxette. No copyright infringement intended.

* * *

**Charlie's POV**

**November 3rd**

Last night, I thought about what Mark said. I had waited until after 7 pm and called Renee. I knew it was later there, but I figured she could spare me a few minutes to discuss the deteriorating mental health of her only teenage daughter. I apologized for the late call and explained the possibility of me having to get Bella out of Forks and settled into Jacksonville.

"Is it that bad, Charlie?" Renee asked.

"Renee, do you think I would be calling you to make these arrangements if it wasn't?"

"Well you can't push her. She probably just needs some TLC. First love followed by first heartache is tough on every girl." Renee's words were full of typicality.

"Yeah, Renee, I know, but you should see her right now."

"Now, now Charlie. Bella is used to taking care of things, but heartbreak isn't something any of us know how to take care of or fix. It just takes time. Bella has her own amazing spirit, she'll bounce back from this."

"Are you listening to me? Her spirit is broken, Renee. She's still not eating much. She just sits in her room in this state of nothingness. She's lethargic and…"

Renee offered her version. "You mean like catatonic? Almost lifeless?"

"Yes, that is it exactly." _Finally_, she was understanding this.

"Oh no!" she cried out, and then her voice became agonized. "Oh my poor baby, not again," she whispered. "Charlie, we've got to try to get her out of this before it gets worse. Either get her to open up to you or you can bring her here, but we've got to get past all this and fast." Renee was suddenly direct and adamant but I could hear her stifling a sob.

"Renee, I'm doing the best I can here. We're taking it day by day."

"Look Charlie, Phil and I will have the room ready by next week. I'll cover the airfare this time. I'll call Bella tomorrow and let her know that..."

"No you won't! You let me break the news to her. I'll decide when and if she needs to leave. Why do I feel like there is something you aren't telling me?" I snapped back.

Renee took a second to clear her throat and whisper something to Phil. Presumably it was him.

"Oh Charlie, take it down a notch. Of course, you can decide. I'll call her tomorrow to check in with her and to let her know she is welcome here at any time. And if she doesn't come here right away, then we can talk about me flying out there at some point soon."

"Fine, Renee. I'll let you know how things go. If you do fly out, without Phil, you are welcome to stay here."

"Thanks Charlie. Kiss our baby for me."

Just as we had said our goodbyes, I had heard the screams and made my way into Bella's room.

Needless to say, last night had been another long night.

I was going in late this morning to make sure Bella was going to get to school. In a daze, she staggered through the house, and after having gotten herself dressed and ready to head out, I stopped her just outside the door of her truck.

"Bells, this just isn't right. You won't talk to me. You won't see your friends. I'm thinking it might be best if I sent you to Jacksonville for a little while."

"What? NO! I won't go!" she insisted.

"But Bells…" She cut me off with more conviction to her words than I had heard her speak in over a month.

"I'm going to talk to you, Dad. Really, I am." She nodded her head up and down, looking like she was telling herself more than me. "It's just; I'm going to tell you when I'm ready."

"And when might that be? It's been over a month now, Bells."

"Soon. I promise. You are right, all we have here is each other, so I'll talk to you. I really…I mean, I will. And, I see my friends at school and that's plenty, but maybe I'll call Jessica to go see a movie or invite Angela over soon, but I'm NOT leaving Forks."

She put her head down and made swirls in the stones of the driveway with her foot absentmindedly zoning out on me. I bent my head down to look into her eyes and placed one hand on either of her shoulders.

"Bells, if he comes back and you're in Florida, I'll tell him where you are," I promised.

"NO! I told mom last spring I want to live in Forks and I meant it. Nothing's changed." Her conviction was starting to morph into a breakdown. She trembled and shook under my fingertips.

I pulled her into me to quell her and held her as she began to sob into my uniform. She whispered into my chest, "Do you think he's coming back?"

"I don't know Bells. I'm in the dark about why he left to begin with, but I do know that right now you need to get to school and I need to get to work. Do you think we can talk this over later tonight?"

She pulled back, nodding and wiping the tears from her eyes. "Sorry about your shirt."

"No problem. It'll dry. Until then I'll just refer to it as Dad's other badge." I chuckled lowly to myself.

"I'll see you when I get home tonight, and hey no going into the woods. There's been another bear sighting. Okay?"

She nodded in agreement. After _that _day, I never expected Bella to go into the woods again, but then again, I couldn't be positive she wouldn't go and do something reckless in her current mindset.

******

I got through the workday and headed over to pick up some dinner from the diner on the way home. These days it was hit or miss whether or not Bella was cooking dinner, let alone eating.

She was upstairs in her room when I got home, and when I asked about dinner, she shook her head. I told her I would bring her up some tea in hopes that she was going to let me in, _finally_. I wasn't going to push her, but damn it, I needed something to keep me from thinking she needed more help than I could give her at this point.

Song #2 was playing in the room. Same band. Same concept. Different song.

Did this band sing a nondepressing, nonbreakup song…whoever they were?

_In a time, when the sun descends alone_

_I ran long, long way from home_

_to find a heart that's made of stone. _

_I will try. I just need a little time to get your face right out of my mind_

_to see the world through different eyes. _

_Tell me why when I scream there's no reply_

_When I reach out there's nothing to find._

_When I sleep I break down and cry. _

I finished my dinner and headed upstairs with a cup of tea in hand. In all these days when I felt like I had no words to offer to comfort Bella, I brought her hot tea. It was actually an idea I got from Renee when we spoke a few weeks ago, as she described to me how Bella always made her hot tea after her breakups over the years. I shivered and tried to shake that thought off. I didn't want to think about my daughter having to comfort her mother in that way.

I entered the room and turned the volume down, not willing to sit through the music if she was going to be willing to really talk to me. I carefully carried the tea over to her just hitting that creak in the floor again, exactly. I set the tea on her bedside table and sat down on her bed where she was lying under the covers for a change.

"Alright Bells. I'm hoping we can finish our talk. I need you to talk to me so I can help you get through this, but I need to understand it all first. Can you tell me now? Can you tell me why you two broke up? What kind of a fight did you have to give you these recurring nightmares? Was it…I mean, did something else happen to you in the forest that day?"

I stroked her forehead twice to try to soothe her, the way Renee always used to do when Bella got sick as a child. I waited patiently as her eyes stared down at her hands. She sat up and squirmed linking her fingers together, then apart, then back together.

I waited. I waited some more. When I knew the tea was no longer hot, I stood up squeezed my face into my hands and then extended my arms in a deep stretch toward the ceiling. I could feel my temper flaring and crossed her room to the opposite wall, banging my fist against it —losing grasp on my normally cool and collected Charlie the Chief of Police persona, I suppose. I was still staring at the wall, not being able to bare this any longer. I kept my face hidden toward the wall and felt my cheeks burn. I couldn't face her to say this.

"Alright Isabella. That's it! I'm done with this! I tried! I gave you every chance in the world. Come Thanksgiving break you are heading to Florida indefinitely and I'm going to wait until then because I want you to finish any midterms for," and then she spoke quietly, cutting off my enraged rant.

"I let him go," she said, so softly I wasn't sure I heard her right.

_She_ let _him_ go? Not at all what this small town boy expected to hear, that's for sure. I turned around to listen in hopes she was going to tell me more.

"You mean _you_ broke up with him?" I asked.

She continued. "He told me he was leaving and I froze. I just let him walk away."

With that the tears began—to my surprise, both hers and mine. The fire in my cheeks was being cooled by the streaming salty mixture now running down them. I stood there feeling heartache for her. My frustration and anger melted away as I made my way back over to her side. She sat up and leaned in to rest her head on my shoulder.

"How could I have let him go?" she whispered at my ear, barely with any emotion.

I suddenly had an overwhelming memory—the feelings of watching Renee leave me years ago. I felt the hurt and pain and the anger toward myself in feeling like a nonparticipant in my own life at that very moment.

"And the forest that day? Were you so upset and off balanced that you get lost?"

She shook her head yes.

"So this is it? This is why you have barricaded yourself in your room? All this time, you've just been up here punishing yourself, Bella?"

She shook her head yes again and, oddly, I understood.

"See Bells? Believe it or not, I can understand more than you think if you just let me in."

I hugged her to me. "Don't worry, we'll figure out a way to work through this now. Have you thought about writing him a letter? Uhhh, then again where would you send it? Look, I'm trying here."

She looked at me blankly. No I guess a letter wouldn't be enough anyway—it wouldn't have been enough for me.

I was in my 20s when Renee left me, admittedly far less mature or emotionally capable than my 18-year-old daughter, her current mental status excluded. As I sat there holding my sobbing only child, I was forced to relive my own regret. I realized that this seemingly self-sufficient, brave young woman was not just upset that they left, but that she stumbled through the moment of the goodbye and now regrets not having said what she felt or what she needed him to hear. I know that regret all too well.

I never took a second chance with Renee to tell her how I felt. I just let her walk out the door and start a new life without me, all the while telling myself that it was what she wanted and so it must be best for her, what she needed.

But it wasn't what _I_ wanted or needed.

I've lived with the regret of not telling her what I wanted. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten it, but at least I would have known that I tried.

I don't know if this could in any way be hereditary, but I'd gladly say it was and take on the blame for why my daughter was putting herself through this if I could somehow spare her years of torment that I've known. I still don't know why they broke up and why the Cullens left, but that seemed to matter less now. Bella had revealed enough to me that I knew what I needed to do to help her get through this.

* * *

_Wow, sounds like Charlie is a man with a plan!_

_Like _B_eyonce says, "If you liked it, then you should have put a review on it."_


	5. November 4, 2005

**A/N: I use a mix of references from the movies and the books. We're taking one day at a time. I think Charlie is on a sugar rush from all that Halloween candy. He's still trying to figure things out and comes up with some big plans that have nothing to do with fishing. Gasp!**

**Invites to also read my one shot, "I'll Bring the Wine." **

**Did you see the New Moon extended scene of Charlie talking to Bella about how he knows what she is going through? Trumped! Oh well, I did write this a few months ago. **Lori** will vouch for me! **

**Thanks to **Lori** because when it comes to proofin' she catches my goofin'. **

**Disclaimer: Twilight **belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and I appreciate her allowing the fans to toy with the ideas her books have inspired. I've read some wonderful stories by the fans!!!

* * *

**Charlie's POV**

**November 4th**

The next day at the station, I started my side project of tracking down the Cullens. I was a police chief, for God's sakes, with various databanks at my disposal that I was willing to put to good use for a change. Renee did remember to call last night, and not that I was trying to eavesdrop, but the conversation sounded mostly one sided. I did hear Bella tell Renee she didn't want to leave Forks. I hoped I was going to be able to make that the case.

The story I had heard about the Cullens was that they had moved to Los Angeles. I thought it should be simple enough. Track them down at their new address and give Bella the opportunity to see Edward just long enough for her to speak her mind, say her peace, kick, scream, do whatever she needed to do to get this out of her system, and eturn home. Hopefully then she would stop berating herself over not saying whatever it was she felt like she needed to say…_before it was 14 years later and she is lonely and still beating herself up only to know constant regret. _Only her pain would be worse than mine…at least 14 years later I had Bella in my life, which I was trying not to take for granted.

"Hey Mark, I need your help."

"Sure Chief, what's up?"

"I decided I'm going to try to find the Cullens. I've got a few things I want you to check into for me. If anything turns up let me know."

"Really?" Mark asked in surprise.

"Yeah, I got Bella to open up to me last night and I realized I need to talk to Edward." I could hear the determination my own voice.

"Ut oh Chief, what are you planning on doing, arresting him for breaking your daughter's heart?"

"Hey, would you give me a little credit?" I frowned at him and tried to hide it by stroking my mustache.

Mark laughed. "Okay, Chief. But why do you want to find them?"

I put my hands on my hips, and eyed Mark suspiciously, trying to size him up because I was not sure if he was going to understand this. I was also not sure if I wanted to reveal this vulnerability about myself.

"Uhhhhh, you see, Bella seems to have inherited a horrible trait from me—an inability to say things that should be said when they need to be said. I don't know if there is an official name for that kind of thing but it really doesn't matter what you want to call it."

Mark probed, "I don't follow…what you mean?"

"Do you remember last winter when Tyler Crowley almost crushed Bella at school with his van?"

"Yeah, what a welcome to Forks that was!" Mark joked. I scowled at him but recomposed myself.

"Well I was so overwhelmed with the idea of taking care of Bella full time and so shaken by the thought of almost losing her that first month here that it never occurred to me to thank Edward."

"Thank him for what?"

"For saving Bella's life! Edward pulled Bella out of the way of Tyler's van and then had the decency to escort her to the hospital. And I wouldn't be surprised if he asked his father to check Bella out in the hospital because Dr Cullen didn't normally work the emergency room, as far as I know. But I'm telling you, I was so furious and upset at the fact that something so serious could have taken her away from me that I never even thanked Edward, when really, that's the least I could have done. Hell, I should have sent him a fruit basket or something."

"But what about last year…when she ran off to Phoenix. Wasn't that his fault, you said?" Mark asked.

"His fault? I don't know. I sure did blame him for that too, but just like now, I don't know what really happened."

I turned to the coffeemaker and poured myself a cup. And then I turned back toward Mark, swirling in some sugar, as I thought about last spring.

"Let me tell you something Mark, my daughter can be stubborn and that night she stormed out of town, she took off on both me _and_ Edward. I didn't stop her because I was so hurt and mad when she told me she didn't want to stay with me any longer. Then when I found out she got hurt falling down stairs and ended up in the hospital, I realized I should have been the one that went after her and instead it was Edward and his father. I was so pissed off at myself for not going after her that I felt like it was all my own fault."

I paused to take a sip of my coffee and still felt guilty thinking back to those days.

"And then, well you know, it just seemed easier to blame Edward as the reason Bella decided to leave to begin with and the reason she got hurt. So, I guess I owe him an apology for that time, too, and a thank you for bringing her back home, mostly in one piece."

Mark looked at me and shook his head. "Wow, their relationship sounds way more intense than Michelle and I ever were—and you know we were high school sweethearts."

I guess I got a little lost thinking about that. _Intense. _The day-to-day aspects of their relationship didn't seem intense at all. Hell, the night of her birthday, I came home from work to find them watching _Romeo and Juliet_ for school. Usually they hung around the house doing their homework together on school nights, but there were these unusual circumstances like the van, leaving for Phoenix, her birthday, and now the convulsing, screaming nightmares that really _were _intense.

"Chief, hello?" Mark waved me back out of my trance.

"Mark, she didn't tell me more than four sentences yesterday and it forced me to think about all of this. And the more I think about it, the more it doesn't make any sense. Even when she came back from Phoenix, she became really good friends with Alice. Close enough that she came over daily to help Bella get in the shower, which spared me, I'll tell you."

"And she hasn't heard from Alice either?"

"Not that I know of…"

"Are you sure about finding them? I mean, maybe they should just stay gone." Mark seemed skeptical.

I responded to him, a little annoyed.

"No, I want to find them. I won't expect a happy ending, just a chance to help Bella get closure and move away from this and get her back to normal. If not, I'm going to have to admit failure and send her to Renee. And I don't know if I'm ready to do that Mark."

Just as I wondered how much more I would have to explain to Mark, the station phone rang.

"I got it," I said, glad for the distraction.

"Forks Police, this is Chief Swan," I answered. I listened as the resident repeated a story about a bear sighting and asked if it was real.

"Yes, hello Mrs. Richardson, we have received a few reports but most of the sightings were outside the boundaries of Forks. We are trying to keep tabs on the situation, though," I said to Mrs. Richardson reassuringly. "The best thing you can do right now is to keep your kids out of the woods and not leave any trash outside. Yes, okay, ma'am, you have a good day."

* * *

_Would it have been so hard for book/movie Charlie to thank Edward for saving Bella's life? I like a vulnerable yet determined Charlie, how about you? leave me word._

_Mrs. Richardson is June's mother, a student referenced in __**Midnight Sun**__._


	6. November 5, 2005

**A/N: If you are still sticking with this story, Thank you! There is a lot of good stuff that happens in this chapter. Keep in mind this story won't be Charlie's POV forever, so live it up now! Throw on a plaid flannel and cozy up for some reading. **

**Just a reminder, this is NOT "New Moon" from Charlie's POV. This is an alternate version that picks up in November of "New Moon" that happens to start off from Charlie's POV. **

**Thanks to **Lori** for polishing my story!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight **belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and I appreciate her allowing the fans to toy with the ideas her books have inspired. I've read some wonderful stories by the fans!!! No copyright infringement intended for songs. Songs and lyrics belong to Roxette.

**Charlie's POV**

**November 5th**

Things were as usual last night with Bella. Our talk hadn't exactly helped her snap out of it or anything, but she at least gave my hand a little squeeze back when I held it last night and told her goodnight.

All was quiet at the station today, so I asked Mark to look after things while I went home for the afternoon. I wanted to secure those floorboards in the house while Bella was in school.

I called Billy once I got home to find out if he wanted to see the game on this weekend. While I was on the phone, I mentioned that I was trying to find the Cullens and he asked why I would want to do that. I should have known better than to say anything after the last time we disagreed over the Cullens. Members of his extended family, including Harry and Sue Clearwater, weren't going to the hospital anymore because Carlisle was working there, which I thought was ridiculous. Billy suggested that Bella was better off without Edward. I told him that may be so, but that as her father, I wanted to use the resources at my disposal to help her try to sort this out because she's hurting. I guess we decided to disagree over the matter, but I rescinded my invitation and instead told him we would catch up in a few weeks.

I grabbed my toolbox and headed up to Bella's room. The search for the Cullen family was going to be harder than I expected, but I was still having Mark check into hospitals. I figured the best way I was going to find them was through Carlisle's current place of employment.

I stood in the doorway of Bella's room and closed my eyes, remembering how the room looked years ago with a pale yellow crib and a small white dresser with little yellow ducks on it that Renee had painted. Bella had been a very alert baby and such a happy toddler. I choked up thinking how that same carefree child that made me dance around with her to Barney and Raffi songs now sat, in this same room years later, almost comatose.

I started pulling up the floorboards in front of the desk that went to the length of the window. There used to be a bench seat in front of that window that Renee used to sit on while Bella napped in her crib. She would read and write there while she listened in on Bella's quiet coos and soft grunts. Water damage forced me to rip out the bench seat years ago after Bella had stayed for two weeks in the summer and left her window open, inviting the rain in and causing dry rotting of the wood. I never did get around to fixing the floorboards that were left warped by the water, too.

I pulled the nails out from the floorboard closest to the window, tugging it gently upward to try to salvage the board. It gave way and I looked down to see a small book and piece of a baby blanket. I picked up the book and blew off the dust.

_Journal of Renee Swan 1991_

Could I read this?

_June 20, 1991_

_Today Charlie and I took Bella to the Seattle Zoo. Bella loved seeing all the animals. She laughed at the monkeys. We fed the fish. We even saw polar bears frolicking in the water. I love seeing Bella and Charlie so carefree. Charlie is growing a mustache. I told him I liked it, but I don't really. _

I smiled, remembering that day and stroked my mustache. _I thought she liked this._

_June 30, 1991_

_I took Bella to La Push beach today. Charlie had to work, again. Bella played in the sand with Billy's two daughters. They took turns getting water to build a sand castle. Bella had fun, but this isn't the type of beach I would want to go to forever…barely any sun, no heat. Billy made suggestive comments to me again today. I hope I'm imagining them. What would Charlie think?_

What does that mean? I flipped through more of the journal scanning for Billy's name.

_July 4, 1991_

_We went down to La Push Beach tonight for fireworks over the water. Bella was in awe of the colors displayed in the sky. A driftwood fire was set on the beach that was beautiful. Billy approached carrying Jacob, encouraging him to coo and smile at Bella. Billy eyed our children and spoke words in the ancient Quileute language. When I asked him what he was saying, he simply replied, "The Quileute legends are strong."_

_July 25, 1991_

_When the wolf runs and the bird takes flight, _

'_tween sun and rain, fire and ice,_

_a child will rise for these to unite. _

_Here it is…Billy slipped this piece of paper to me today when I saw him at the grocery store, telling me I would do well to remember this. Again, he stared at Bella like she was the second coming. I reminded him that Charlie was a cop. _

_August 18, 1991_

_Billy's comments were beyond irritating me. They were scaring the hell out of me. Suggestions of legends that tell of a union for their tribe to lead their people and somehow he thought Bella, my 4-year-old, would be part of this. He's off his rocker! Why did he have to be Charlie's friend? Between Billy and Buttcrack Santa's inebriated overfriendliness, I have reason enough to get the hell out of this town. I don't know which of his friends is worse! It was creepy how carefully Billy watched my daughter and asked to hold her. I've never felt the need to be so protective of her. What would Charlie think of this? Would he write this off or believe me if I told him how uncomfortable I am with this? I'll leave this place with Bella if it means protecting her. Charlie won't go with me… I know he won't. If I have to choose, it will be my daughter. _

What the hell was this about? I stuck the journal in my back pocket with plans to pour over it later.

I realized it was getting late so I went back to the floorboards with thoughts of what I just read filling my head like jigsaw pieces trying to match up to each other. I pulled up a few more of the loose boards and neighboring boards, yanking the nails out, making my way toward the door. Closer to the desk, with a little extra effort, I was able to pull up a board that was tightly secured in order to get to the next loose board. Pulling it up revealed another discovery. I looked down to find a few boxes and a thick manila envelope. Damn it, now what was Renee hiding? When did she have time to do this? I realized these boxes were newer with no dust as I reached down and pulled them out. Attached to one of the boxes was a note. I recognized Bella's handwriting, looking more like the way she scribbled out her grocery lists. I read the note and was completely confused by it. I wondered what on earth it had to do with her mother. The last line read, "I love you. Forgive me. Bella." But Bella was crossed out with one single stroke through it and next to it in perfect script read "Edward."

I knelt down, stroked my mustache, and felt lost--lost in my own house! What the hell went on in this room? It was beginning to feel like the Twilight Zone in here. Was this a time capsule? How could Bella have possibly put this under a floorboard? I think "spatula" as the limitation to the tools she can use is an understatement!

I set the new finds on her desk and continued replacing the nails and securing the boards down. Once I was done, I gathered up the journal and boxes, manila envelope, and note, and carted it all into my room. I had no idea what Bella's reaction was going to be to me finding this stuff of hers but I didn't need her freaking out on me if I was supposed to have left it there. Until I figured out her state of mind after school today I sure as hell wasn't going to bring it up—would she be starting with song #1, 2, or 3 tonight?

She came home and went straight upstairs. I heard song #3 start. _Great._

_Make believing we're together that I'm_

_Sheltered by your heart_

_But in and outside I turn to water_

_Like a teardrop in your palm_

_And it's a hard winter's day_

_I dream away_

_It must have been love, but it's over now_

_It was all that I wanted, now I'm living _

_without. It must have been love, but it's over_

_now. It's where the water flows._

_It's where the wind blows. _

Ugh…this was the worst of the three songs. _Was_ it love for them? Why can't she play songs about having a crush? Donnie Osmond's "Puppy Love" would be much better. At least it isn't that song from that bald woman from Ireland—her song and Vitamin R really _don't_ help comfort a broken heart, I should know. I could feel myself rolling my eyes.

I yelled upstairs, "Bells, are you gonna have dinner?" I was answered by the slamming shut of the bathroom door.

I pulled out some hot pockets and was tossing them into the microwave when the phone rang.

"Chief, I think we've found something on the Cullens."

"Great, Mark what have you got?"

"Well, we have information of a Dr Carl Cullen working at a small walk-in family clinic still in Washington. He just started about one and a half months ago."

"The timing sounds right, but I wonder why the name change? Why don't you give me the name and address? Lemme grab a pen." Mark rambled off the information and I thanked him and told him I would be in tomorrow.

I hung up the phone feeling somewhat encouraged and satisfied that I had taken the afternoon off to work in Bella's room today and still got good news about a possible lead. I opened the microwave to retrieve my dinner when I realized song #3 wasn't playing. Instead there was a more melodic tune playing that was unfamiliar to me. There was no singing. It was just a simple piano medley. I barely heard much of it before it ended. Then she let out a loud scream.

"EDWARD!!! EDWARD!!!" I heard her yelling his name at the top of her lungs.

"DAD!!! DAD!!!" she was screaming. I went racing up the stairs bracing myself for what was going to happen this time—convulsions, vomiting, needing an ambulance.

"What is it Bells?"

"Did you see him? He was here! He left me something! Did you talk to him?" She was frantic, with her hands moving back and forth between tugging her hair and waving in the air.

"EDWARD!! EDWARD!!" she yelled out toward the window.

"What are you talking about, Bells? And why is your window wide open? It's freezing out there," I asked, heading over to close it.

"Edward! He was here! He left this for me. Did you see him? What did he say?" She picked up a CD case off the desk. "This was his birthday gift to me that he took with him, but it's here now and he must be here, too, to have brought it back to me." Her words were racing out of her, frantically still but now more _desperately_.

"EDWARD!" she yelled out again toward the window. "Come back, please!"

I recognized what she was holding and realized I hadn't gathered up everything I found today. _Oh boy. _I shut the window, surprised by how easily it slid closed compared to the windows in my room, then turned back toward her.

"Umm, no Bells, calm down a minute. I'm really sorry, but you're jumping the gun here."

"No." She shook her head furiously refusing to believe me. "No! No! He's here! I know he is!" She turned her head and yelled again, "EDWARD!"

"Bells, I found that today under a floorboard that I was trying to secure down."

She looked over at me in confusion. "What? What do you mean you found it? Here? In my room?"

"Yes. And there's more, hold on." I went into my room to retrieve the other recovered items wondering if this was going to blow up in my face.

"Any of this look familiar?" I couldn't tell if her eyes were lit up or not because the sobs overtook her. "Oh Bella, hey, c'mon, I don't want you to get upset over this."

She picked up the note and gently stroked two fingers across the bottom of it. She didn't look like she actually read it, but definitely recognized it. I braced myself for what would be next: screams, blubbering, dry heaving, a trip to the emergency room…

I was wrong.

She threw her arms around me and hugged me, grasping me tightly. I stood there stunned.

"Ehhh, alright. Are you okay?" I asked her, but she just clung to me tighter. I didn't know what this meant, but hopefully this wasn't a hug of comfort she was seeking from me. It felt more celebratory. She pulled away from me.

"Does this note have something to do with you taking off last spring?" I asked.

She nodded.

"Dad, can I be alone for a little while?" I looked down into her eyes and remembered what I read in the note she was holding.

"Ahh hell, Bells, I thought we were getting somewhere. Now you're pushing me away again. You know, last spring when you took off on me and told me you had to get out of Forks, I had the same reaction to you leaving that you're beating yourself up for with Edward."

"Wh…what do you mean?" she stammered out.

"You walked out that door but not before you told me how boring life was with me here in this house and in this town."

"Dad, I apologized to you for that," she reaffirmed to me.

"I know you did honey, but I was hurt hearing you tell me those words and I didn't go after you, either, not until it was too late anyway."

"Dad, none of that was your fault, I didn't want you to follow me."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because…well, I can't exactly explain it to you, but I just wanted to spare you."

"Well you certainly didn't spare me the pain and hurt with your words, but I sure as hell am glad you came back to live here and that says more than any words of apology. And Bells, I'm not going to ask you to explain that note because I know your mother is okay—and I'm not even going to question the fact that you signed it "love," because I'm starting to get that now—I mean why you wrote it in the first place and what your mom had to do with it. But tell me this; were you planning on killing yourself?"

"NO! Dad, it was nothing like that. I thought Mom was in trouble and I was trying to do something to help, I just wasn't sure if I would be able to make it in time."

"And you didn't think to ask me for help?"

"No. I couldn't."

"Yes you could have. I'm your father. I will always help you but not if you shut me out!" I told her this sternly but hugged her back, feeling completely clueless as to what she was talking about still.

Then she released me and went back over to her CD player. She hit play and closed her eyes listening to the music. I watched as she swayed gently and hugged the CD cover to her. Then I witnessed her inhale a long, almost life-reaffirming, chest-raising, deep breath.

As I walked out of the whirlwind of her room, I looked back to see her lips curled up along the edges slightly for the first time in weeks.

* * *

_Remember in Midnight Sun Edward oiled the window? That is why Charlie found it so easy to slide it closed. And the note? That is the note Bella left Edward when she went off to meet James. You guys totally picked up on that, I'm sure._

_Does anyone doubt Buttcrack Santa might have been a little touchy-feely when he was drinking? _

_***Leave me a note under the floorboard if you liked something in this chapter!_


	7. November 6, 2005

**A/N: Coming up on the next morning…was it all a dream? Snuggle into your plaid flannel, it's almost time to shed it. Thank you to everyone who has been reading this story. The numbers show a lot of visitors with a lot of you getting caught up in the last chapter. Hmmm...EDWARD in all capitals grabbed your attention, didn't it? Sorry he wasn't actually **_**there**_** but stick with me, okay? **

**Do you find it a little different being in Charlie's head? I do! Not crowded in there at all! **

**Thanks to **Lori** QAing is her life now!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight **belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and I appreciate her allowing the fans to toy with the ideas her books have inspired. I've read some wonderful stories by the fans!!! No copyright infringement intended for songs. Songs and lyrics belong to Roxette.

**Charlie's POV**

**November 6th**

She played the CD over and over all night. I wasn't complaining though. It was better than songs 1, 2, or 3, and without any lyrics to the music I was at least able to convince myself these weren't wallowing in sadness songs. Still, about 5 am I shut it off hoping for an hour of peace and quiet.

And she slept through the night without screaming, tremors, or nightmares. Though she did seem startled when she awoke to see me sitting there looking at her this morning.

"Hey there. It's just me. eySorry, Bells. Did I scare you?" I asked her.

She looked at me incoherently, then rubbed her bleary eyes and shot up suddenly. "Dad, we found it, right? The CD? Was I dreaming?" she asked.

"Nope we found it. What is it, anyway?"

"Eh…Ehd-ward's compositions." She shook her head slightly before continuing, "It was his birthday gift to me."

"Edward plays piano? Nevermind, of course he does." _What couldn't Edward do? _"Well funny place for it to be hanging out under the floor," I answered. "Though I'll admit, playing it last night helped you get some good solid rest finally."

"Really?" she asked. "I slept?"

"Yep, no screams, cries, or nightmares. You slept almost like a baby."

She grinned and hugged me but suddenly jerked away. "The note? Where's the note?" she asked panicky.

I picked it up off the nightstand and handed it to her. She calmed instantly, then looked at it intently and smiled to herself.

"I was worried none of it happened, but it did." She spoke like she was thinking aloud to herself as she dropped her head back into my chest.

"Dad, I really want this to feel better. How do I make it feel better?"

"I dunno Bells. I was hoping hot tea was gonna do it. You want me to tell you _time,_ because that's what everybody says and it may or may not be true but it only ever sounds like a load of crap when someone tells it to you."

She whimpered—half a laugh, half a cry—into my chest. I patted her back and found myself hesitating at what I wanted to offer to her next. I had to do it though. I had to give her this last chance.

"I've got another idea if you're up for it," I said as nonchalantly as if I was seeing if she wanted to go to the diner for breakfast.

She pulled back from me. "Not Florida!" she yelled back vehemently at me in response. "I know I have the plane tickets to use to visit Mom in Florida, but I just can't go there now."

_The what? _"What plane tickets?"

"In the box you found," she said pointing to her desk, "It was my birthday gift from Dr. and Mrs. Cullen."

_Plane tickets? _I wanted to bang my head against the wall out of absolute frustration with this whole damn family, now. This made no sense to me and only seemed to be further evidence of how much they liked Bella and how well they treated her. I mean, plane tickets really were "treating" her to something special. How did they all just walk away?

"That's a really nice gift, wouldn't you say Bella? I mean, the doctor and Esme must have really liked you, don't you think?"

"I do think so," Bella replied softly. "I didn't even get a chance to thank them. They left without saying goodbye."

Again I thought _plane tickets?_ That was it! The hesitation was gone. This wasn't just about her needing closure with Edward anymore. She needed to reconcile her goodbyes with the whole damn family.

"Well that brings me to my idea. What do you say we take a father-daughter road trip this upcoming week?"

"This week?" she asked.

"Yeah. I know school hasn't been much fun for you lately anyway. I was thinking on Monday we could head out of Forks for the day."

"For how long? I mean, what if Ehh, Ehhd-ward comes back. I can't be. I mean, he won't know. I'll need to be here. " I could hear the panic fluttering and quivering in her voice.

"Well actually Bella, the idea was to go see _them,_" I answered as I braced myself for her response.

I could see the hesitation and excitement in her face all at once. I carefully proceeded and explained to her how I had been searching for the Cullens and how I _may_ have found them.

"You can tell me if you think this is a bad idea and don't want to go. I'll understand. We may not even find them. I don't know how solid my information is."

Her eyes widened. "No! I _want_ to go," she answered.

"Good. Alright. Then we will." I smiled at her and patted her arm reassuringly.

Though I did hope we would find the Cullens, for her sake, I was looking forward to the car ride with Bella. She wasn't back to normal, but she at least seemed more coherent now. I was at least hoping we could carry on a conversation, even approach the subject of this business with Billy and Renee. I needed to figure out when to talk to Renee about it, too.

I stood up and walked over to her window that faced the street. The fog was lingering this morning.

"Well I hope the sun finds its way out today." I said as I turned to leave her to get up.

"Yeah, that would be good," she replied. "Dad was there anything else? Did you give me everything you found, that he left?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty certain that's everything. Why? Something missing?" I asked worrying I had misplaced something in the chaos that was yesterday.

Bella had the note in her hand and kept her eyes down on it. I watched as she ran her fingers through her hair and tugged on the ends then cleared her throat.

"Ummm, no. I guess this was everything that he _would _have left behind." A faint smile graced her face, but I wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Dad?" she asked looking for my attention, as if I wasn't still hanging on her every word.

"Yeah Bells?"

"Do you still love Mom? I mean, you have your wedding picture up on the mantel and…"

"Always have, Bells." I responded way too quickly, cutting her off. We had never had _this_ conversation before. I had always thought she was too young to go into it with her.

"Anything else you need to know?" I asked, but she nodded her head no in response.

"Alright then. I'm heading down to the station. Have a good day, Bells."

"Thanks Dad. Ummm..you too." Her words came out, but her eyes were staring far off, lost in thought.

"You getting up soon?" I asked trying to distract her back to the reality of the morning. I turned and headed toward the door.

"Yeah. Dad, please?" She smiled up at me gently, and I knew what she wanted. I smiled back at her and turned the CD player on as I walked out of the room. How could I resist her? She was talking. She was smiling. She wasn't listening to songs 1, 2 or 3 anymore. _Thank God for that!_

Getting outside of Forks for a bit seems like it would be a good thing. Sometimes I felt like I needed to get out from under the constant fog and suspected I needed more sunshine and vitamin D than Forks provided, too.

_Sooooo what was missing from under the floorboards? What did Edward take with him? _

_Leave word if you are up for a father-daughter road trip._


	8. November 7, 2005

**A/N: So many of you reading my story, so little reviews! Wonder why? Really if there is just one little detail that you smile, laugh, nod, say wow to, anything at all, please I'd like to hear it! **

**One more day 'til the big road trip! Who's excited? Me-me-me! Charlie's in the driver seat and he's gonna get an earful from Bella next chapter!**

**Just finding this story? Invites to read my one-shot, "I'll Bring The Wine."**

**Thanks to **Lori** She loves her some QAing!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight **belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and I appreciate her allowing the fans to toy with the ideas her books have inspired. I've read some wonderful stories by the fans! No copyright infringement intended for songs. Songs and lyrics belong to Roxette.

**Charlie's POV**

**November 7**

"Bells I've got some errands to run this morning, but this afternoon I was going to drop my truck off at La Push, so I was hoping you could follow me there and give me a ride home."

"Sure, I guess. Why are you dropping your truck off there?" she asked.

"Jacob's going to take a look at it for me and give it a tune up."

I secured things at the station the best I could and stopped at Newton's for a new pair of boots, getting home in time to have lunch.

"Ready to head to La Push? You haven't seen Jacob in a while. I bet he'll be glad to see you." She nodded in agreement as we headed out the door and into the driveway. "Oh, and I saw Mike at the store today. He said to tell you to give him a call if you aren't doing anything tonight."

She rolled her eyes in response as she got into her truck.

"What? I thought you liked him?" I asked.

"Strictly as a friend, Dad," she responded.

I laughed. "Well then, good thing I told him I was keeping you occupied for the next few days." I smiled, knowing she was continuing to converse with me.

She followed me closely down the road to La Push.

After reading Renee's journal entries, I wanted to see for myself what Billy's reaction was to Bella around Jacob. Nothing ever really struck me as odd before, though I'll admit when it came to the games being on and Billy and Jacob hanging out in the past, I've never been real observant.

I pulled onto the reservation and made my way over to Billy's house. I met Bella at her truck before she had a chance to get out.

"Bells, do me a favor and don't mention our trip tomorrow, okay? Billy's never been much of a fan."

"Yeah, I know Dad."

"You do?" I said surprised to hear this.

"Yeah, Ehhh…Ehd-ward told me once."

She barely got out his name. I needed to remember to talk to her about that for tomorrow. She was going to need a pep talk to pull herself together. Who was I kidding? I was going to need one, too.

Billy and Jacob greeted us. Billy was full of smiles when Jacob hugged Bella.

"Hey Bella! Where've you been?" Jacob flashed a wide grin at Bella.

"Oh, you know, around, I guess," Bella said quietly.

"Well, you haven't been around here enough," Billy said. "I would have thought you would have more time with the Cullens gone." He leered at Bella, almost like he was looking for a response.

_Oh boy. Great. Here we go. He had to bring up the Cullens, didn't he. _I put my arm around Bella in an effort to crutch her. She almost collapsed into me.

"Well, I've been keeping her busy at the house, I suppose, and making sure she gets her homework done and all." I felt her straighten up.

"So Jacob, I really appreciate you tuning up the truck. It's long overdue."

"Sure, sure Charlie. I'll have it in tip-top shape in a couple of hours."

"Great Jake, I'd appreciate it. Hey Bells, did you know Renee used to like to bring you to First Beach when you were little?" I threw out my bait.

"Ummm..yeah."

"Billy, you remember don't you?"

"Oh sure. Those were great days having Bella here on the reservation. I always knew she would be back someday." Billy grinned like the Cheshire cat.

"Why is that?" I baited him further.

"She was never meant to go away to begin with. Now Bella, how's your truck running?"

"Fine," Bella replied.

"Excellent. You can thank Jacob for that. He put a lot of time and effort into that truck. It's nice to know someone we feel so close to is putting it to use. Isn't that right, Jacob?"

"Yeah. I'm just lucky someone else was willing to take that old monster off our hands." Jacob laughed.

"It's a classic!" I threw the words out there to keep things light.

"Hey Billy, do me a favor? Take a picture of Bells and I." I pulled out my camera and turned to look at her. "You okay with a picture?"

"Now? Umm, I guess," she replied.

"Good. Here ya go Billy. You just push that button right there."

I put my arm around Bella and stood next to the truck. Billy snapped the picture.

"Got it! How about one of Bella and Jacob now?" Billy asked.

"Sure, but just one more of me and Bells. I think I might have blinked." I smirked.

Billy took another picture and with that the camera started to rewind itself.

"Whoops, sorry I guess I only had two pictures left on this roll of film. Hmmmm. I guess I should get one of those newfangled digital cameras like Bella got for her birthday. You got your camera with you Bells?"

"No, Dad."

"Sorry Jacob. We'll have to take a rain check on that picture." I mentally noted Billy's facial expression change. His face dropped.

"Sure, next time!" Jacob beamed. "Maybe when you come to pick up the truck we can get one then."

"Alright, Bells, are you ready to go?" She nodded. "You driving?" She nodded again.

We said goodbye and headed back home. I was really impressed with Bella's driving, though I could have mistaken her quiet demeanor for her being intently focused on the road. I knew better at this point. She had been better, more responsive since I found those things under the floorboards, but she definitely was not back to normal. I was starting to worry about what we would find on our road trip. Maybe we wouldn't find _him_, let alone any of them. If that was the case, would she retreat within herself again? Could she become worse? I don't think I could stand to see her go catatonic again.

"Listen Bells, are you sure about our little trip tomorrow?" I asked. "I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you."

"Dad, you're not. I want to go."

"Bells, you need to be prepared for a few things. I don't know what to expect out there. I can only tell you what I expect from you."

"I know, Dad."

"No Bells, you _don't_ know. Neither one of us know. But I want for you to say whatever it is you need to say, whatever it is that you think you didn't say yet—whether that's to Edward or any of them. I just think you need to be prepared that even though you are speaking up for yourself it might not change anything."

She kept her eyes focused straight ahead on the road.

"And I'm telling you right now, if it does change something, you aren't leaving Forks until after you graduate high school. Agreed?"

"Yeah," she agreed as we pulled into the driveway.

I think I needed to work on my pep talk skills. Maybe tomorrow's talk would go more smoothly. She went in and directly up to her room. I heard the piano recital start as I grabbed myself a Vitamin R and sat on the couch wondering how things were going to go tomorrow. With that, the phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hi. Mr. Swan. This is Angela Weber. Is Bella there?"

"Sure. It's nice to hear from you Angela. Tell your parents I said hello. Hold on a minute." I pulled my chin away from the phone. "Hey Bells, Angela is on the phone."

"I will. Is Bella okay?" she asked me.

"Well, I'm hoping she will be soon. Just be patient with her, okay?"

"Sure," she responded. With that, Bella appeared in the kitchen and took the phone. I stepped out of the kitchen and tried to listen.

"Hey Angela, thanks for calling me back. What are you up to this weekend?" She paused to listen. "That sounds like fun. I wanted to know if you wouldn't mind writing down my assignments tomorrow. I won't be in school." She paused again. "No, I'm fine. My dad and I just have some stuff to do." She paused again. "Okay. Thanks so much Angela. Tell everyone I said hello."

When she turned, I was standing in the kitchen doorway. I smiled acknowledging what she was doing.

"That was really responsible of you, Bells. Tomorrow morning I'll call the school and tell them you might be out for a couple days."

She smiled and hugged me. "Thanks," she told me and then headed back up to her room.

About an hour later, the phone rang again. I answered it only to hear Jacob tell me that my truck needed a little more than a tune up and a new part from a store that wouldn't be open until tomorrow. I told him to hang onto the truck for a couple of days and that I would be fine with using my cruiser until he got it fixed. I thanked Jacob and was about to hang up when he asked if he could talk to Bella.

"Bells, honey, Jacob is on the phone--he wants to talk to you," I called upstairs. I could hear the piano music playing again.

"Tell him I'm busy or something," she yelled down to me.

"Jake, I think she's gonna have to get back to you."

I knew she _was_ busy. She was busy preparing herself for tomorrow. I chugged my Vitamin R down and grabbed another one out of the frig. I realized I needed a whole lot more than a new pair of boots to be prepared for tomorrow, but for me, the Vitamin R pep talk was the best I was going to get.

_**Fyshnikki**__-I wasn't able to PM you like I have the other reviewers, but I wanted to say thank you to you! Your enthusiasm means a lot!_

_You can get a personal thank you too, just leave me a review._

_Do you just love Charlie? My story need a tune up? Got a Vitamin R pep talk for me? Leave me word. _


	9. November 8, 2005 C POV

**A/N: Wow I still can't believe anyone is reading this! Thank you to those of you who have said you enjoy it. **

**It's going to be a long day! And we've got a whole car ride to get through chock full of Charlie rationalizing, theorizing, and philosophizing before….**

**Thanks to **Lori** **

**Disclaimer: Twilight **belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and I appreciate her allowing the fans to toy with the ideas her books have inspired. I've read some wonderful stories by the fans! No copyright infringement intended for songs. Songs and lyrics belong to Roxette.

**Charlie's POV**

**November 8th**

We got into Bella's truck with one goal for the day—finding the Cullens. I tried to seem excited as I turned to her and said, "Are you ready for this?"

"I'm not sure," she answered as she climbed into the truck and fastened her seatbelt. I got into the driver's side and fastened my seatbelt. I realized I hadn't driven her truck since that day I took it to get new tires. As we headed down the road I tried to reassure her.

"C'mon, it'll be fine. Actually, I think you'll do better on this trip than this truck will, but we have to set some ground rules, okay?"

She looked at me wide-eyed. I told Bella I would drive and make this trip as long as we didn't have to listen to songs #1, 2, or 3. She agreed.

"And that song by the bald woman from Ireland," I added. She laughed in response, and enjoying that sound I hadn't heard in so long, I tried to continue with being a _funny Dad_.

"Maybe, just maybe I'd allow that Phil Collins song that was from that movie about the football player, but that's my limit." I replied putting my right hand up in the air like I was swearing to uphold the truth and nothing but the truth.

"Okay Dad, I've got it-no sad songs unless they have some relation to sports." I smiled and muffled a chuckle, thankful to have at least some of my old daughter back, but then she went silent for a while. I looked over at her to see the crease in her forehead was very apparent. Time for part two of my pep talk.

"I'm really glad you've come this far. I need you to stay with me, okay? I know you aren't going to be back to 100%, but I need you to talk to me and still let me in. What are you worried about? They'll be there, Bells. You'll get your chance." _I hoped it was true._

"How did you find them?" She asked me this timidly, almost like she wasn't sure she wanted the answer.

"Well your dear old Dad is a cop, after all; I did some detective work. They aren't as far away as we thought. In fact, they're still in Washington."

All she could answer to that was, "Oh." There was hurt written across her face.

"Are you ready to tell me anything more about what happened between you and him?" I hoped she would be ready.

She shook her head no. "Maybe once we see how this day goes?"

"Alright. How about if I give you some of my perspective then?" I proceeded to convey to her what I had told Mark just one week earlier, how disappointed I was in myself for not expressing gratitude toward Edward for saving her life and how it was easier to blame him for her getting hurt when she left last spring.

She sat quietly, like she was contemplating something or remembering, I'm not sure which at this exact moment.

"Those weren't the only times he saved me, Dad," she responded so quietly that I wasn't sure I was supposed to hear her, but I did. Her words made me tense up, gripping the wheel harshly.

"What do you mean?" I responded anxiously. I watched her twist her fingers together and bend her fingers back, though there was no cracking sound.

"The night I went to Port Angeles with Jessica and Angela to go dress shopping, I kind of got myself into a sticky situation, but Edward saved me," she admitted keeping her eyes on her moving hands.

_Jesus, was there no end to my daughter's bad luck?_

"What kind of sticky situation?" I asked harshly.

"Well…Angela and Jessica were taking a really long time shopping and I kind of was hoping to check out a book store, but it was getting late, so we split up."

"Oh Bella, you don't ever split up from your friends. Have I taught you nothing?"

"I know Dad. It was stupid. I just was so happy to be out of Forks that day and I really thought I would be in and out of this bookstore and get back to them in no time."

"So tell me what happened?" I looked over and could see she was biting her lip now. I knew this was going to be bad.

"Well, I kind of ran into these guys who started to hassle me."

"Guys? How many Bells?"

"I don't know. Maybe four."

"Geez, Bella. Tell me you had your pepper spray with you!"

"Well, I'm not sure if I did or not but I was remembering the self-defense moves I've learned."

"Self-defense against four guys Bella? Jesus! Did they hurt you? What did they do to you?" I was really anxious again and trying to push the truck's speed limit.

"Nothing happened," she said.

"Nothing? How could nothing have…"

"Edward!" she proclaimed his name stronger than I heard her say it since the night she found the CD in her room.

She was adamant in her declaration. "It was Edward!" She looked out the window off into the distance toward the trees lining the road then turned back to me.

"Nothing happened to me because he showed up and basically told them to back off. Then he gave me a ride to meet up with Jessica and Angela." She spoke softer again.

"So what…Edward just happened to show up? Out of the blue, right place, right time?"

"Yeah, I guess he was there doing some shopping or going to a movie."

"Uh huh." I didn't know what to make of this new information but I supposed I should be grateful to him yet again_. If I thought the kid would eat it, I think I was up to owing him five fruit baskets. _

"So am I to believe you two have some sort of cosmic gravitational pull toward each other or something?"

"Dad, I don't know, but yeah sort of, we do. Or at least we did." She averted her eyes and looked out the window again toward the right.

Then I started laughing without trying to contain it this time. "Aww hell Bells, do you think I didn't _accidentally _run into your mother a lot before we started dating? That's the oldest trick in the book. He must have overheard you at school saying you were going shopping in Port Angeles. And let me guess, he had one of his brothers there serving as his wing man? Well I'm just thankful they had good timing." I laughed again shaking my head.

She smiled. "I guess so."

"And nothing happened, right? You weren't hurt or anything? There wasn't any fighting between the guys?"

"Nope. Edward just threatened them."

"Good. I guess I'll add that to my list of things to thank him for, which is what I was getting around to telling you anyway. I'm not going to shy away from saying these things that are on my mind and I'm hoping you have the confidence to do the same today—just say what you need to say, whatever it is and to whoever. If we do see them this might be a one-shot deal. You might not get another chance. And no matter what the outcome, I promise you that if you can do it, if you can really not hold back today, it will just make you that much stronger to face whatever else comes up next in your life, good or bad. Okay? Do you think you can do that?"

"I'm going to try, Dad. Really, I want to try."

"Good Bells. Now next order of business." I reached down into my coat pocket and pulled out the small book I had yet to show Bella. "Take a look at the pages I marked in this, would you?"

"What is it?" she asked as I hesitated. I tilted my head left and right as I waxed and waned about the ethics regarding sharing this with her.

"Bells, this is your mother's journal from when you were little. I found it under the floorboards of your room that day I found your other things. There are some passages in it about the Blacks that I marked. Go on, take a look."

She scanned the pages and I guess I wasn't surprised at what caught her attention. She read the rhyme out loud.

_When the wolf runs and the bird takes flight, _

'_tween sun and rain, fire and ice, _

_a child will rise for these to unite._

"What does _that_ mean?" she asked with surprise.

"Hey Shakespeare, you are the one who always used to have her nose stuck in a book, I was hoping you could tell me!" I exclaimed.

"Well I definitely don't know."

"Has anything ever been said to you by Billy or Jacob that might have something to do with this?"

She thought things over for a minute then hesitated.

"Come on Bells, you can tell me. I need to know." I tried to persuade her gently.

"Well, at prom Jacob showed up with a message from his dad saying 'We'll be watching you.'"

"He what? At your prom? Ahh Bells, why didn't you tell me? You should have told me."

"It was no big deal. I mean, Edward didn't like it, but yeah, I don't know, it is like they are really protective of me. I told him thanks but that it wasn't necessary. I mean, I've got you," she added.

"Damn straight, you've got me!" I added. "What about your mother-did she ever mention anything about this to you?"

"No, not that I remember." Bella lightly cupped her hand around her profile with two fingers landing softly at her temple. I was sure if she was thinking or trying to shroud her face. "Sometimes it is hard to remember too far back, though Dad."

I was agitated and needed to get out of the truck to clear my head for a minute. I pulled into a QuickFill gas station and convenience store.

"Hey, I'm going to stop here for a cup of coffee and to fill up the tank. You want anything? How about a cup of hot tea?"

"Hey Dad?"

"Yeah Bells?" I said, already out of the truck and turning back to look at her.

"Just for future reference, I don't really like hot tea."

"Alright. Good to know." I rolled my eyes. _It figures. Well at least she was forming coherent sentences and expressing her opinion._

"I'll take a Coke." She smiled. "And some Twizzlers!" she yelled out the window.

Once I returned to the truck and we were heading back down the road, Bella looked up from the journal.

"Dad, did you read this part? About Mom being willing to leave Forks if it meant protecting me?"

"Yeah, I did."

"Do you think that's why…" She trailed off.

"I don't know Bells, but quite frankly I'm ready to find out. In fact, I wanted to ask you something. I noticed you have two tickets to Florida and whereas I don't think one of those tickets was originally intended for me, (_and I cringed at the thought of that!) _I was wondering if you and I might not go pay a visit to Renee over Thanksgiving break. If there was something behind her leaving, then I want to know about it. Plus, I've got just as much to tell her as I do Edward that I regret not having said sooner."

"Dad, I mean she's married now and happy. You can't just go there and…"

"Yeah Bells, I know. She's moved on and happy with Phil, and I'm sure it is just water under the dam, but still it should be said. I accepted the fact that your mother moved on a long time ago. I'm happier that she has settled down, even if it is with a guy who could never cut it in the majors." I smirked to myself. _I never did like watching minor league baseball. _

"Bridge, Dad."

"What's that, Bells?"

"The expression is water under the bridge, not the dam."

"Ohh. Well, trust me Bella, with your mother, it could have been a dam!" I smiled_. Renee was a force to be reckoned with, that was for sure. _

After about one and a half hours of driving with only a few wrong turns, I made my way to the address I had scribbled down. I pulled just onto the edge of a long drive that led to a house that sat way off the road surrounded by trees.

"Well, I think this is it," I said.

Bella's eyes widened at the site of the house, almost like something very familiar struck her but I couldn't tell what that was.

"Bells, breathe. What is it?"

"It's them, Dad. It's definitely them." She wasn't looking over at me. Instead she was focused on the scenery beyond the house.

"How do you know?"

"I just….feel it."

"Alright. Well, I guess it's good to have instincts. If you are sure about this, then I thought we could backtrack to the clinic where Dr. Cullen is supposedly working today and…"

"And then I need to come back here on my own," she demanded.

"By yourself? Ut uh, no way Bells. That's not how this is going to work. We don't even know for sure if they live here."

"Dad, please," Bella whispered to me with pleading in her voice, her face, and her heart, completely catching me off my guard.

I dropped my tone and could feel my face wrinkle as I looked at her.

"Do you think you can do this by yourself?"

She swallowed hard. "Yeah, Dad. I think I can."

There she sat in the truck with…determination? My daughter who had been a withering flower only a couple of weeks ago was now telling me she wanted to take this on, all on her own. I'll never understand the effect of this boy, leaving her crushed one month and hopeful the next. _God, I hope this doesn't ruin her again._

I jiggled my leg and stroked my mustache struggling over whether I could let her go it alone.

A cop wouldn't leave her.

A father wouldn't leave her.

"Bells, you've always been stronger than you look. Remember that for me." _I'm not sure if it's kickoff time or if we are down to the final seconds in the game, but if baby bird is ready to jump out of the nest, then let's hope this Swan flies. _

*****A/N:** **Awww you gotta love Charlie. A****ny thoughts on what is going to happen next? The next chapter will be the best so far. **_**I hope**_**. But the chapter following that has been difficult for me to write and that is why I have been delayed in getting chapters up. **

_Did you like revisiting some of the details from Twilight? Feel free to let me know. Reviews are like calorie-free chocolate cake!_


	10. November 8, 2005 B POV Part I

**A/N: Bella is in the driver's seat now. Best to buckle up! That old truck isn't as reliable as you might think!**

**Regarding the 2 songs in the last chapter Charlie was referring to:**

"**Nothing Compares to You" –Sinead O'Connor / **"**Against All Odds" –Phil Collins**

**Special thanks to **Lori** for proofing this and providing feedback. **

**Disclaimer: Twilight **belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and I appreciate her allowing the fans to toy with the ideas her books have inspired. I've read some wonderful stories by the fans!

* * *

**Bella's POV (Part I of II)**

**November 8th**

Until we pulled into that driveway, I didn't think we would really find _him_ today. I was just looking to escape my room, school, Forks, and the abyss of numbness I had allowed to swallow me since that day in the forest. If _he_ didn't exist, then I didn't want to either, but existing, in the sense of just getting by, was all I could do. Death is easy; life was harder. Just existing was a comfortable state of nothingness somewhere between the two.

I almost hoped we could out-drive the rain. I was glad to get away from the looks of Jessica, who clearly thought I was pathetic, the hungry and impatient eyes of Mike-_and he said Edward looked at me like I was something to eat-_and even Angela's sympathetic pout.

Yesterday morning, while Charlie was out running errands, I had driven to their house outside of Forks and sat there waiting in the driveway, as I had done once a week since they left. My normal routine was to sit in my truck holding his "_Be Safe" _note like rosary beads and silently praying he would be there, but yesterday I had two notes to hold and doubled the prayers. Still, I had gotten out and knocked on the door knowing there would be no answer. They weren't there. They were never there. The house and I were the same—visible structures to the outside world but two empty shells, both of whom had been abandoned by the Cullen family.

I hadn't told my dad why I thought it was their house just now, but painted on the post of the mailbox below the house number was a symbol that looked like the Cullen crest. I wasn't sure of it, but I wanted to believe it. As I had looked out at the tree lined scene behind the house, I could see how they could live there. I envisioned Emmett and Jasper disappearing into the area to go hunt. I imagined Alice and Rosalie emerging gracefully from the greenery as if they had just been on a nature walk, rather than depleting the local wildlife. I had to hold myself back from my fantasy of leaping from the truck, running all the way up the long driveway, and then, desperate and out of breath, jumping into Edward's arms just as he emerged from the front door and was descending the porch steps.

I was nowhere near ready.

It still didn't make sense. Why would they be this close to Forks? _Then again, why wouldn't they be? _The Olympic Peninsula offered them more days outside than most locations they had lived so I could see how that would fit. _Fit_, like pieces of a puzzle. A _mental jigsaw puzzle_, that's how Charlie had always referred to police work and how to go about solving a case. Up until Charlie found the note, CD, and plane tickets I had no puzzle to solve, only shattered fragments of thoughts, memories, and feelings jumbled and lost in the cloud cover and drenched in the rain. Now I clung to the hope that seeing the crest at that house was another piece, and I had four corners to a picture that would be formed more clearly today.

As we pulled into a parking spot at a small 24-hour emergency care clinic, I realized what a cloudy, rainy day it was and wondered if Carlisle could actually be here. According to Charlie, because there was no working odometer in the truck, we were approximately six miles away from the driveway. I glanced around the lot inconspicuously but didn't see Carlisle's black car. It was doubtful he was here. I walked around and hesitantly met him at the driver's side door.

"Don't worry, I called earlier and asked if he would be in today," Charlie said to me as we both got out of the truck.

"Did you talk to him?" I spit out anxiously, perking up to what he had just revealed.

Charlie grinned in response. "No, I just pretended to be a patient. Sometimes lying is a big part of getting what you need, Bells. Of course, then my cell phone lost its signal mysteriously." His grin widened displaying his pride in his resourceful deception.

"He's here? Really?" I froze in unexpected conflict—to stay and see Carlisle first for myself or to find _him_. If Carlisle was here, in this town, then so was Edward. The thought tingled down through me, prickling even the outside of my skin.

"Well there is a Dr. Carl Cullen working here. I'm just going to find out if it's who we think it is."

_Carl? Maybe it wasn't the Cullen crest on the post. _My nerves dipped and the numbness of the last month crept in to hold me securely in place.

"Look Bells, I was thinking…I'll go in and investigate. If it's him, then I'll try to have a talk with Dr. Cullen while you head back to the house. It may take a little while, after all, I'm just kind of waltzing into his place of work unannounced. Don't worry about me, though. I've got my phone. Take as much time as you need and call me when you're done."

I nodded in silent acknowledgment.

"Remember what we talked about, okay? No matter what happens, I love you kid and I need you to get better. It's killed me to watch you go through this and not know what to do for you." He choked out the last words and hugged me so securely it was like he was trying to give me strength through osmosis. The resurfacing numbness was forced back.

"I know Dad. I'm sorry. It just felt like I was drowning and I knew your hand was outstretched trying to rescue me but I couldn't reach it, not until last week."

"When I found your stuff under the floorboards?" he asked as he released me from the embrace but kept his hands on my shoulders to meet my eyes.

"Well that, and when you told me you wanted to find them. I had been hoping so much that he would come back for me that I never thought about trying to find them. Dad, that day, it was like for a perfect moment the sun was shining in Forks as bright as it does in Florida, and I could see to reach out and grab your hand and let you bring me to the surface."

"Oh, here." I released from his shoulder grip and reached back into my bag in the truck and pulled out a thank you note I had written to Carlisle and Esme for the tickets. "Umm, can you give this to Dr. Cullen, if you find him, for me…in case I don't see him."

Charlie smiled at me, and I knew it was because he was pleased that I was coherent enough to take the time to write a note. I stood there torn for a minute. I wanted to go in and see Carlisle, too. Maybe seeing him first before seeing _him_ would make more sense. Or maybe he would let Edward know I was here and alert him, making him run off? Maybe Edward would be close enough to read Carlisle's mind and take off.

"Here, take this," Charlie said handing me yet another can of pepper spray, "and call me if there is any problem. I don't care if I have to flash my badge and commandeer a car or run all 6 miles, I'll get to you. And if there is any sign of trouble you get back in your truck and turn around without giving it a second thought." I nodded in agreement. _Pepper spray. Well at least I knew who that wouldn't work on this time._

I climbed back into the truck and headed back to the new Cullen house, to see _him_ again.

If it was them, I still was not ready.

At each stop light, my heart raced and eased with the flow of the traffic. And as much as I was concentrating on finding my way back to that house and seeing Edward, there was something nagging at me-my mother's journal.

She wrote that she would leave to protect me. Isn't that what Edward had told me on more than one occasion? That he would leave me if it meant protecting me? Or that he wanted me to go to Jacksonville to keep me from harm's way after James tried to kill me? Is that what everyone's motives were-leaving and going for my protection no matter who got hurt in the process? Wasn't Charlie hurt when Renee left? He was obviously hurt when I walked out on him, but at the time, I had to. How else could I have protected him from James and Victoria? That was the only way. Could it have been so with Edward? Did he feel this was _necessary _to do? Was my hurting and suffering these past weeks _necessary_?

The thoughts swirled around in my mind and suddenly I felt filled with intensity of anger and anticipation. It felt…good! Finding Edward's CD and the note caused such a feeling of surprise but those feelings had simmered. The findings were a beacon glimmering hope out toward my lost heart but a beacon that was off in the distance, shadowed by the murkiness of the fog. I liked feeling this now—anger trimmed with determination. But just as I turned into the long drive, my engine cut out, and with it, my heart lulled. As I turned the key, I heard the roar of the truck and the thump of my heart simultaneously, jolting me like a scared cat and banishing my anger.

I would be face to face with _him_ soon. I felt almost ready.

I pulled my note out of my pocket. He wrote "Love Edward" but left the note in a place where I was sure not to find it. Ugh, why did he always have to be so cryptic and paradoxical? Why did he have to leave?_ Edward, why did you do this to us?_

Stall again.

"Crap!" _What is going on with my truck_? I turned the key again and gave it some gas. The engine raced in unison with my heart. I put the truck in drive and made my way about three-quarters of the way up the driveway deciding that walking up the remainder of the drive would give me time to get my heart and breathing under control.

I wondered if Esme at least would be happy to see me or maybe Alice would welcome me, even if _he_ didn't. Would they be my allies? If they had left to protect me then I didn't need to give them forgiveness, just understanding.

_Edward I'm here. Edward I'm here. Edward I'm here._ I slowly chanted in my head somehow hoping he could read my thoughts here outside the thick veil of Forks' fog. What if he did hear me and left to avoid me?

I shook his name out of my head and tried to focus on a happy reunion with Alice. I would tell her that I miss her at school. I'd tell her she could take me shopping or let her dress me up, anything to spend time with her.

_Wait!_ I panicked and stopped in my tracks. What if she saw me coming? Would she have had a vision and given me away to _him_? Would _she _have even told him? Would _he_ have already left to avoid me?

I carefully got out of the truck, tried to shut the door quietly, and made my way up to the house. It was not as big as their house outside of Forks and much more modern looking with slanting roof lines, wall height windows on the first floor, and slate gray siding that coordinated with the colored paver walkway that led me to the front porch steps.

I stumbled as I reached the top step but regained my balance as my hand made contact with the railing and hesitantly knocked on the door, holding my breath. I felt my heart flutter, echoing the knock.

_Please be Alice or Esme if it's not him…or let it be Emmett or Jasper, anyone but..._

"Rosalie!" I gasped as the door opened.

Despite the coldness she expressed on her face, I could feel myself smile widely. I had found them, my extended family _for all intents and purposes_, and I wanted to wrap my arms around her and breathe her in to make sure she was real…that _they did exist_.

Just as I automatically took a step forward, pulled in by two intermingling forces-the same curiosity I had seeing them in the cafeteria my first day of school and an underlying familial connection I had toward her, the door slammed in my face.

"Go away," she yelled out, "you've done your damage to my family."

I felt the whoosh of air hit me from the door closing. I couldn't breathe and dropped my hands down to my knees trying to reclaim some air. _This must be what it feels like to be punched in the stomach._ It was them. They were here. I was here. _He_ was here. My heart thudded vehemently, stung by disbelief and overwhelmingly jolted by the realization.

"Please…please, I need to see him," I choked out, pleading. It would have barely been audible to a human standing next to me let alone through a closed door.

"He's not here. Happy now? You can leave." Her voice was as cold and hard as I knew a vampire's skin to be.

"Alice?" I begged.

"Not here either—you took both of them out in one shot. If you stick around you're sure to desecrate the rest of us."

"What do you mean?" I cried out desperate to understand her words.

"I mean that Edward took off and Alice went to live in Denali. You've broken up my entire family. Now go away before I break my fifty-plus-year clean track record because trust me Bella Swan, you are so not worth it."

_How could I trust Rosalie?_

"Esme?" I pressed.

"**Human misfit**, are you getting this? They. Are. Not. Here!"

"Rosalie, please. I…I just want to talk to Edward. You're right. I _**am**_ a human misfit because I've been part of your world and I've been lost without him…without all of you. If you could just tell him I want to see him."

_Hopeful silence. _

"If you could just...please just tell him that I found my note. His note." My voice cracked. _Our note._

_Fragile silence. _

"Please," I tried again. "Please tell everyone I miss them, including you Rosalie."

_Patient silence. _

Then I remembered something I needed to tell Rosalie-something I needed to say now. I took a deep breath and remembered Charlie's words. Ironically, he didn't know he had even more to be thankful for regarding the Cullen's. I did.

"Thank you, Rosalie…for protecting Charlie last year from Victoria when I ran off to Phoenix. I'm sorry if I didn't say so sooner. And thank you for the necklace for my birthday." I stopped, suddenly realizing that it had not been with my group of gifts my Dad had found. I never got a chance to open the box and see what it looked like even.

_Melancholic silence. _

I took my hand up to the door and pounded my fist once out of frustration and grunted.

"EDWARD! Are you in there? Please talk to me. Please, please, please! I'll HURT MYSELF! I'll shed blood everywhere! You'll have to come out! You won't be able to stop yourself!"

_Desperate silence. _

I banged on the door again and looked back down toward the truck and called my own bluff. How could I do that to Charlie after he's done so much to try to help me get here? But how was I going to walk away not knowing if he is in there? How could I possibly trust that Rosalie—the one Cullen who never liked me at all-would tell me the truth? After all, _it is_ part of their makeup to know how to lie, how to use deceit to prey on their victims. Edward told me so in the meadow. How long could I stand out here waiting? With a heavy stomp, I turned and headed to the truck, crushed and frazzled.

_Defeated silence. _

If there was an absolute opposite to _his_ dazzling, then that is how I felt-u_ndazzled _and defeated.

When the damn truck didn't start up, I began cursing out of more frustration. "DAMN IT!" I got out, slamming the door sending rust specks flying through the air, and kicked the tires. "GOD DAMN, NO GOOD, STUPID PIECE OF QUILEUTE RUST!" I yelled. Just as I was ready to throw myself on the ground and cry, Rosalie appeared mid rant.

"Here, let me take a look at it," she demanded shrilly but in her harmonious voice, reminiscent of the voice I missed most. I gasped, taken by surprise with her sudden presence.

"WHAT? You want to help me now? Why?" I snapped, still enraged and disgusted by the situation.

"Because your truck obviously isn't starting and the sooner I can get it fixed, the sooner I'll be rid of you!" she snapped back at me, breaking my angst.

"Oh, right." _Since she put it that way._

Rosalie popped the hood and started to tinker. I stood there watching her in awe, trying to study her face, taking in the pale skin, amber eyes, and hint of sparkle where a single, narrow ray of sun was now slightly shining through, hitting the wrist of her outstretched arm.

"The carburetor was stuck. Go turn the key," she directed me.

The truck started and she motioned to me to come toward the front of the car. She pulled a clip out of her hair and showed me a small flap that sat in a small black cylinder.

"See this flap? It needs to be up. Next time your truck doesn't start, use this to clip the flap to this outside rim here, like this, and then turn the key. It should work every time." She smiled faintly in response, amused with her own satisfaction in fixing my car.

"Thank you, Rosalie. And, I'm sorry." I could feel the tears streaming down my face as again I stood there taking her in and realizing the truth, _that it had been real_—everything with Edward, with the Cullen's, with the love I felt. I couldn't help it. I wrapped my arms around her to prove to myself that my eyes weren't lying to me.

She flinched and then carefully pried me off of her almost immediately. "Okay Bella, why don't you turn the truck off and come inside, if you would like, just no more talk about spilling your blood. Esme would be terribly disappointed in me right now, and if I can't do right by her, then I have even less of my family left than I thought."

I looked up at her incredulously then felt myself floating back over to the ignition to pull the key. She, of course, beat me up the driveway but waited at the top of the paver walkway for me. I followed her into the house, taking in the strange familiarity of the inside—white walls, large screen TV, and a large open staircase. She motioned me toward the couch in the living room, where she stood as I sat.

I opened my mouth again to ask about Edward as I looked around but she realized before I could ask.

"I assure you, no one else is here right now," she said almost politely. I nodded in response and then let my eyes drop from her gaze.

Bella, I'm not going to stand here and grovel, but I guess I do sort of owe you an apology. And Edward, I suppose. In the beginning I was jealous of Edward's admiration of you because he never extended a bit to me. In fact, I wasn't sure he was even capable of admiring anyone or anything, but Esme helped me get past that when it came to you. Then I think I just spent so much time worrying that if things ended badly between you and Edward how it would all affect me and my family. Until things happened that night with Jasper, I never really thought about how everything affected _you_."

My head shot up. "How which part affected me? Because if you're talking about you guys leaving, well then, take a look Rosalie…things ended badly and I've just been drifting like a ship lost at sea up until last week."

"Well no, I meant the fact that while you two were together, how much _you_ were in danger from us and what a risk it was for you to be part of our world."

"And you didn't realize any of that until the night of the party? Hello, do you not remember James? Here's a little reminder!" I pulled up my sleeve and shoved my arm out exposing the double crescent-shaped scar.

Rosalie gasped lightly and looked away. I guess with her vanity, the scar was too much to handle, but it wasn't enough for her to back down.

She snapped back at me, "Well guess what Bella apparently I was right to be worried about my family because things ended badly and now the people I love the most in this world are paying for it one way or another."

I pulled my arm back and fixed my sleeve. "It's not my fault. I told him to change me! I wanted it! I wanted to be with him forever. Rosalie, you have to know that I love him. I would have gladly died for him. Did you not see the video recording? Please, I just need to talk to him. Please help me talk to him."

She stood quietly, eyeing me up and down with skepticism.

"Bella, did you really want to give up being human to be with him?" she said more softly now.

I nodded yes and thought back to the prom. _Do they all just think I'm a stupid teenager with a crush?_

"I'd give up all this pain I feel not being with him. I'd give up the…UGH…the agony I feel not knowing where he is and if he's safe." I said as I threw my hands up in the air.

"Bella we feel pain and agony, too. To be one of our kind does not spare you from feelings—you don't go numb. In fact, you feel everything with more intensity and precision."

"Rosalie, you know what I mean. And if he's out there and in pain and agony the way I am, then I need to find him, to save him…just like he saved me from James when I took off on him. That is, I guess, _if_ he is in pain."

Rosalie stared me down with blackened rage-filled eyes. Her face was so hard she looked less than the 100% beautiful creature she was, but I didn't back down. I stared right back at her and didn't move my stare from hers.

"You know I don't have to blink, right? You can't beat me at a staring contest."

I blinked but continued to try to hold her gaze steadily.

"What makes you think he's out there in agony or pain?" she asked me snidely as she crossed her arms.

"I don't know. I just don't know! Geez, he might be. He might not be. He might be too distracted to think about me." I winced at the thought and felt the pain of those words he spoke to me but then I remembered my note and inhaled deeply. "It's just that last week, my dad found some things under the floorboard in my room that I'm sure Edward put there, including this."

I unzippered my coat pocket and retrieved the two notes I now carried around with me, handing her the one he left under the floorboards and carefully returning the other to my pocket.

Rosalie read the note carefully. Then she closed her eyes, took a long dramatic, and unnecessary, deep breath like she was mimicking me, reached down into her pocket and pulled out her phone. I felt my eyes brighten with hope involuntarily as I watched her dial.

"Edward, it's Rose. I need to talk to you. I need to…apologize, and you know I don't do that often, so be sure to call me back as soon as you get this."

She looked over at me, her eyes softer now, shifting to twinkling, like gold and diamonds do under fluorescent lighting. "I didn't think I should tell him you were here with me. Is that okay?"

"Yeah. Sure. It's fine." I could feel the air rushing onto my pupils then blinked twice in disbelief of what she just did…for me.

"I don't know if he'll call back. We've tried calling him before and not heard back from him once. He told us all not to contact you, but Bella, I can see now that you have been hurting as much as our family. I'm sorry it took me so long to even consider that might be the case, to realize this."

"Well I'm sorry it took me this long to realize I needed to come find Edward but since he left I've been, well…I haven't been myself," I said softly.

"What made you decide to?"

"Ummm…a bunch of stuff all at once, I guess…but mostly my dad. He's over talking to Carlisle right now."

"The chief's here? Really?" Rosalie moved over to the couch and sat beside me, crossing her legs and fingering her long pale hair.

"What happened with Alice? Is she okay? I miss her, terribly. A lot more than that, actually." I asked interrupting Rosalie.

"Are you sure you want to know?" she asked, all pretenses aside.

I nodded for her to continue.

"After your atrocious birthday party, Alice was really upset with herself that she hadn't been able to predict Jasper's….indiscretion. She blamed herself that you got hurt and she blamed Jasper. When Edward wanted us to leave, she completely became beside herself and shut down. She's cut herself off from Jasper and decided to go stay with some others like us up in Denali. Esme is there checking on her now."

"What? Nuh-, Nuh-, NO! But how could she do that? I mean, she and Jasper belong together. Why would she cut herself off from him like that?" I was horrified and felt sick over what I had caused.

"I don't know _why_. _Why_ did Edward leave you? None of it makes any sense, but sometimes when it comes to blame and love, we all think irrationally. And when situations feel like they've gotten out of control, we make a choice to do something that makes us feel like we have some sense of control, even if it's a false sense of control. Esme says that usually the choices made under duress are the ones that end up hurting us the most, or even worse, hurting the ones we love the most."

As I sat there listening to her words, I actually felt like Rosalie Hale was trying to console me.

"Alice hasn't had any visions, as far as I know, and she feels like she is walking through this life blind all over again."

"I wish I could talk to her, to tell her this isn't her fault. Rosalie, you have to know I didn't blame any of you. I wasn't even upset. It was just Edward….I think he didn't know how to handle it or, I don't know, he just didn't realize…"

"Bella, why are you here?" she cut me off sharply, though without sounding frustrated with me like earlier.

"I just…I think that maybe, I mean, I at least hoped that I could talk to Edward because I think when he left he caught me so off guard…I just need to tell him how I feel about him because I don't think I was clear enough the day he left," I said, trying to take everything on myself.

"I see. Hmmm, Bella, I'd like to share my story with you regarding how I became a part of this life. Would that be okay?"

"Of course Rosalie, if you'd like."

"Good, but in return, I'd like you to tell me what Edward told you and what led you here today. Oh, and I want you to call me Rose, that's what I let my friends call me, not that I have many of them," she smiled and winked at me.

"Fine," I answered and then we both heard my stomach rumble. "I could really use a cup of coffee and a snack…I don't suppose." I trailed off looking around for the kitchen.

"I'll drive us into town. It is a rainy, cloudy day, after all. Come on, follow me."

Rosalie led me to the garage. I heard myself gasp at the sight of his Volvo parked next to her BMW. My heart started pounding and my mind was racing trying to sort through details of that conversation during our ride home from the restaurant in Port Angeles, remembering how it felt to see his car in my driveway the next morning, and flashing to the day over the summer that Edward had taken me to a secluded dirt road outside of Forks and encouraged me to drive his car fast. I felt the thrill of getting the car up to 100 miles per hour, and I remember how Edward's half smile easily morphed into a full blown smirk at me in satisfaction.

"_WOW! That was unbelievable!" I exclaimed. Edward leaned over to kiss me lightly on the lips from the passenger seat._

_"How do you feel?" he asked with hopeful eyes. _

_"It's definitely an adrenaline rush." I said with excitement._

_"From the speed or my kiss?" He was teasing me again. _"_I knew you would like driving fast. It__'s a requirement to being one of the eternally damned, you know." _

"_So I guess I'll check that off my list then," I replied taking the opportunity. He frowned. _

"_Bella, the only list you need right now is one to keep track of your college prospects."_

_I scowled. He scowled back and then leaned over to kiss me sweetly on my shoulder._

"_C'mon speed racer, give it another go."_

I hadn't let myself think back to that day until now. _I had him!_ I had him that day! He was considering it—he was considering the possibility of me being with him as a vampire. Why had I not realized that until now?

Obviously, Rose heard my heart's reaction. "I swear to you he's not here. He just left this car with us. He should have left the Aston."

"Oh." I replied still lost to my memories.

"I have his key. Do you want me to drive you in it?" she asked. I nodded to say yes. As I got into the passenger seat, I felt closer to him, _further proof that he did exist_. I allowed my hands to smooth the leather and take in the heady scent of Edward that lingered in the car. I put my head back and sighed, feeling a new ache in my heart. _I miss him. I don't just want to see him. I long to be with him. _

"I know. I can smell him in it, too." Rosalie looked at me sympathetically but then attempted to cheer me up. "I will say this about my brother, as far as vampires go, Edward's scent has always been fairly appealing, sweet even."

"Really? What does he smell like?" I whispered.

"Umm, it is like a mixture of honey, lilacs, and something else I can't quite describe but like being outside on a warm spring day. It's much sweeter than Emmett's rugged outdoorsy scent."

"Sunshine." I replied softly.

"Where?" she asked holding her left hand up and examining it.

"Edward, I used to tell him he smells like sunshine." I admitted quietly for fear she was going to make fun of my assessment.

"Wow! That's it! I never would have thought to call it that because brooding doesn't exactly scream sunshine." Rose laughed at her own joke and then smoothly pulled out of the garage and proceeded to tell me about the events leading up to Carlisle finding her and changing her. I was horrified at the tale of how her own fiancé, Royce King, unexpectedly allowed his friends to attack her one week prior to their wedding. "I couldn't fight them off, but I tried to reason with them, appeal to some sense of practical human decency, but they were drunk. When it was over, they left me for dead in the street." She even admitted to going back and killing them and how she saved Royce for last so he knew she was coming for him and dramatically showed up in a wedding gown to avenge her attack. Rosalie's record was not spotless the way I had once assumed it was. In return, and as promised, I told her about the breakup in the forest.

"My God, he really is an idiot. And in the forest of all places? That makes absolutely no sense at all. He knows the dangers the forest cloaks. God what was that S-M thinking?"

"S? M?"

"Yeah, that brother of mine is a sadomasochist."

_A "sick, masochistic lion"_ _were his exact spoken words._

My heart fluttered at the memory, and though he was not here, I felt closer to him than I had in weeks, and it made me feel…alive. I sat silent for a moment before answering her, "My dad was furious over the fact that they needed a search party to find me."

"How did they find you?"

"One of the guys from the Quileute tribe."

"Hmmm. That can't be good. Do me a favor, Bella. Don't you ever let them make you think you owe them something in return, do you hear me?"

"Yes, but I don't understand."

"Trust me, they are _shifty_ and they will _shape_ things their way or turn things around on you so fast you won't know what hit you. If they ever try to hold it over your head, you call me right away, day or night. I want you to program my number into your phone. Do it now."

I smiled entering Rose's number into my phone as she rattled it off a little too fast for me to keep up. I had to ask her to repeat it, to which she sighed. Then I grinned with satisfaction to myself—_further proof_.

"What are you grinning about over there?" she asked.

"It's nothing," I replied.

"It's certainly something!" she retorted.

"It is just, that day in the forest, Edward told me that he would leave and it would be as if he never existed and for a while I almost convinced myself that none of it was real…so this, your number, the note, all helps to remind me that I wasn't going crazy or something. I don't know."

"He said that to you? You are marred for life with a vampire's bite mark on your arm and you are supposed to tell yourself we never existed?" she roared angrily at this connotation.

"I know," I said, lightly tugging at my sleeve, with satisfaction and solace in her reaction.

"How were you supposed to convince yourself? Tell yourself you were bitten by a dog?" She laughed but was obviously still infuriated.

Rose pulled into a small coffee shop, spewing out profanities at her brother. As she turned the car off, I looked at her and had the courage to ask, "Do you think he still loves me?"

Rose snickered lightly, "Bella, _only_ love could make Edward act like such an idiot. He was actually quite practical and rational prior to meeting you. Do you think Alice still loves Jasper?"

"Of course!" I replied right away.

Rosalie raised an eyebrow and looked over at me as if to say, _Well, there's your answer then, _but maybe that was just my own hopefulness.

With that, she opened her car door and escorted me inside, though I told her it wasn't necessary. On the walk through the parking lot, I misjudged the step up onto the sidewalk and landed on my knee. Rose extended her hand to me.

"Are you okay?" she asked out of what seemed like genuine concern. I nodded as I got to my feet and let her hold the door for me.

"Emmett is going to be sorry he missed seeing _that_!" Laughter erupted from deep within her core.

* * *

_***Extra special thanks to Alitriona who was all too willing to let curiosity kill the cAT and take a sneak peek of my story in order to share her insight and give me tips.***_

_Now see…Rosalie's not so bad, once you get to know her a little better. I'd want her as a friend. I bet she has like 80 years' worth of cute Edward stories and secrets to share. Not to mention she sounds like a good person to have around when you want to…oh you'll find out in Part II._

_Edward called and asked that you take the time to leave a few words in the reviews to let him know what you thought of this chapter. Don't disappoint Edward, please. _


	11. November 8, 2005 B POV Part II

**A/N: If you haven't seen the video Alitriona made for my story and you don't mind spoilers then it can be seen from the link on my profile page. It's way cool! Trust me! AT—You rock even when you're "stewed!" If you have found your way here via the video then welcome and sorry to inform you that AT's video is probably cooler than my story! **

**Special thanks to **Lori** for proofing this.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight **belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and I appreciate her allowing the fans to toy with the ideas her books have inspired. No copyright infringement intended. Lyrics from "When the fog lifts" by The Jazz Passengers featuring Blondie (Deborah Harry)

**Bella's POV (Part 2 of 2)**

**November 8th**

I excused myself to use the restroom once inside and then returned to Rosalie's side. After standing in a longer line than I expected, I told the college-aged girl behind the counter that I wanted a small coffee and blueberry muffin. As she went to make my coffee, the next person in line, a young, neatly dressed businessman being served by a different employee, a young boy, asked for two blueberry muffins. I glanced over, realizing there were only two left in the glass case.

The young girl helping me returned, handing me my coffee, and then an argument broke out between the two workers over the muffins.

"Hey, that's for my customer," the young girl snapped.

"Well, I'm helping this guy and you were over there making coffee," the young boy retorted.

Rosalie rolled her eyes at me while the two employees exchanged a few derogatory names in quiet mutters.

"Excuse me," came the harmonious sound of her voice, capturing the attention of both employees who looked up from behind the case to answer.

I stretched my hand out and placed it gently on Rosalie's arm. "No Rose, its fine. I'll just get something else," I said quietly to her. It didn't stop her.

"Hi, well I certainly believe my friend here ordered her muffin before this gentleman," she paused to flash the businessman a wide dazzling smile and then continued, "since it seems there are only two left, I'm sure if we just asked this gentleman here if he wouldn't mind taking one blueberry and one muffin of a different flavor…"

She looked toward the businessman again in anticipation. He clearly had lost his wits. I remembered the feeling well. _Holy Crow! Had Rosalie Hale just referred to me as her friend, in public?_

"Sir?" Rosalie asked.

He still didn't answer.

"Perhaps you wouldn't mind the banana nut muffin?"

"Oh banana would be fine, absolutely!" he smiled easily in agreement.

"Perfect! See you two, you just need to negotiate a little and everyone wins." Rosalie flashed another wide smile and the coworkers were putty in her hands.

We went over and sat down at a table and I just shook my head at her.

"What?" she asked.

I grinned and whispered, "Just like Edward…using your skills to dazzle people to get your own way."

"Who? Me? No way! Edward cheats, you know, because he can." She tapped her head lightly. I nodded in acknowledgement and smiled. She continued. "People get too worked up over little stuff and can't seem to figure out how to sort out situations. I just step in sometimes to offer a compromise, I suppose."

"You do?" The thought of Rosalie being able to offer such a selfless, slightly philanthropic service to others seemed foreign to me.

"Yeah, at times. You'd be surprised. I've even helped save a life or two."

"Really?" I blurted out from shock. "How?" I was completely intrigued by this side of Rosalie I knew nothing about up until now.

"Well, at one high school we enrolled in, I talked a girl down off a ledge before she jumped. Oh, and then at a school in Illinois one time Edward realized this kid was carrying a knife and was going to try to start a fight with another student, so Edward cornered him and I talked him out of doing that while Edward pick-pocketed the knife from him."

I stared at her with wide eyes listening in both awe and disbelief.

"Rose! Who knew you could be such a pacifist?"

"Yeah well, it doesn't work on myself, obviously. Sometimes I can't see the forest from the trees, Bella. I guess when it comes to me, or my family, my own emotions judge my better passive sense."

"What else?" I asked.

"Hmmm…well usually I go along to the car dealership with whoever is buying a new car because I can always negotiate the best price."

"And you don't think it is just because you're like gorgeous that you get your way?"

"I don't know. Maybe….though that probably wouldn't explain the countless times I've stepped in between two girls at a college or high school to prevent them from fisting it out over Edward."

"Excuse me?" I said as I spit out some of my coffee. Rose smirked as I wiped my face with a napkin.

"Oh yeah! There were always at least two girls in every town that had this 'current girlfriend' and 'ex-girlfriend' bitter rivalry going on and were about to fight over him." _How did she say this so matter-of-factly?_

"Girlfriend? Ex-girlfriend? He'd been dating all these girls?" I asked, cringing in anticipation of the answer.

"Noooooooooo Bella, Edward never dated anyone. These girls had just deluded themselves. Lucky for them I was always there to step in and undo those delusions before it got any of them suspended from school."

"What would you say to them?" I tried to ask casually now.

"Oh you know, I'd tell them how Edward has flaws just like everyone else does, tell them how he wasn't worth it, play up their own talents and make them believe they were way too good for Edward. I'd also tell them it wasn't worth a fight or tarnishing their school record. I usually just tried whatever I thought would work or whatever information Edward gave me to work with about the girls that he had lifted from their minds."

"Sometimes…" she giggled, "I had to resort to just telling them I was his sister and not to waste their time because I knew he was gay."

"You didn't!" We both roared in laughter.

"Oh yeah, I did!" She was still laughing.

I smiled again in comprehension of what Rose said. _How could Edward be willing to do such good for humankind and think he didn't have a soul? He was wrong! _I gasped but tried to muffle it with a giggle, thinking about what Rose had just told me. _Edward had never dated anyone, _adding in my own caveat,_ except me. _And yet, suddenly after a hundred plus years, he was going to be _so_ _easily_ distracted.I rolled my eyes, and could hear him speak those words in my head again, only now the words were accompanied with a soundtrack of laughter, and amusement replaced the sobs of being hurt. Sitting here with my golden connection to the reality of my last nine months made it harder and harder to question if Edward might still love me.

"Funny, right? Before you came along, we were all taking bets on which girls at Forks High School would fall victim. I was sure it was going to be your buddies Jessica and Lauren."

I chuckled more loudly in agreement. I had suspected my first day that Jessica had a thing for Edward, but I couldn't blame her. Or Lauren either. After all, I was fascinated by Edward Cullen since the first moment I laid eyes upon him.

"Rose! I think you totally have like the power of persuasion or something."

"Oh, I don't know." Rose's eyes twinkled over toward the employees behind the counter.

"No, seriously, you do." _How could she not see it?_

"Well it's not like I can always get my way with Emmett, or compromise with Edward, for that matter."

"How is he?" I asked taking a sip of my coffee.

"He's good. He's on a three-day hunting trip with Jasper. When he gets back, we're leaving for three-month trip to Europe. It's time to renew our vows and this time I'm thinking Paris, Athens, or Rome. We're hoping before we leave that Alice comes back with Esme to reunite with Jazz. If she does then we'll stay through Thanksgiving. It's time for this family to get back together. All of us." She winked at me and then added, "We all miss him, you know."

I realized she wasn't talking about Emmett any more. I took a deep breath preparing myself to talk about him more.

"You haven't seen him?" I asked while breaking apart my muffin.

"No, Bella. He left after us and only checked in once so far. He called to ask Carlisle for advice on getting help to take care of something."

"Take care of what?"

"I don't know. The only thing I know is that Carlisle said he was going on a sabbatical but at some point he would be making his way to Italy. I know Carlisle is concerned, because the last time he left for a long period of time he decided to try…"

She looked around to make sure no one was listening and realized the businessman from the line was still finding Rose so mesmerizing. She coded her words, "a more _natural_ diet, if you know what I mean."

I nearly choked on my coffee, again. _God, I hope I hadn't driven him off to that_!

"Well that sounds like a surefire way to make him hate himself even more," I blurted out.

Rose bellowed a laugh out that was reminiscent of Emmett.

"You know, Bella…you aren't nearly as annoying as I had decided you were."

"Thanks Rose, and truly there is much, much more to you. You're gifted."

She looked at me, surprised, and I smiled back at her reassuringly. I didn't know what my friendship status was with Alice, but now I knew I had forged the last link in the Cullen family.

Rosalie proceeded to tell me more of her history and concerns regarding what being a vampire required her to give up. She told me again how she was jealous of Edward's attraction to me, but I joked with her that Edward's heightened sense of bloodlust toward me surely clouded his attraction, pointing out that Emmett and Jasper had never given me a second glance. She agreed that must be it. Then the conversation went to a place that was something I surely never expected.

The coffee shop was empty now except for the two of us, but she was still careful with her voice.

"Bella, what if Emmett comes upon someone he can't resist the way you were, or are, to my brother? Do you think the attraction would be so strong that he would leave me?"

My jaw dropped to the floor, as I stared at Rosalie—stunned! Rosalie Hale was confiding her fears in me? And _this_ was her concern? This was another root that took hold in her general dislike of me? Rosalie was insecure that Emmett could meet someone whose blood he couldn't resist that would turn into attraction and he would leave her?

I was still staring at her in complete disbelief when she asked me, "What?"

Then I burst into laughter, a deep powerful release over the ludicrousness. _And Edward called me absurd! _I may have laughed harder than I had since the summer.

"Is that funny to you? Bella maybe we shouldn't be friends."

I composed myself, fearful that she would pull away from me—this only real bond to _him_ I had at the moment.

"Rose, you don't know?" I asked confused. _How could she not know?_

"Know what?" she snapped.

"Well, for one, your monkey man is madly in love with you in an absolute crazy way that certainly confounds us human misfits," I chuckled.

Rose smirked in agreement, either at Emmett's passion for her or the human misfit slur.

"And Edward told me one time that Emmett already came across two people whose blood held an instantly strong attraction for him, though not as strong as my blood appeals to Edward."

"He what? He did? Did Edward tell you what happened?" Her golden eyes widened in amazement at my informative story.

I chose my words to mimic hers. "He couldn't…_resist_ the natural diet."

"OH! Ohhhhhhhhhhh. He never told me," she said solemnly, "I wonder why."

"Maybe he didn't understand it or was embarrassed he didn't handle the situation the right way. I mean, Edward was strong enough to leave Forks after that first day I started school, but..."

_Strong enough to leave. Strong enough to come back. He was strong enough to come back to Forks, to face me. He told me when he was in Denali he couldn't stop thinking of me, even before he loved me. My Edward…please come back again._

"Bella, yoo hoo, where'd you go?" Rosalie asked waving her hand in front of my face.

"Sorry." I shook my head. "I lost my train of thought. Look, the point is that Emmett has faced temptation twice and neither time left you. And I guess it's a good thing for me it was Edward and not Emmett that my blood appealed to or else we wouldn't even be sitting here having this conversation." I hoped my words would quell her anxiety over these insane insecurities of hers by making a joke at my life's expense.

Rose giggled at my attempt at humor, "Good thing!" she agreed. I shivered at the thought of my blood appealing to Emmett. Even if he had been as strong as Edward to avoid killing me, I doubt Rosalie would have allowed me to live.

I hesitated. "Can I ask you something?…I mean, you don't have to answer if you don't want or don't think…" I frowned thinking about Edward's story of having gone to Denali and then returning to Forks.

"Just ask me, Bella."

"Do you think he'll come back…for me…this time?"

Rose looked like she started to roll her eyes and then caught herself.

"I think that when you're dealing with my brother, you have to think of him as two people—the 109-year-old vampire who struggles with control and doing the so-called right thing and yet still a 17-year-old boy who is experiencing new things and has suddenly found himself in the middle of his own coming of age." She stopped and smirked at me. "You just need to find a way to negotiate between the two."

_Great so we are talking negotiating between Dorian Gray and Pip—at least Pip returned home. _

"But is that possible?" I asked her timidly.

"Well, good luck with that one, but if anyone can influence him Bella, I'm sure it's you."

I finished my muffin and told her I was going to grab a cup of coffee to bring back for my dad in case he was at the house, but Rose suggested we just drive over to where Carlisle worked and pick him up.

As she drove us to the clinic I could hear myself laughing in response to stories Rosalie shared, stories about each of my favorite vampires. We even tried to call Alice, but she didn't answer. I left her a message trying to describe how much I missed her and wanted to see her.

We did reach Jasper and Emmett. I spoke with Jasper on the phone and told him I was sorry and had never been mad at him. Then I asked if they had heard from Edward, but the answer was the same as Rosalie's. Perhaps it was the newfound comfort I had in Rosalie's company, but I confidently voiced my concerns to Jasper, and Rosalie heard my words too.

"I'm not giving up on him, and I don't want any of you guys to either. I don't know what's going to happen, but I wanted to make sure you knew how thankful I've been to all of you for helping to save my life with James, and I'm sorry for all the upset I've caused your family."

Jasper lightly laughed in response. "Our family is hardly defeated Bella. We will all still be there for each other when it counts."

Hanging up from Jasper was like adding one more piece to fit into the mental jigsaw puzzle I was working on today. Surprisingly, my time with Rosalie had interlocked several of the pieces. I don't know what the final picture was going to look like, but I felt like I was a quarter of the way done with all four corners tightly secured in place now.

Before I knew it, we were at the clinic. Rosalie followed me in to retrieve my dad, who we found sitting in the patient waiting area tapping his foot with his cell phone in hand. "Bells!" Charlie stood up immediately upon seeing me.

"Dad, you remember Rosalie, right?" I motioned to Rose.

"Sure, how are you Rosalie?" he asked politely.

"Just fine, Chief Swan. Here you go. We thought you could use a cup of coffee." Rose gracefully handed the coffee to him.

"I could. Thank you." My dad smiled with delight and as an instant response to Rosalie's alluring smile.

"No, _thank you_ Chief Swan, for making the trip out here with Bella. It was great to catch up with her. Bella tells me you tracked us down. I think your detective skills are being wasted in a small town like Forks." I could tell she was dazzling my Dad with full force. I hoped that would be reassuring to him.

"Have you spoken with Carlisle yet?" I asked him placing a hand on his arm and gently pushing him back down into his seat.

"Oh yeah. We had a nice chat. How about you? You okay? I know he's not here Bells but…"

I smiled at my Dad in response and gently squeezed his arm to reassure him I knew. With that, Carlisle appeared, and again my reaction gave me away. My heart jumped in excitement-_more proof_. He quickly acknowledged us.

"Rosalie. Bella, it's good to see you." I couldn't help but to hug him, though he was not very receptive, patting my back once and unlocking my arms quickly.

"You know what Bella, I'm going to fill your dad in on the problems with your truck. Why don't you and Dr. Cullen go speak in his office?" Rosalie offered.

"Good idea, Rose. Right this way, Bella." Carlisle extended his arm in the direction of a hallway. When I got to his office, Carlisle asked me to have a seat and roll up my sleeve.

"I expect the wounds on your arm healed fine, but I would like to take a look since you are here." He smiled at me with his compassionate golden orbs and then proceeded with his examination. "Everything looks good since the last time I checked."

"You know I haven't needed to go to the hospital since….wait a minute. What do you mean the last time?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Bella, I'm a doctor. I had a responsibility to you as my patient after the night of your birthday. I returned to check on how the wounds were healing."

"You did…when?" I whispered, suddenly appalled at the thought of what he might have witnessed.

"Only once, and when you were asleep, of course." I was fixing my sleeve when he hesitantly inquired, "have the nightmares stopped?"

Embarrassment plagued my cheeks in reaction to his question, but then I felt the blood drain from my face. Carlisle reached out placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Only Esme knows. And she will appreciate this. He held up the note my father had given him and placed it back on his desk.

"You mean, you didn't tell _him_?"

"No I haven't, but only because I haven't spoken to him as of late." Carlisle responded.

I felt the tears coming in and escaping down my cheeks. I very quietly and solemnly asked Carlisle, "You haven't? How do we know if he is okay?"

"We have hope. He'll contact us when he is ready." He smiled lightly in halfhearted reassurance.

"Rosalie said he called you once."

"He did, but unfortunately he wasn't making any promises to me that day."

"Yeah well that's not a bad thing because his promises kind of suck." Carlisle frowned. "I'm sorry about ambushing you with Charlie, but it was his idea to bring me here to begin with and…"

"Bella, it's fine. It is good to see you. I have to get back to the patients now, but what if we plan a get together with Esme?"

"But what about…"

"I'll do what I can to convince him, if that's what you want, though he thinks it's best if you move on and try to forget us. He wants you to live a normal life."

"I can't. I mean, it's just not what _I_ want. Removing yourselves from my everyday life made me anything but normal."

Carlisle sighed. "I suspected from the nightmares."

"Rosalie said he was going to Italy. Can't you try to meet him there and bring him back?"

"Unfortunately, I'm not sure of the timeframe of his arrival, Bella." I frowned in response to him. _Wasn't anyone willing to try to find Edward?_

"I am hoping, though, we hear from him soon and he returns shortly thereafter."

"But will he return…to me?" I choked out through sobs.

"I can't answer that Bella. I'm sorry. I wish I could say otherwise to you my dear, but I just can't."

The tears continued streaming down my face, and Carlisle offered me a tissue. He hugged me now more securely and with more tenderness than he displayed just a few moments ago in the waiting area.

"You should know, I told Charlie that Edward has some personal issues regarding his birth family that he is trying to work out. Sorry to lie, but I figured I would try to provide a sympathetic reason for his absence, so Charlie isn't too hard on him, for your sake."

"That's fine," I said wiping the last of my tears away trying to collect myself. "Despite whatever Edward may have said, I want you guys to contact me. I miss all of you. It's my life to decide things."

"I agree with you. You should get to make your own decisions, too."

"Really?" I blurted out and felt my eyes brighten with hopes of being changed. "Then I don't suppose _you_ would be willing to…." I trailed off with my thoughts racing that if Carlisle changed me I wouldn't be breakable. My soul wouldn't be an issue. I would have a stronger case to convince Edward to come home to me.

"Come now Bella, don't ask me to do that, not without us knowing more about Edward's whereabouts and intentions. C'mon, go home with Charlie and try to enjoy your senior year of school."

"I was enjoying my senior year. I had a boyfriend, a best friend in school, and family outings on weekends, but it all ended," I whimpered, disheartened even at the thought of returning to a half-empty cafeteria table.

"I'm so terribly sorry about all of that, but he thinks it's best for you if you try to forget about him. Still…well I mean, should the day come, if the day comes that you do have forever ahead of you, I promise you that it won't matter if you were 18 or 30 years old when that forever begins, but it will matter how much life you have been able to live prior to it."

I looked at him hopeful, silently rejoicing how his words entertained the possibility.

"Can you please just talk to him for me?"

"I'll certainly try my best. Bella, here take this." With that Carlisle handed me a prescription, patted me on the back sympathetically, and then held the door open nodding me out of his office. "These will help you sleep, but only take them if you need them."

Rosalie and Charlie were chatting and laughing in the waiting area, looking very out of place amongst the small group of people who were waiting to be seen in the clinic.

"I'm ready to go," I told them as I approached. Charlie stood up and put his arm around me. We quietly smiled as we waved goodbye to Carlisle then headed out to the parking lot. I smiled at the sight of the Volvo and felt myself sigh in anticipation of his scent as I allowed the re-established Cullen connection to embrace my heart. I imagined Edward holding my hand as I walked to the Volvo, like he had done so many times.

I climbed into the back seat of Edward's car and let Charlie sit up front. I giggled to think my father was in the same car where I had tried to seduce Edward just two weeks before my birthday.

"_Tell me again what we are doing in the back of my car when I have my own room and quite possibly my own empty house if need be on any given day. I mean, I know I don't have a bed but…"_

_I unbuttoned his blue shirt one by one as he spoke, leaning toward him as he lay on his back._

"_You're the one who told me you didn't want me to miss out on anything-that you want me to be human. How much more human can two teenagers going at it in the back seat of a car be?"_

_I gently kissed his smooth marble body down from his neck past his chest and to the top of his pants. I tugged at his pants gently, but he lifted me up to bring my face to his and then kissed me, thwarting my first effort. _

_His kisses were long, steady, and slow, maybe because he had forever. __**I didn't**__. Once I had thought kissing him was enough, but I wanted more now._

_As he kissed me, I tugged my fingers in his hair then made my way back down to his shirt, trying to expose as much of his chest as possible and rubbing the definition of each of his pecs and ab muscles. Again, I reached for his pants' button. Again, he thwarted my attempt—this time moving my hand back up to his chest and keeping his hand on top of mine. _

"_Human experience is one thing. Trite is another. Is this how you want your first time to be—in the back of a car? Wham, bam, thank you vamp? I can't make you breakfast in a car." Despite his argument he allowed me to trace a pattern on his neck up to his ear with my tongue. _

_I pulled back and hovered over him. "Can't I just want to be with you?"_

"_You do? Really?" he teased me. I pushed onto his chest in retaliation._

"_Can't I want to plan something a little classier for us than the back seat of my Volvo? I mean, if I had known, at the very least I would have driven the Aston Martin today." _

_I couldn't resist the charm of Edward's lightheartedness. I giggled. "So you want to…with me? Too?" _

"_God, don't you know I do? I love you Isabella Swan. It's just that I've waited 80 some more years than you have, so maybe you can understand why I might want to make it a little more special than __this__. Plus there are some precautions to take. I mean I haven't figured out yet how to keep you safe."_

"_Protection, silly!" I laughed. I was averting my eyes to hide my excitement._

"_That's not what I mean, though that may certainly be a consideration. I'm worried about other ways I might hurt you or lose control. You know that I don't want to hurt you, ever."_

"_Oh," was all I could reply. _

"_Please tell me what you're thinking," he said with agitation, to which I smirked in return._

"_I'm thinking that you said yes. And I'm happy to have it to look forward to, but for now, I still want to make out with you in the back of your car," I answered sweetly before I resumed kissing him. _

I pocketed the memory of him telling me he loved me into a newly formed portion of my heart—fragile pieces that were held together by needle and thread. By the time we got back to the Cullen's new house, I had a plan. I would have to carry it out very carefully so as not to let anyone know and definitely not alarm Charlie.

Rosalie popped the hood of the truck and pointed out a few things to Charlie. I almost asked Rosalie if we could leave the rusted Chevy and take the Volvo instead. At least he would have to make his way to our house to retrieve it when he came back. Of course, he probably would just come all stealthy and take it in the middle of the night. Still, I wished I had something to take as a reminder of this day-of their existence. I didn't want to wake up tomorrow and think I had dreamt today.

Rosalie let Charlie shut the hood on the truck and walked over to me. "You okay?" she asked.

"Ummm, no not really. This day just didn't turn out anything like I expected, really."

"Need a hug?" She smiled at me. "Come on, I won't bite."

As she hugged me, she whispered into my ear so Charlie couldn't hear. "He's got forever, that's an awful lot of time for him to change his mind to match his heart, or at least for him to find a way to negotiate between the two. I'll let you know if I hear from him, no matter what he says this time. Ho's over bro's ya know!" She giggled.

_He may have forever, but I still don't._

"And Alice, too?" I asked.

"Well Jasper has been trying to give her the time she needs, but I think he may be a little more persistent after talking to you today."

I smiled to think that my trip today might help to mend the split between Alice and Jasper.

Charlie interrupted. "Bells. I think it's time to hit the road."

I couldn't make my legs move. "Maybe I could just stay here for a little…"

Charlie cleared his throat. "Now Bells, we had an agreement," he reminded me.

"Come on Bella, staying here isn't going to get you graduated from that God awful high school. Be sure to tell Mr Banner I said hello." She giggled as she pushed me back toward the truck and opened the door, gently guiding me into the seat.

"You'll stay…I mean here? You guys aren't going to move away…now that we found you?"

Rosalie laughed. "I promise to let you know if we do. Oh, don't go yet. I have something that belongs to you," Rosalie implored.

We waited while Rosalie went into the house and then returned with a long, narrow white box. She handed it to me, and I opened it slowly. My eyes widened with amazement. The night of the party, I hadn't gotten a chance to actually see the necklace. It was a choker, just like the one Alice always wore. I smiled widely for a minute but then stammered out of concern over wearing it.

"Are…are you sure it is okay if _I_ wear this? I mean, it is the Cullen crest, after all?"

"I'm positive, especially since it was a gift from me, even if Alice did pick it out. So can't you just thank me and get it over with?" She winked at me as I felt bewildered in a sense of déjà vu. I heard Charlie clear his throat, again.

"Thank You!" I exclaimed to Rosalie. She helped me put it on, and then shut the door of the truck and told me I was very welcome.

I waved goodbye slightly at Rosalie and circled the crest with two fingers as Charlie drove down the driveway. As we passed the mailbox post I heard Charlie mutter something about a family symbol. I could feel the tears coming, but I hid them as best as I could from Charlie. I needed to compose myself so I could get my details in order to carry out my plan. Charlie and I sat silently on the drive out of town. I tried to calculate how many more days it would be until I could put my plan in motion. Even though it would be days away, still it was something to look forward to, and that was something to cling to today.

This time, it was my turn to make a choice that gave me some sense of control.

As I sat there, the blood boiled in anticipation of the execution of my plan but simmered when I reminded myself that I would have to be cautious. Too easily Charlie's cop instincts or his current pro-active-parenting style would be suspicious at my sudden newfound enthusiasm for being out amongst the living. About half an hour into the ride, Charlie decided to test my mood.

"So tell me about the songs Bella. Why were they the only ones you would listen to last month?"

"The songs?"

"Yeah you know, depressing songs 1, 2, and 3?"

"Oh, Mom used to play that band's music a lot when we first moved away from you, Dad. The one song is from the movie, 'Pretty Woman.' You might remember it because they played cricket in it."

_Oh, and Richard Gere's character's name is Edward in it._ "I remember being really sad when we left you Dad, and I remember the music, but I don't remember much else around that time.

He smiled to himself. "Oh yeah, your mother liked that movie, I do remember. It was probably the last movie we went to see together in the theater. You stayed home with Gran. Bella, when you left with your mother, I don't know how tough that time was on you, probably because I was too caught up in how tough it was on me. I'm really sorry if I wasn't there enough for you."

"Like I said Dad, I don't remember much from it, other than that music. I think I might have blocked some of it out. The important thing is how much you've been there for me now."

I could tell he was ready to talk. I just hoped he wasn't going to ask me why Edward left. I shouldn't have told him earlier that after today I would talk to him about Edward. I braced myself.

"I spoke with Carlisle," he started.

"I know. Thanks for giving him my note. I didn't expect to get a chance to see him. Hey Dad, ummmm, you need to know something about that day in the woods."

"Oh shit, I knew something else must have happened to you out there that day. What went on?"

"No, Dad. Nothing happened. I just want you to know that it was my fault-not Edward's. I wandered too far into the forest and got myself lost. I mean, I was upset, but I would never want you to blame Edward. I skipped lunch that day and was just overcome with exhaustion before I found my way out."

"Oh. Alright. I guess I feel better about that, but I don't like hearing about you skipping meals Bells. You've been wasting away. Bells, you've gotta start taking better care of yourself!"

"I will, Char…Dad."

"Good, starting with tonight. We can hit the diner for a late meal. Cora has been asking about you. She'll be happy to see you."

"Sure, that's fine. I've noticed Cora is always happy to see you though, Dad." I responded deciding that eating and socializing in town was a tiny seed to plant in the garden of normalcy he needed to see cultivating over the next couple of weeks.

"Uh huh, I'm gonna ignore that last comment and change the subject. According to Carlisle, it sounds like Edward's going through a lot with trying to find out information about his birth family. You know Bells, sometimes, I think, though I'm not any kind of shrink, when one part of your life is going really well, it can make an emptier part of your life more evident."

"Huh?" I wasn't sure what my father was talking about.

"Well, take me, for instance. I've spent all these years complacent enough, set in a routine, essentially on autopilot. You came back in my life, and I was truly happy to have you around on a day-in and day-out basis. In some ways I was content. At the same time, I'm suddenly filled with regret and sadness over the absence of your mother. But know this, nothing about my feelings and thoughts toward your mother has anything to do with you. It's just that having an overwhelming positive in your life has a way of making a person face something not so positive, something lacking."

"And you think that's what's going on with Edward?" I posed. _When did Charlie become so insightful?_

"Hey, I'm no Dr. Phil, but you guys did have a good thing going, and I've yet to hear any other reason for your breakup. Unless there is something you want to fill me in on…"

I saw this as my opportunity for the first part of my plan.

"Dad, I want to go to Florida and see mom, and I want you to come with me. I mean, you don't have to stay for as long a visit as I will, but you deserve the opportunity to talk to her, too. For God's sake, you still have your wedding picture on your mantel at home. I want to help you the way you helped me today."

"Really? I think your Mom would love to see you, Bells. Over Thanksgiving, right?"

"Yeah, I'm sure, but only if you come with me, Dad, at least for part of the trip, and as long as you don't mind me missing school." I knew I was pushing my limits by throwing the school part into the mix.

"Alright. Well, we can run this by your mother. Boy, that sure must've been some talk you had with Rosalie."

"You have no idea, Dad." _Whew! Was it ever! _

"I always thought you were closer with Alice, seeing as she spent all that time over the house last spring helping you."

"I was, but I think Rosalie and I came to a new understanding today, thanks to you Dad." I smiled sweetly at him and clasped the Cullen crest on my necklace. Charlie looked over and smiled in return.

"Well, she sure is handy with cars. Too bad you never introduced her to Jake. I'll bet she could have taught him a thing or two."

I snickered at the thought of _that _but smiled at Rosalie's standing offer that I could call her if I had any problems with the Quileute members.

"Thank you for today, Dad."

"No problem Bells. I know Edward wasn't there, but do you feel any better having seen Rosalie and Carlisle?"

"I do. I mean, I wish it had been him, but I'm really grateful to have had the chance to see them."

"Uh huh. Carlisle told me that once Edward returned he would have him call the house. I'd still like to thank him, even though I shared all of that with Carlisle. That's okay isn't it? If Edward calls the house?"

"Of course it's fine. That's what I wanted out of this Dad, just the chance to talk to him." I obviously wanted more than that, but with Charlie, less was mostly more.

"Was Alice there?"

"No. Ummm, I think she and Esme were looking at colleges up in Alaska," I lied, possibly smoother than I ever had. Did it really matter now? The lies were sort of already piling up today, and Charlie was no worse for it. If my plan went through, he was in store for many more lies. What had Charlie said to me earlier today, _sometimes you have to lie to get what you need._

"So what about that for you?" he asked.

"Hmmm?" I replied having half missed what he said as I remembered Edward telling me I was a terrible actress.

"College, Bells. You are going. Now that you've resurfaced from your funk, are you going to start thinking about college?"

I suddenly felt my spirit withering away. Of all things for Charlie to bring up at this moment! I was handling the conversation about the Cullens and Edward just fine, but I couldn't think that far into the future without being reminded of the past or the current state of limbo I was in-I had plans at this exact moment, but not for college.

"Dad, I'm going to need a little more time to get my bearings before I can make a decision like college, but after today, I do look forward to any father-daughter road trips to visit schools, okay? Can we leave it at that?"

Charlie grinned completely unaware that I just played him for a Forks' fool. I meant it, but I was taking advantage of the circumstance. In order to get what I wanted though, to him, I would have to continue to take advantage.

As much as I loved Charlie, the thought of finding Edward was much more important to me right now. I had two weeks to convince Charlie that I was better.

Charlie turned the radio on and I took it as a signal that we were done talking for now. I leaned my head against the seat taking in the jazz song my father had chosen. My lips curled up as my dad commented about what a great stereo Emmett had given me. I closed my eyes and let my thoughts drift away, fantasizing about a reunion with Edward as I listened to the haunting melody on the radio.

_Once in a while, when the sky is covered, the world, it seems like a lost place._

_Even most experienced birds*** **get pulled off course to nowhere._

_Out in this fog ships dare not move, men are colliding._

_Out in this fog somebody cries, hope is in hiding._

_I knew a man who could barely move, he'd wake himself in a cold sweat._

_Out in this fog dreams are a ghost no one believes in._

_Out in this fog, everything's grey. Looks are deceiving._

_Idle away your hours._

_The time really doesn't care._

_Precious life is out there._******

_Out in this fog, gravity pulls, pulling you under._

_Out in this fog, men overboard soon start to wonder._

_Once in a while when the sky clears, you can't recall just what happened here_

_Everything comes into view_

_and _

_life _

_begins_

_again_

_When the fog lifts..._

(to be continued)

* * *

**A/N: * (a Swan?) **(the Precious' life is out there?)**

**The thing about road trips is that the unexpected usually happens. So Edward wasn't there in the cold steel flesh but I hope you felt his presence along with a good well-rounded dose of our beloved vampire family, which was the second best thing, right? I hope. In the convo, "the natural diet" refers to when Edward left Carlisle and Esme and lived off the blood of humans he deemed "bad"-as per the story he tells Bella in Twilight. You guys knew that, right?**

**Song at the end "When the fog lifts" by the Jazz Passengers featuring Deborah Harry aka Blondie. Have a listen to the song if you can find it. Sorry but I didn't find it on youtube!**

**So are you heading back to Forks with us…or wherever else we might go? If you read something that made you want to hop in the back of the truck's cab as a stowaway, let me know. **


	12. Breaking All The Rules Now

A/N: It's been a while, huh? A long, long, while. I started some new ventures and met some new people in the fandom and just could not seem to get back to this chapter. I do apologize and would like to think I'm back on track for finishing this story if you are still on board for reading.

My reviews have all been so lovely! Thank you for each and every positive thought you have taken the time to write.

As always, thanks to **Lori** for her willingness to hang in with me and continue to work on my story.

_We're breaking all the rules now!_

* * *

Bella's POV

_Don't confuse moving away with moving on, honey, _my mom had told me during our visit. Right! So why did it turn out that reuniting Charlie and Renee was a huge mistake-a complete disaster.

"Would you like a beverage, dear?" asked a skinny blonde flight attendant with an unnecessary overly-optimistic smile.

"I'll take a Coke, please. And headphones." I faked a smile to cover my thoughts.

She handed me a bottle from the cart and then attended to the mother and daughter combo sitting next to me. Looking at them, I couldn't help but wish my mom was accompanying me today. It seems silly because I've been traveling back and forth between Charlie and Renee for years now, so I didn't understand why I suddenly felt uneasy on the plane. Things just felt unfamiliar, I guess because my intentions when I landed were different this time and the amount of time on the flight from Florida was going to be longer than I was used to alone on a plane. I put on my headphones, cringing at the memories of the last few weeks and, again, felt a flash of anger that I had forgotten my iPod. At least I had Renee's old personal CD player and the copy of the CD Edward had made for me.

"Hi, I'm Laney. What's your name?" said a grinning wide-eyed young girl with long, straight brown hair accented by a red satin ribbon being used as a headband. I looked over at the girl sitting next to me and smiled slightly. She must have been about twelve years old.

"Bella," I replied tentatively, reminding myself of how many passengers in the past I've had to introduce myself to on my solo flights back and forth between Arizona and Washington—all just strangers I have gone on to never see again, who had long forgotten my name.

"Wanna see my magazine? Do you like Kelly Clarkson? She's in it. Someday I want to grow up and be a singer just like her. Do you like Ryan Cabrera? He's so cute. Hey what are you listening to? Is it a mix your boyfriend made you? My friend Jenna's older sister April is dating this guy Scott and he makes her CDs all the time."

"Laney! Take a breath! Give her a break!" the girl's mother interrupted scolding, "I'm sorry, my daughter is a bit overly enthusiastic on planes from nerves."

"Mom, I'm just excited to be seeing Grandma! This is Bella. This is my mom, Claudia."

"Nice to meet you," I said politely.

"Soooo Bella, what are you listening to?" Laney asked excitedly.

"Oh, it's just, umm, piano compositions."

"Cool! You play piano because I do, too!" Laney was bouncing in her seat again.

"No actually, I don't play."

"Can I listen, please?" begged the young girl.

"Laney!" reprimanded the mother.

"What? I asked with manners, Mom."

"Would you mind, Bella?" Claudia asked me.

"No," I responded handing over the headphones.

Laney sat back listening. Her eyes lit up as she heard the songs. Even his music was enough to dazzle people.

"Wow! They are beautiful. Can my mom hear? She plays concert piano."

"Sure."

Laney removed the headphones and handed them to her mother while I reset the CD to play from the beginning. I turned the volume up just enough that I could still hear the music as I allowed myself to faintly think back over this past week.

What a horrible idea it had been to reunite Charlie and Renee.

Because Renee needed to check on the house and take care of a few things in Arizona, we traded in the tickets to accommodate Charlie accompanying me to meet up with Mom in Arizona for three days. The plan was Charlie was supposed to be making his peace with mom then fly back to Forks while I flew back to Florida to spend some extra time with Renee and see her new house. Charlie was ecstatic to not have to travel all the way to Florida, but by the end of day three he and Renee were no longer speaking and could barely stand the site of each other anymore.

"Wow, the music is just breathtaking. Did you compose them yourself?" Claudia inquired.

"No, I don't play at all. They were written by my Ehhd-I mean, by my ex-boyfriend." That was the first time I used that word to describe him, though I would have rather said breathtaking.

"Well he has a wonderful ear and seems quite talented with the ivories."

"He is," I replied softly.

"Oh you mean you two broke up?" Laney asked.

"Okay Laney, we don't need to pry. I'm sorry Bella, we've already imposed on you enough."

"Did he look like Ryan Cabrera? I looooove Ryan. I'm going to marry him someday!"

I laughed a little. "No, he didn't look like Ryan." Laney's face dropped in disappointment, so I decided to coddle her. "Well, I guess you could say their hair is similar." That brightened her face, maybe mine too. Claudia had handed me back my headphones and I settled in, closing my eyes, letting the past few weeks flash through my head.

-x-

After seeing Rosalie and Carlisle, I spent my days trying to act as normal as possible for Charlie, which even meant writing down a list of possible actions to keep me on track. It was difficult to decide how much of what I would do was just enough and how much was overkill, but it didn't matter.

Only one thing mattered now.

Edward did exist, and he was out there.

Somewhere.

And I wanted to be with him, even if it was only for one day. One hour. One minute. My heart pounded in my chest just thinking about a moment's worth of shared time with him.

After getting Charlie to agree to use my companion ticket in order to go see Renee, I worked on what would be the next logical step to _acting normal_. I had a mental checklist of things to do to make myself appear to be more like "Bella, pre-Edward." I added more songs to my iPod, decorated the walls of my room, and even did some clothes shopping. I tried to make it seem like I was getting back into my classes at school, but without Edward and Alice there, school was just a collection of painful reminders-empty seats in classrooms, their empty cafeteria table, vacant spots in the parking lot, even driving my own truck to school. I figured my best approach was to ask Angela to come over after school once in a while to study. I was less than thrilled when Mike overheard us and asked to tag along some days.

Back at home, I realized nothing said "normal Bella" to Charlie like me cooking, so I started up again, trying to have everything in the kitchen cleaned up prior to him getting home in the evenings. With his stomach full and the house in order, he settled in front of the television more quickly without too many questions before I retreated to my room for the night.

Still, I suspected he darted into my room when I wasn't home, so I purposefully placed a University of Alaska application on my desk, filling out only half of it. Charlie's days of _not_ hovering were less and less, and he always seemed to find one excuse after another to show up in my room to check up on me. At least he stopped bringing hot tea with him, and in turn, I stopped playing just the Roxette music.

I decided it was time to offer up my grandest gesture I could think of to present a united, all-the-pieces-of-Bella-are-back-together front.

"Hey Dad, I really want to cook Thanksgiving dinner."

"Aww now Bells, you don't have to go through so much trouble. We can go to the lodge or..."

"Dad," I interrupted him trying to sound convincing, "I mean, it's our first Thanksgiving together, it should be special. Despite who isn't here, you and I are here."

"Alright, if you want to, go ahead. I'll have to be at the station during the day, but I should be home in time for the second half of the game. Is that too late?"

"Yeah, no, that's perfect." Perfect that he wouldn't be around during the day.

"Should I invite Billy and Jake?" he asked.

"_No_!" I replied horrified, almost based on reflex, and then backtracked. "It's just that I think that day means something different to them than it does to us, you know because of our nation's history."

"I hadn't thought of that. Maybe you're right, Bells. Well…just as well."

Charlie, at least, came shopping with me and helped pick out a turkey, which he admitted was much too big for us, and he questioned if I knew how to go about cleaning it and cooking it. As he doubted my abilities, I devised how I could leave his freezer stocked up with leftovers while I was away-another small part to my plan.

On the actual day, everything was already in place, and I felt like I had so much to look forward to in the coming weeks. But even though I was getting through chopping vegetables and basting the turkey well enough, I couldn't help the moments of my face going blank as I thought about Edward and the plans we had discussed one day back in August at his house.

Edward had been sitting at the piano playing a few notes of various songs and trying to bring up the subject of celebrating my birthday. I had suggested instead we talk about celebrating the holidays and time off from school together. I had never had a boyfriend for the holidays, but I hadn't realized bringing up the subject would also bring to the surface my 109-year-old brooding vampire.

_-xOx-_

_I walked over to the piano, and he pulled me in to him to sit on him so my legs draped across his lap and were left to dangle over the side of the bench. The proximity to him immediately made me woozy. _

"_So you don't mind not spending Thanksgiving Day together?" he asked as his arms encircled me and held me firmly to him. Would I ever not be so intoxicated by his essence?_

"_No, why would I?" _

_He shrugged. "It's a holiday with traditions I can't be a part of because the whole day is about food. I can't exactly carve a turkey and then not eat it. Holidays will never be the same experience for us."_

"_First of all, Charlie would never let you carve the turkey over him. Second of all, the holiday is not all about food. It's about giving thanks for the blessings in your life. And you're wrong. Holidays will be the same experience for us one day, once you change me."_

_Edward winced, as he did every time I spoke as if he had already consented to changing me- which he still hadn't. _

"_Besides, Edward, why does it matter? It doesn't matter to me as long as you come over that night and stay with me and promise to spend as much time as possible with me during our time off from school."_

"_I promise," he replied, leaning in to tap his icy lips to my forehead. His head lingered there, and he sighed. _

"_But if you were with someone else, someone human, you could... don't you want to be able to…"_

"_No Edward, I don't. I just want to be able to tell you at some point that day how grateful I am to have you in my life." I cut him off and buried my face in his chest to avoid seeing any brooding eroding his otherwise perfect facial features. _

"_It's you who are the blessing," he sighed in defeat and pressed his lips into my hair. "I suppose we could meet up later in the day since my family already has their own plans in place. If you don't mind that is."_

_Sensing his brooding was simmering I pulled my head back to look up at him. _

"_I don't mind. So tell me what you will do that day." I shifted slightly and reached out to cradle his stone jaw in my palm. I could feel the hardness in my hand as his face contorted to show a wide, toothy smile. _

"_Hunt wild turkey, of course." He reached up to cover my hand with his own. "So warm," he sighed. _

"_Really?" I exclaimed full of excitement and surprise. "How traditional!"_

"_It's a Cullen custom." He grinned again, widely. "We have to travel quite a ways away, but we'll go out early. It's something Esme insists on as a way to maintain our humanity." He chuckled to himself. _

"_What is it?"_

"_Don't be surprised if Esme bakes you a pumpkin pie. She really misses not being able to put out a Thanksgiving spread."_

"_That would be great, Edward. Charlie loves pie, and I'm a much better cook than baker. So maybe you can be back in time to bring over dessert? Charlie won't question the fact that you may be too stuffed from your own celebration not to partake in pie with us."_

_Edward gestured back and forth between us, waving two fingers. "What is this we are doing here? Are we… compromising?" Edward arched an eyebrow at me._

"_Yes! That's exactly what we are doing?" I replied with excitement. He rewarded me with a crooked smile._

"_Ahhhh…This less stubborn Bella I like. I like her a lot! Does that mean I can spend money on a birthday gift for you?"_

"_Certainly not!" I exclaimed._

"_Can I at least leave you presents under the tree come Christmas? I can't have Charlie thinking I'm a self-absorbed horrible boyfriend if I skip presents for your birthday and Christmas."_

"_So you're worried what Charlie will think of you? He could never think badly of you, Edward. I wouldn't let him." I frowned and scowled. He'd never understand how his kisses and presence in my life were gift enough to make every day seem like Christmas to me. _

"_Of course I'm worried what Chief Swan thinks of me." He paused for effect, taking time to twirl some of my hair around his finger then sweep the pieces behind my shoulder. "Not that I don't already know."_

_I frowned at his ever-present advantages in navigating our relationship as his teeth flashed._

"_That's okay," he smirked, "what I've got in mind for Christmas wouldn't fit under a tree anyway….well at least not an innocent tree that's been sawed in two and moved indoors only to die off in a couple of weeks."_

"_As I remember, Ed-Ward, you were less than kind to a tree yourself that first day you took me to the meadow."_

_Edward snorted slightly and threw one hand up to attest, "I plead the fifth. I was out of my mind high, heavily jacked up on my sweet Bella that day. You can't hold this Bella junkie responsible for his actions, especially that day."_

_I smiled hopelessly that I was still his drug of choice. _

"_It is, however, with only mild regret that Newton may have caused me to hurt the Forks' arbor life one day, though."_

_I looked at him questioningly._

"_Bella, if I ever saw him touch you again, the entire forest could be in trouble of being cleared in less than ten minutes. And that would only be in a grave attempt to spare his pathetic life." Edward pursed his lips and gritted his teeth. He had spoken of jealousy to me before but more thoughtfully. Now he was harboring feelings like…a human._

_Edward went on to admit the day he was spying on me and saw Mike brush a tendril of my hair from my face at school, which caused him to permanently damage an innocent tree. _

_If only he claimed me enough to change me, surely his jealousy would dissipate into the fog. _

_-xOx-_

And standing in my kitchen in a daze that is when it happened. "Owww! Son of a …!" I screamed as I sliced into my finger that was wrapped around a carrot. _This time_ I quickly stuck my finger into my mouth then sunk down to the floor, trembling. I looked around but realized there was no danger around me. There was nothing around me except loneliness conducting an orchestra of tears sliding down my face in memory of my birthday and how awfully everything went. I felt my bones turn spongy and soak up despair until the sudden sound of the phone ringing startled me.

Call it an adrenaline rush.

Call it overestimated anticipation.

Call it whatever, but I jumped up to answer it hoping it was him. I was _always_ hoping it was him.

"He..hello," I answered meekly reaching for a paper towel to wrap around my finger.

"Bella?" the voice responded smooth and velvety.

"Eh..Eh..?" I sobbed out.

"Bella, please don't hang up."

"Eh…Eh…?"

"I called to wish you Happy Thanksgiving, and I wondered if you and Charlie could use a dessert. I made pie."

"Pie? Ehh..Ehhsme?"

"Yes, dear, it's Esme. And it's pumpkin pie to be precise."

"Sure. Is _he_…"

"Bella are you okay? You sound upset."

"Have you heard from him?" I blurted out. "Is he back… for the holiday?" My eyes felt wildly lit up, charged even.

"No Bella, we haven't. In fact, it's just Carlisle and I together today, which I guess is why I had time to work on baking the perfect pie crust from scratch. Bella?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner. I've really been trying hard to put my family back together, and I hope you'll accept my pie as an apology."

"Of course," I offered to her, though no apology was needed since talking with Rosalie.

"I'll send Carlisle over within the hour to deliver the pie."

Before I even let him step foot in the house I had warned Carlisle that I had sliced my finger open but had already washed it and put a Band-Aide on it. If Esme hadn't called when she did, I realized I might have stayed curled up in a ball on the floor until Charlie came home, and that would have been a mistake, a definite deal breaker for my plans. A cut could have ruined everything-once again. I couldn't fall apart like that and risk blowing everything, not when I had so much to look forward to in the upcoming days. There was too much at stake.

Carlisle's visit was slightly odd. He entered with his medical bag, almost as if he had expected to have to patch me up. When I asked if Alice had seen something he told me that she had yet to return home but that Jasper had gone to be with her in Denali while Rose and Emmett had left for an extended honeymoon in Europe. After inspecting my finger Carlisle asked if I minded if he drew some of my blood to run some tests. I questioned the necessity of it.

"It's probably nothing, but it was something I noticed the night of the party and again when you visited the clinic. Your blood smells differently than the night we found you in the ballet studio."

"Different…how?" I asked.

"Just different. It could be due to several different reasons-hormonal, possibly anemia, or worst case scenario a high concentration of white blood cells indicating a disease. It's probably nothing, but I thought I would check to make sure. You should have a checkup with Dr. Gerandy when you can."

Before leaving, Carlisle confirmed Esme's words that they had yet to hear from Edward, but he hoped to hear from him once he reached Italy. He said goodbye with an endearing embrace, and I momentarily inhaled and cherished the cool sensation of his skin.

"Carlisle, Esme said she was trying to put the family back together. Do you think she blames me? You know as the reason she would have to…the reason he left…"

"No, Bella. She could never blame you."

"But aren't I the reason your family has…"

"Bella," Carlisle began very calmly, "when you live forever, there's bound to be incidents, trial separations, if you will. This isn't the first storm our family has weathered, nor will it be the last."

Then I found Carlisle stumbling as he spoke, unusual from the normal eloquent bedside manner he had just displayed, as he grasped at comforting words to say to me. "Esme and I wanted you to know that we…well…" He paused curling his hand around my shoulder slightly. "At least twice I can remember openly referring to you as a member of our family Bella and you've always remained just that to us."

His words brought about a slight gasp from me, as tears pooled in my eyes.

"I love you all too," I whispered as I hugged him back and mentally conveyed _goodbye_ to him not knowing when I would see him again.

There was no amount of gratitude I could express to him and Esme for having an excuse to call me when they did. It was everything I needed to remind me to stay focused, that I had a plan I was still in the midst of—one that Charlie had yet to suspect. He never even questioned who made the pie. I guess he assumed I had, though he seemed preoccupied during dinner. The next morning Dad and I had an early flight to Phoenix. He was already up and putting suitcases in the cruiser when I stumbled down to the kitchen.

"Whoa!" I stopped when I saw him coming through the front door.

"Who are you and what have you done with the City of Forks standard-issued cop mustache?" I teased.

Charlie grinned and stroked his now clean-shaven upper lip. "Yeah, well you know, your old man is allowed one change a year. I was thinking with the warmer climate in Arizona I wouldn't need the hair to keep my face warm so I decided I could do without it for the next few days or month."

It was no surprise we made it to the house several hours before my mom. It had been years since Charlie had last been there; middle school graduation was the last time I recalled. The house was still decorated. We never had expensive furniture, but a comfortable enough living area.

"Why didn't your mother take any of her furniture?" Charlie glanced around like he was taking in a crime scene. I was ready for him to pull out a pair of latex gloves.

I shrugged a shoulder gently and scrunched up my mouth to one side. "She wasn't sure it would work out."

Charlie nodded and offered up his 'inside' sports knowledge. "Hmmm…well you can get moved around a lot in the minor leagues I suppose. Sometimes you even get moved up to the majors." An overwhelming devilish grin spread across his face that may have been more obvious now that he was without facial hair. "Not that I think Phil needs to worry about that."

I had meant working out _with_ Phil, but I wasn't prepared to tell Charlie.

"The place seems a little dank. What do you say we hit the grocery store and pick up some essentials and I don't know… buy your mother some flowers or something."

"Really Dad…flowers?"

Charlie threw his hands up in the air. "Something simple—carnations or those little white cluster ones. Don't worry. Anything but roses."

I couldn't tell if he meant he didn't want to make a romantic gesture or if he was referring to that ill-fated scene in our living room a couple days after we had returned from Arizona last spring.

_-xOx-_

_We both heard the doorbell ring that Saturday afternoon. My leg was propped up on the couch as I tried to pour over my notes from biology class for the upcoming exam. _

"_Don't get up. I'll get it," Charlie smirked. My dad's sense of humor was usually only present when the laugh was at my expense, though he wasn't entirely amused by the broken leg situation. I heard voices at the door and was surprised to see Mike entering my living room holding a dozen roses that were mostly yellow with three red ones in the mix. _

"_Hey Bella. Yeah, so…some of us just wanted to let you know we miss you. Here. These are for you."_

"_Wow Mike, that's really thoughtful of … everyone? They are really beautiful. Umm…thank you." _

"_It's nothing. A few of us kicked in." He gestured nervously with his hand and pointed at the bouquet. "Oh hey, yellow…it's supposed to mean friendship."_

_He awkwardly tugged at one of the red roses until he got it out from the plastic then offered it to me._

"_And the red ones?" I asked cautiously taking the flower from him._

"_Well …umm …Tyler and I weren't sure if you and Cullen were still … I mean with prom coming up and all…" Mike stammered._

"_Am I interrupting something?" Edward was suddenly standing in the living room, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Charlie came bounding down the steps. _

"_Edward, I didn't hear you knock," Charlie grumbled._

"_Hello Chief. The door was left wide open, and when I saw Newton's car outside I figured there was an open-invite." Edward made sure I saw his quick grin. _

_Charlie passed by Edward heading to his recliner. "Well Bella, it looks like Bachelor number two is here." He looked back at Edward. "I don't know about this one honey, he didn't bring any flowers."_

"_Oh I've got something better than flowers," Edward grinned as he stepped around Mike and knelt down in front of me. He took my hand, kissed it, and mouthed the word 'hi' to me. I squeezed his hand in return, as much as I could. Physical affection in front of Charlie after taking off to Phoenix was definitely something we were trying to keep to a minimum. _

"_Well let's hear it," Charlie deadpanned while opening up the newspaper._

_Edward pulled out a folder from inside his jacket. "I have a note excusing Bella from gym class for the rest of the year." _

_I giggled toward Mike. "At least you won't have to worry about me causing any more gym accidents." _

"_That's it?" Charlie asked sounding annoyed as he flipped through the pages of the paper. "Well Sherlock wouldn't have needed Holmes to figure that out." Edward ignored Charlie and continued on._

"_I also have your take-home final exams for Biology and English." He enunciated the 'take home' part._

"_They're allowing take home examinations?" I asked right away in astonishment. _

"_For you they are." Edward flashed me a wide smile that told me he used his power of persuasion. "I suggested it to them based on the situation, of course."_

"_No way!" Mike shouted. "You get to do open book exams! What about the lab part of the Bio exam?"_

"_Well it seems based on her grades when she transferred in this year and because Bella has demonstrated her ability to successfully identify the stages of mitosis, decipher amoeba from paramecium, and label the different parts of human cheek cells to Mr. Banner's satisfaction, he decided she is exempt from the lab part of the final."_

"_Really!" I was so excited I threw my arms around Edward but quickly unfastened my grip. _

"_Oh man that's so unfair!" Mike pouted. _

"_Yes, and it will definitely be a hardship for me to have to endure that lab final without the help of the smartest lab partner I've ever had." Edward leaned into my ear to whisper, "…and the prettiest."_

_I smiled stupidly as Edward's phone was ringing, and he excused himself to take the call saying, "It's Alice."_

_Mike fished the other two red roses from the bouquet, and as I clumsily tried to take them, two of my fingers connected with the stem causing a tiny pinch then jagged tear. "Ouch, thorns!" _

_Blood didn't ooze, it gushed. _

"_Oh God Bella you're bleeding! You're not going to pass out again, are you?" Mike asked in despair._

"_Oh shit!" Charlie reacted jumping up from the recliner. He went into the kitchen and came back with a towel and glass of water. "Here stick your fingers in here. Mike, why don't you take these into the kitchen and put them on the counter."_

_Charlie slapped the flowers against Mike's chest and looked on as the blood oozing out of my fingers swirled into the water. "Why is everything a potential weapon against you?" _

"_At least you got to witness it this time, Dad." Charlie rolled his eyes. __If he only knew!__ He still wasn't amused with the situation. "Hold the towel in place. I'll be right back." Charlie walked off mumbling about a helmet and putting me in a bubble then returned with his First Aid kit and put a Band-Aid over my fingertip. _

"_Well, I should get going," Mike said in defeat. I thanked Mike for the flowers and told him not to worry about my new injury. On his way out I strained my ears to hear an exchange he had with Edward. The only part I caught was Edward's voice saying, "Jessica" and "prom."_

_When Edward returned he announced that Alice wanted to come over soon to bring me some cast-appropriate clothes, which I assumed meant dresses. He helped me up the stairs and whispered that Alice saw what was about to happen with the thorns. "It killed me to stay outside, but I didn't know how I would react to your blood again, so soon. I'm thinking a wrist corsage for prom—no roses and no pins. " _

_I inhaled my Edward's scent and melted into the safety of his arms as he took his time carrying me up the stairs and whispered I had no intention of going to prom. _

_-xOx-_

With all the chaos of my birthday party I never did ask Edward what his reaction to my blood was. So many times I had wanted to give him a taste over the summer, but he always refused me. He still didn't trust himself, even though I wanted him to partake. I wanted him to know he could have all of me, that he didn't have to think of me as the forbidden fruit anymore.

A few hours later we returned to the airport to pick up Renee. It all seemed to start off so well. Renee and Charlie small talked, but mostly Charlie kept trying to include me in conversation. Everything he said to Renee seemed to end in, "Isn't that right, Bells?" or "You tell her the rest, Bells." He was constantly engaging me, and in my effort to appear normal, I tried to keep up with his queues.

_Wait a minute!_

Was Charlie trying to prove to Renee that I was fine? Like I had been trying to prove to him? _Oh my God_! I think he was. He must have looked at this like he was attending his first single parent evaluation. Year in Review of Charlie Swan, Divorced Dad, New to Single Parenting. _Well Charlie, there's been two trips to the hospital, one broken leg, one near-fatal van collision, various cuts, bruises, recent frightening revelations about your daughter's safety during times when you weren't around her, a very serious bout of depression, and one openly broken heart during your term in office. The good news is your only child is still alive, despite her being a constant danger magnet. _

After Renee got settled in, Charlie announced that he was going to give us _some girl time, _but I protested telling him Mom and I would have plenty of time together once I returned to Florida with her. This was Charlie's time to talk with Renee. We spent some time out in the backyard enjoying the weather before Charlie insisted on taking us to dinner at a place of Mom's choice. How surreal it felt to be a normal family having dinner with continued small talk.

The next morning I tip-toed down the hall stopping at the end to listen. Charlie and Renee were already up and talking. I eyed them from behind the wall.

_You know what they say about eavesdroppers_, I blinked in memory of scolding Edward for listening in to my conversation with Jessica the day after everything that happened in Port Angeles.

"Charlie it was a long time ago. I don't really remember." Renee dusted around the bookshelves as Charlie held up the journal in one hand.

"Renee, if this had something to do with you leaving Forks then I need to know." Charlie had assumed his cop persona minus the 'stache.

"Oh Charlie, what does it even matter now?" Renee countered.

"It matters a hell of a lot to me." Charlie wasn't budging.

"Good morning," I said, making my presence known. "What's going on?" Charlie was sitting now and tapped his hand on the journal.

"Morning honey," my mother greeted me. "Did you have a good rest last night in your old room?" Yes, because I had been taking the sleeping pills Carlisle had prescribed me without telling Charlie. Looking rested was another part of the plan. Charlie wouldn't have allowed me to go otherwise.

"Mom, the journal. I want to know too." I poured myself a cup of coffee. "Anyone else want?" My mother motioned she had a cup. My father nodded so I filled up his cup then sat down next to him, nudging his arm slightly, again playing the part. I gave him a slight smile as I took a sip of coffee. "Ummm, this is kind of nice," I said looking around as Renee leaned against the counter smiling at us.

"So Mom, the journal. What exactly was going on with Billy?"

Renee voiced her surprise. "You mean you've read it?"

"Yeah. Sorry Mom, was it private?"

"Well it was a diary, though I suppose I did write it years ago…" Renee trailed off flipping through the pages.

Charlie had been jiggling his leg up and down signaling his silent impatience but soon broke. "So help me Renee, if you've been keeping…"

I reached a hand out to steady Charlie before he went all bad cop on Mom.

"Look Mom, we're all here to level with each other. I'm the one that asked Dad to come with me for a couple of days for support. I'm going off to…."

I stopped myself just in time.

"college… I'll be going off to college soon, and I've had such a rough past month. I really need this to help get back on track. I just need you guys to be okay with each other so that I can figure out how to be okay with me again—with just me."

_For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours…all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet. _

As far as my parents' divorce was concerned, I had always felt complete in myself too. But after everything I had gone through with Edward, everything else in my life felt out of balance. Diseased, in a way. Edward coming into my life was a complete shift in the landscape, not just a ripple.

And I've known it since the night in Port Angeles. Felt it, irrevocably.

After ninety years, was I just a ripple to him? Could he have been so unaffected?

What if Esme couldn't love Carlisle in return?

What if Jasper had moved on even after finding Alice?

What if Emmett wanted to roam, living with the likes of James or Laurent?

They had not. All of their bonds seemed so overwhelmingly strong… and easy. Carlisle, Alice, Rosalie…each of them had their own unique story of how meeting their significant other had been fortuitous and changed their lives—finding each other was finding their future, not just as couples, but as a family. And it was a future they all embraced instead of fighting.

Edward was always fighting everything.

Resisting human blood.

Fighting his desire for my blood.

Pretending to be seventeen.

Pretending to be…

_I'm…tired of pretending to be something I'm not Bella. I am not human_.

Pain ripped through me. Was he fighting us, too? Or was it just too much? Maybe it was too much to ask him to be near me day in and day out. Maybe it was too much to expect him to continue to resist my blood.

Renee had been reading through the journal and lifted her head. "Well it's all right here. Billy was scaring the hell out of me. I have no idea what he was talking about but he always made it a point to talk about the great legend of the tribe. I'll never forgive him for marring the beautiful memories of First Beach I had first meeting you there, Charlie, and then taking Bella there to play. Every time I stepped foot on that beach they just suddenly appeared talking gibberish and acting like had some claim staked in our daughter."

Mom looked off in the distance. I hadn't realized my mom's memories would have been so affected by this. My parents definitely had a whirlwind romance having met on First Beach and marrying after a few short weeks.

"Renee, why didn't you ever tell me any of this?"

"Oh right Charlie, because you would have been so willing to take it seriously?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Charlie recoiled, asking quietly.

"Your work was your life, and you were trying your best to mend relations between the reservation and the city. I knew this would just blur the lines."

"You think my own daughter wasn't important enough to me?"

"I think your judgment of where your loyalties lied would have been seriously tested if I had tried to tell you, and I didn't want to face being the short end of the stick."

"So you left, without giving me a chance?" Charlie demanded.

"Charlie what was I going to do? Pit you against your friend? Pit your family against your job?"

Charlie banged his fist on the counter, making me jump in reaction.

"I was always nervous, every summer Bella went to visit you, not knowing if she was going to be exposed to Billy and whatever he was talking about. Why do you think I used to call every day? Thankfully though there never seemed to be that many stories of Billy so by the time Bella wanted to move there with you I had finally let it go enough to be comfortable."

"So that's why you left?" I asked my mom, "It was to protect me?"

Renee looked over to Charlie then back to me. Her mouth hung slightly open, hesitant with releasing the next words.

"Alright, that's it. Renee, you and I are going to need to go over all of this from the beginning." Charlie paused then looked to me. "Uhhh, Bella, I think your mother and I need to discuss some things, without you kid."

"Oh, I'm not going anywhere," I said vehemently, only to be met by the sternest look I have ever received from Charlie in my life. He placed his cup down on the counter forcefully and turned slowly toward me.

"Bella," my father started calmly but sternly, "do you remember when I trusted you enough to drop me off at that clinic and let you drive back to the house alone to find what you were looking for?"

"Ummm, yes, but..." I protested.

"Then I need you to extend your mother and me the same courtesy."

_Fine!_ I needed to do something else while I was here anyway—something much more important.

"Fine, well can this at least wait until later? I have plans to go meet up with Alyssa Taylor later today. You guys can talk then without me, can't you?"

"Alright. And who might that be?" Charlie asked.

"Just a friend of mine from growing up here."

"Alyssa? Well there's a name I haven't heard in a while. I didn't think you two still kept in touch. Didn't you two go your separate ways years ago? Even before you moved away?" Renee queried. "What about Christine? How is she doing?"

"I don't know. So far, I've only called Alyssa. I don't want to get into a whole big thing with anyone. I just want to reconnect with someone without worrying about keeping up a long distance friendship. I mean I'll be going back to Forks soon, and Alyssa is probably still really busy. "

"Whatever you think is best Bella," Charlie responded shooting Renee a look. "I'll give you a ride to her house in the rental."

As I headed toward my old room I heard my mom tell Charlie that I hadn't been that friendly with Alyssa since we were nine years old, once there was a clear-cut divide in our interests, and how strange she thought it was because if I had one best friend in Phoenix it was definitely Christine. Charlie reassured Renee that I must have had my reasons.

And I did.

"So Bella…" Alyssa started, "tell me all about where you live now. What's it called again? Spoons?" Alyssa asked as we got into her 2004 white Mercedes. I marveled that it was November and she could put the top down.

"Forks. It's called Forks. There's not much to tell. It rains there a lot. It's cold, damp, and foggy. "

"Ugh! That sounds horrible!"

"It's definitely not a place for a convertible." _Not that it stopped certain people from having a nice shiny red one. _I basked in the rush of wind all around me as she drove. I closed my eyes and tried to trick myself into thinking I was on Edward's back as I felt the air tickle and nip at my skin.

"Then it is definitely NOT a place for me, either!" She laughed. "How do you stand it?" I shrugged. I wondered if I hadn't met Edward how long would have I been able to stand it. How anxious would I have been to follow Renee to Florida and leave Charlie back to his routine without me?

When I had called Alyssa, I told her I was just visiting and asked her if we could hang out because I knew where we could end up, a place that was a second home to her.

She held the door open for me. "Aren't you coming? Don't worry, it's closed today for the holiday weekend. I just have a key. Special practice sessions and all." She dangled the key in front of me. My feet felt stationary, like I had just stepped in cement.

"I'm not sure if you remember but it is way better now since all of the renovations. Come on. I'll show you!" Alyssa was beaming and waiting to show off her haven, her sanctuary, her home-away-from-home.

_It's the one place we never have to hide. _I heard his voice flash through my mind.

I willed myself in through the door slowly peeking inside into the dark and unknown, all the while reminding myself that I wanted to be here. I needed to find a place outside of Forks that he did exist for me.

"You'll hardly recognize it…" Alyssa pointed up, "they even rebuilt the arch after the fire. And even better, they wired in a cool surround system…Are you okay, Bella?"

"Lights…" I made out weakly, clutching the doorknob behind me before taking another step. I heard the terrifying voice in my head.

_How about you meet me at your old ballet studio. _

_This will break Edward's little heart. _

_Tell him! Tell him!_

_Pain ~ Flesh ~ Blood ~ Searing ~ Burning ~ Fire ~ Darkness _

Alyssa flipped the lights on. "Bella! Isn't it beautiful? All state of the art now and the bars don't wobble." Alyssa saw the panicked expression those memories were painting on my face.

"Okay, so like, I know you weren't all totally coordinated and all but you were only eight. It was supposed to be fun for you here right? I mean even though I know that Madam Wentzler was way too hard on us at that age. Don't you have any good memories from this place?"

I took a few steps in and saw multiple Bellas staring back at me all with new thoughts taking over.

_Bella you're a wonderful dancer. Mom, I suck. You don't suck._

_An angel. _

_I've seen it Edward. It's gonna happen. _

_You can sleep, sweetheart, I'll carry you. _

_I love you._

My hands flew to my cheeks as I took in a fast gulp of air. He loved me. _Here!_ I overwhelmingly relaxed from the inside out. I remember it now. This is why I had come here in search of today-another memory of him saying "I love you" to keep in a special pocket of my heart, another memory of us.

And Alice seeing me as one of them.

"Yes," I smiled at Alyssa. "I have a couple of fond memories here actually."

Alyssa went on to tell me about how she was going to be the star in an upcoming production of The Nutcracker and how deserving she was after so many years of work she had put into dancing. I listened to her go on and on.

This was all part of my plan.

After we left the ballet studio, I thanked Alyssa for sharing her world with me. I knew it wasn't something she got to do often. Unlike me, I knew Alyssa had gone on to excel in dancing and was involved in lots of shows outside of school over the years. It had kind of made her an outcast in school because often she got out of school early or had extra days off to be part of shows. Alyssa had always been outgoing and willing to overshare the excitement she felt from dancing in shows and people she met but most people were unwilling to listen. Dancing was her world, but it was a whole different world that the rest of us couldn't be part of and she was envied as a general reaction for being part of something we weren't. I understood now how much it meant to her to be part of a world that was hard to share with others.

I knew I needed to go there, to find the place where he existed with me outside of Forks. It was all there under an arch, within the parameters of mirrors, and bordered by bars attached to walls. I hugged Alyssa and thanked her with tears in my eyes as she dropped me off at my house, wishing her success in her upcoming show. I told her how much I would love to come see her perform but explained why I couldn't make it back. She understood that geographically it was going to be a complete impossibility.

-x-

"You're smiling!" Laney beamed. "Were you dreaming about something good?

"I actually wasn't asleep. Just lost in thought," I continued to smile.

"About what?" Laney asked.

"Wow…you know you really ask a lot of questions. You would love my friend Jessica. She's a lot like you_." If Jessica and I were still friends any more._ My study couple of sessions with Angela and Mike at my house always seemed to be at times Jess had other plans. Maybe she and Mike had broken up. I guess I really hadn't been that good of a friend to her if I sat here not knowing.

"My dad says it's good to ask questions. He says that's how he wins his cases for his clients. That when you are being told something you don't want to hear, you need to ask the right questions."

_Was that it? Did I not ask the right questions that day he left?_ I imagined myself cool and confidently asking … no demanding … answers from Edward that day.

_You just don't belong in my world. _

_Why? You said I was your life now. How could I not belong? Tell me, Edward…what's changed from that day?_

_You're not good for me, Bellla._

_I'm not? Haven't you been able to trust me with your secrets? Haven't I let you dictate everything in this relationship to cater to what you are and to how you need to live?_

_Can I ask one thing? Don't do anything reckless…for Charlie's sake._

_Reckless? Like hurt myself? You're the one being reckless with my heart. This is going to hurt me more than I could ever hurt myself. And are you just worried for Charlie's sake? What about you Edward? Do I mean so little to you that if something happened to me you wouldn't care…ever? You know I don't need to be reckless. No matter how careful I'll ever be, danger will find me. Are you okay with not being there when it does?_

Maybe if I had only challenged one of his answers it would have been enough. I excused myself to use the restroom. I usually try to avoid that on my flights but all of that Coke was going right through me and so were the tears.

"Oh good you're back just in time. The movie is about to start." Laney sing-songed to me.

Ugh. I had carefully avoided this movie for years. Now I was going to be forced to watch it. I put on my headphones and settled into a viewing of Mrs. Doubtfire.

-x-

I felt the comfort of soft fleece lightly touching my shoulder then heard footsteps going further and further away.

"So tell me how you did it Charlie," my mother asked softly.

"Did what Renee?"

"Got Bella to snap out of it. On the phone you always made it seem so dire. She's nothing like I expected … I was so afraid we were going to have to…." Renee's voice trailed off.

"Have to what?" Charlie inquired calmly.

I opened my eyes slightly and realized I was lying on the couch. After Alyssa dropped me home last night I had come into a quiet house and an empty driveway. Renee told me Charlie had gone out for some fresh air, so I decided to sit up and wait for him, assuming the discussion about the journal hadn't gone very well.

"More eggs?" Renee offered.

"No Renee, I want more answers." I heard a chair scrape against the floor.

"Charlie sit down, please. There's something I need to tell you."

"I'm not liking the sound of this," Charlie grumbled. I could almost hear him rolling his eyes and swiping across his upper lip. This was going to be bad. Very bad. I squeezed my eyes tighter and remembered how much I hated that I had forgotten my IPod.

"When Bella and I moved away all those years ago she didn't adjust very well at the beginning. She retreated within herself."

"Uh huh." I heard Charlie acknowledge that he was following along with Renee's story.

"I witnessed everything you described her as being last month – barely eating, night tremors, just miles away from the outside world. After two months I didn't know what to do for her anymore." Renee paused, but I wanted her to keep going. I didn't know about any of this.

"Charlie, I was naïve and young and didn't know who to trust. And I just wanted my baby back."

"What are you saying, Renee. Did you let someone hurt Bella? After what you just explained about leaving Forks…"

"No!...Not exactly. I didn't want her on medications and that's all the doctors kept offering me. Or there was counseling for her, but she wasn't even talking, how could I expect her to communicate to a therapist?" Renee's voice cracked. "I trusted a doctor in California that recommended Bella undergo shock therapy."

My hand flew to my mouth to stifle a wince of surprise.

"Jesus Christ Renee! You can't be fucking serious." This time the chair scraped harshly against the tile floor. "You mean to tell me that you consented to our daughter being set up to…to…God knows what to get electricity pulsed through her?"

"Well I was desperate. And _it_ worked!" I heard my mom holding her ground. Neither of them noticed I was sitting up on the couch now. "I did what I thought was best at the time."

"Without ever running it by me? Without telling me to begin with that there was any kind of problem with her? Jesus Renee, if you had just brought her back to Forks, she wouldn't have had to go through that!"

"Or, maybe if I had taken her back to Forks she would have been subjected to _worse_ by your friend Billy Black and all his big plans for our daughter to marry Jacob once he turned eighteen years old and become the _next great tribal leader _that will lead them in some big battle for their people_."_

_Marry Jacob? Big battle? _

"I would have never let that happen!" Charlie snapped.

"Oh come on, Charlie. You don't know that! Maybe you would have been too wrapped up in your job to take notice just like…"

"Oh right Renee, blame my job again..."

"Stop! Stop it!" I yelled jumping up off the couch and heading toward the breakfast bar. Renee and Charlie were talking over each other but both gave up when they saw me.

"Mom… I had shock therapy?" I asked making sure I heard her correctly.

"I'm sorry honey. It's not something that should have had any lasting effects. You've grown up completely healthy and smart."

I stood there with my mouth agape trying to process this. Renee approached me taking my hand.

"Honey, you were just nonresponsive. I tried to help you in other ways first. The doctors had me take you to the beach in California just to get you outside more. I couldn't get you to talk. You'd barely eat. You were just lost somewhere."

"Taking things to the extreme. That was always your way wasn't it Renee?" Charlie's voice was accusatory.

"Yeah, Charlie, well I guess I had to be. I didn't know what I was dealing with so I did the best I could trying to figure things along the way. I figured out Bella was willing to eat Cheerios over anything else. I figured out that putting a cold washcloth on her face in the morning helped wake her up. I figured out that playing certain music over and over at least got her to take a bath and get dressed."

"Roxette," I whispered quietly to myself.

"What?" Renee asked.

"The music."

"You remember the music?" Renee asked skeptically.

"I'd say so," Charlie said. "She was playing it every day for over a month." Charlie wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in tightly. Renee moved to stroke my forehead gently.

"I'm sorry baby, but we got through," Renee whispered sympathetically allowing me to rest my head onto her shoulder. I stood there embraced by my parents and a small part of me felt complete, even though Charlie still wasn't happy. The afternoon passed with Renee explaining how she met Dr. Richards, the doctor who administered the shock therapy. Charlie and Renee continued to mince words with each other. Even after I had pulled him aside and tried to explain that the choices Mom had made all those years ago somehow helped me, Charlie continued to remain very irritated with Mom no matter how much she tried to explain it and no matter how much I tried to buffer the situation. At the airport, they were barely speaking any longer, and I realized I had spent so much time trying to run interference that I had forgotten about trying to act normal. I was just being myself.

-x-

"Here! Take one," a sobbing voice said to me. I looked over to see Laney was handing me a tissue. I didn't even realize I was crying.

"I can't believe they don't get back together Mom," Laney sniffed.

"I know sweetie, but the reality is that many parents get divorced and life goes on. Not all kids have a father who would be willing to dress up as a nanny though to be near them like in this movie," Claudia tried to explain to her daughter.

I wiped away my tears, remembering why I had avoided seeing this movie for so long. I reached for my the headphones to the CD player and listened to Edward's music trying to figure out what was so wrong with me that I would have needed shock therapy as a child. On the flight to Florida with my mom I asked her about it and she told me she would rather talk about it once we got to Florida.

Her new house was cute, and I did like the room she had set up for me, but Mom and I spent most of our time outside on their patio. Their backyard bordered a small marsh, and I loved to look at the sun sparkling off the water. At just the right angle, I saw glimmering hues. I saw _him_.

"Mom, are you okay with the decision you made to get me help?"

"Sweetie, when you love someone you are willing to do anything for them. I only wish I could have been the one who pulled you back from wherever that place is that you went to in your mind. Your dad is right, I can go to extremes but only when I've had to. You only had a few sessions of very low-grade therapy. Very mild from what I've read. But know this, if I could have, I would have let them shock me instead. "

"But why didn't you ever tell me, or Dad?"

"Because I couldn't bear to have Charlie think worse of me than he already did, and I didn't want to risk him taking you away from me. I especially didn't want you back in Forks. Can you understand how desperate I was to keep you?"

"Yeah, I guess I can."

"Good. Because right now, I'm less worried about the past and more worried about your heart."

"I'm okay."

"Really?" Mom asked as she sipped iced tea on the lounge chair.

"Yeah, Mom." Well ever since seeing Rosalie I was. More so than not.

"Then I guess you know what you want me to do with this…" My mom reached under the lounge chair and pulled out a box. She carefully opened the box and held out a picture for me.

It was him. He had mailed the pictures from before my birthday party. As I reached for the picture I broke down.

"Oh mom, it just hurt so much when he left." I threw myself into my mom and let her hug me. I hadn't realized how much I needed my mom's comfort.

"I know," my mom cooed. "It's always the way with your first love. It stings. It burns. It's all completely normal. _You've _turned out completely normal."

If my mom was trying to reassure herself, I think she was wrong. My mom asked me so many questions about Edward and the breakup, and I answered her as much as I could.

"Bella, I told you in the hospital in Phoenix, that he was in love with you. It was obvious. Maybe he loved you too much, maybe more than you loved him. When I left your father, I didn't leave the love I had for him behind. I took it with me."

"Wait, what did you just say?"

"About your father?"

"No," I sobbed, "before that."

"Maybe he thought he loved you more than he thought you loved him."

_Don't you see? That's what proves me right. I care the most, because if I can do it—if leaving is the right thing to do- then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe. _The memory flashed through my mind.

"He did, I think." I wiped my tears and stood up holding the picture. I walked over toward the water, watching the sun's rays dance and glisten. There were sparkles off in the distance, as far as I could see.

"Mom, you're wrong. I'm not normal." I looked down at my picture and quietly told him, "I don't want to be."

"Oh honey, you are perfectly normal," my mom approached me and followed my gaze.

"This just hurt way too much for it to be normal. Why did it have to hurt that much?"

"Honey, I agree it's been a tough road for you, so maybe you're right, but you _can_ be normal from now on. You have so much to look forward to. You're going to go away to college and meet lots of new people. You'll go through so many changes in the next couple of years. You'll have lots of opportunities with lots of choices, and all I want is for you to be able to make the right choices for you. You know, women don't even hit their stride until they turn twenty-one years old. And someday, if you ever find yourself face to face with Edward again, you'll be fine because you will know that you've moved on."

"Is that how it's been for you and Dad?"

Renee hesitated. "Ummm, it has been. I guess now that you read the journal, you know that things were a little more complicated with us."

"Mom, did you want to be with Dad?"

"There is a part of me that never left Forks and remains there with your father…forever."

"But Mom, you aren't with him. You've moved on."

"Don't confuse moving away with moving on, honey. Forever is as encompassing as love. It's as enduring as the sky. Forever is something that you're already a part of when you are born into this life, not something you need to try to define and not something you obtain."

"So then… "

"Bella, there are a lot of sacrifices with love whether you are with someone or not. Come on, let's go make dinner. Phil will be getting home tonight and he'll be so glad to see you. Let me know when you decide what you want me to do with these pictures."

During my last night in Florida I told my mom to keep the pictures after packing away one picture of him. What if I needed to ask someone if they had seen him? It would be best to do it with a picture, wouldn't it? And now, as I sat on this plane, I desperately wanted to pull it out, but I didn't want to have to explain any more to the little girl sitting next to me. I carefully pulled out the notes I had with me instead, took a deep breath, and placed them back in the zippered pocket of my anorak along with my passport and cell phone.

_I'll be there with a big hug and probably a f_ully-_grown mustache when your plane lands Bells_, was the last thing Charlie had said to me on the phone from the airport in Florida after reminding me he had given me an extra disposable cell phone and pepper spray to use in case of an emergency. I smiled to think of my Dad and how caring he's been but then saddened to know how horrible he must have felt on his trip back to Forks. Things just had gone sour with mom. He had answers now but it cost him the amicable relationship he had established with Renee.

Just as the flight attendant finished her preprogramed lines about putting the tray upright and fastening the seatbelts, I felt Laney looking over at me.

"I love your necklace. I've been trying to figure out what that symbol on it stands for. It looks like something I saw on a shield at a medieval festival."

My fingers immediately went to the metal piece in the middle of the black ribbon that sat in the dip above my throat.

"Thank you. I actually forgot I was wearing it."

"So what is it?" the inquisitive little girl pressed.

"A family symbol…" I replied and was saved by the captain's voice as he came over the intercom.

"Here we go folks. We are making our approach." The pilot relayed the message, and I braced myself. I hated this part of the flight. Laney offered me gum, which I unwrapped quickly and began chewing furiously while holding my ears.

_I felt as if I were stupidly sticking my head out the window of an airplane in flight _was how I described that first time Edward took me running with him when we left the meadow. It was the first time I had ever felt the faintness of motion sickness.

My stomach twisted in knots but not just from the motion sickness.

Maybe love isn't enough. Renee and Charlie both seemed to never stop loving each other but ended up walking away from each other in disgust after the reunion. If I were to find him, if he were to find me, what right do I have to think love is enough? What IS enough to keep two people together? If two humans didn't have a shot at being together forever how did a vampire and a human have any chance?

This was hacking my stomach to pieces. Stupid! _Stupid!_ I've been so naïve. I may be eighteen but was I any more mature than Laney fantasizing over a boy with good hair? I sat realizing I was nothing more than a ten-year-old girl with hopes that belonged in a movie and misguided thoughts about a fantasy love. Having Edward walk away, leaving me feeling broken and hurt was one thing, but how could I survive seeing him again and walking away feeling contempt for him like I had just witnessed with my parents?

I couldn't.

_This. _

_Ugh, this plan of mine_.

It suddenly just seemed like a bad idea that I had been fooling myself with for weeks, and as soon as I got off this plane I was going to talk to my Dad and confess everything to him.

"On behalf of Virgin Airlines, we would like to thank you for flying with us. We hope you've enjoyed your flight."

The pilot paused as I felt the plane finally stop.

"You can open your eyes now and undo your fists," Laney whispered, as I heard the crackle of the intercom and the pilot announced himself again wishing us a pleasant stay.

"Benevenuti!" the pilot finished, "Welcome to Italy."

* * *

_A/N : Wow way too much time to think when you are on flights! Thoughts? _

_Back in 2005, Ryan Cabrerra was big, right?_


	13. Exchanging Plans

A/N: Was anyone surprised that Bella was not on a plane back to Forks?

So it seems Bella accepted the exchange student invitation to Italy with Charlie none the wiser as to any ulterior motive she might have. We know better. But now Bella has convinced herself that going to Italy was a stupid idea. It probably was.

Lori, can't believe we made it through another chapter! Thank you!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight. All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

_Exchanging Plans_

Bella's POV

As we landed, I turned my phone on and sent a quick text to Renee to tell her the plane had landed safely in Italy so she wouldn't worry. But, what was I going to do now? Go ahead with the exchange program or immediately book a flight home?

How would Charlie react to me explaining that I came to Italy in search of finding Edward just to get that chance, those ten minutes or so, to talk to him and tell him how I felt? How would I convince him that going to all of this trouble to get to Italy wasn't any different than the road trip we had taken together?

Convincing Charlie to let me go on this trip to begin with wasn't as easy as I hoped it would be. I had thought I remembered him telling me it sounded like a good idea to him when he read the invitation, but when I told him that I had gone ahead and responded 'yes' via email, he was very apprehensive – maybe it was just because I went ahead and did it without consulting him first.

He knew what a rut I was in with school, and ultimately, I was able to persuade him that the change of scenery would help give me a fresh outlook as well as earn me extra credit for school, which I desperately needed to make up for the past two months. With college acceptance looming, he finally agreed that this trip would be beneficial for me _academically speaking._

Of course, he had a number of conditions: I was to carry an extra phone, a throwaway one. I was to keep my passport and ID on me rather than in any bags. I was to have a 'throw and run' wallet in case anyone tried to mug me, meaning a wallet with a small amount of money in it I could toss in one direction if approached by a mugger so that I could take off running the other direction. And, of course, I was to carry pepper spray with me at all times. Thus, the need for buying some anoraks at the GAP with the zippered middle section. I looked down at the full pocket I was sporting and reached down into it sorting through the things before pulling out my itinerary.

**Upon your arrival, a car will be provided to **

**pick you up at the airport. **

**We look forward to making your acquaintance, **

**Isabella**.

A sudden shiver ran down my spine. Why was that line written with such creepy familiarity? I'm one of ten students from Washington on this trip, but obviously I was the only one who would be flying in from Florida. Knowing I would be meeting up with nine others was a thought I was taking comfort in as the sinking feeling of not knowing any Italian was settling into the pit of my stomach.

-x-

"_Ciao! We're making Italiano for you. I hope you're hungry," Esme had greeted me for the first time. _

"_Buon giorno," I responded awkwardly. _

"_Molto Bene!" Esme returned with a warm smile._

_-x-_

That was the extent of my Italian, merely enough to get me through the nervousness of meeting the Cullens for the first time at their house. Edward, of course, was fluent in Italian, as well as many languages. And hearing him speak the language was divine, especially that one summer day in July. I dreamily sighed remembering it.

-xXx-

_I had insisted on driving myself to his house that afternoon, having just gotten the leg brace removed and cleared by Dr. Gerandy that my leg was all healed. I had missed driving. Edward understood, but he was still nervous about me going much further than his house in the truck._

"_What's all this?" I asked looking at Edward. His apparel was much crisper than usual. I took in his white dress pants and a light blue button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, as he met me at the door of the Cullen's house. _

"_I thought we could go to Bella Italia to celebrate you getting your cast off and the anniversary of our first non-date," he beamed, smiling widely to show off his perfect set of teeth. "Not a year anniversary. I know it has only been a few months."_

_I couldn't believe he thought to remember. I had forgotten the exact day—so much had happened in the last few months. Stupid, perfect vampire brain! I felt my face drop below the steps and deep into the earth beneath me._

"_Well, I know I went about it all wrong. It's not like I officially asked you out to dinner that day, but it was the best first non-date I've ever had. I'd gladly go through the formalities for you today if you wish."_

_He reached out to take both of my hands._

"_Bella Swan, would you do me the honor of allowing me to take you out to dinner?" He flashed his trademark smile at me in satisfaction of his words or at the memory. _

"_Hey, what's wrong?" He asked jutting his head down to meet my averted eyes. _

"_It was…the best non-date - and certainly, a very informative one. But I'm a little underdressed compared to you." I looked down at my yellow spaghetti strap tank top and white shorts I had put on earlier today. The only 'celebrating' I had conceived of had to do with breaking out my shorts to wear in this warmer-than-usual weather we had that week without that ugly leg brace._

"_Hmmmm, turn around. Let me see," he said. _

_He took my hand and gently spun me at first, slowly, but in barely a split second I was inside the house and pinned up against the wall at the bottom of the staircase. Feeling the solidness of his chest pressed up against me, he gently caressed my right shoulder sliding two fingers under the spaghetti strap, tugging at it lightly. He skimmed his nose up along my cheek, slowly working his way up to my ear where he blew his cool, sweet breath on me, whispering words of approval about my wardrobe choice. I could feel the weakness in my knees just as I was about to lose consciousness. _

"_Oh no, you don't!" He pulled away but gripped me at my shoulders, just forcefully enough to brace me. "Breathe Bella!" he commanded. _

_I felt woozy, intoxicated by him, so sweetly. Within a second, he had gently placed me on the bench at the bottom of the stairs._

"_Nonostante tutto quello che sai di me, come può essere che ho ancora questo influisce molto su di voi?" _

_[_Despite everything you know about me, how can I still have this much effect on you?_]_

"_How about some fresh air instead? We can pack a picnic and go to our meadow if you'd like."_

"_That sounds…perfect," I said, struggling to sit up but coherent enough to realize I'd have him all to myself for the afternoon._

"_Edward?" _

"_Yes?" He knelt down beside the bench. _

"_Promise me you'll speak Italian to me more often."_

_He smiled back at me without arrogance. "Il tuo desiderio è il mio comando mia bella ragazza. Bene, almeno non ho a che fare con le ragazze a Bella Italia e dei lori inviti."_

_[_Your wish is my command, my beautiful girl. Well, at least I don't have to deal with the invitations of the waitresses in Bella Italia_.]_

"_What about Bella Italia?" I asked him._

"_It's nothing. Can you handle standing now?" he asked with a wicked smirk of satisfaction rather than concern as he stood. "Why don't you go see what Esme has for you in the kitchen while I get changed?"_

"_I'd rather come watch you," I admitted with a quiet grin, standing now, but still grasping the armrest of the bench for balance. _

_He leaned down and kissed my forehead, his hand gently placed around my wrist. Slowly, his lips slid down to my temple, like a melting ice cube leaving a trail of cool sensation, until they tickled my earlobe in whispers._

"_Oh would you now, wobbly girl," he teased. "Well you can..." He stopped to give me a coy smirk, nodding toward the stairs. "… if you can beat me up that many stairs on your own." His words were teasing of my human inabilities, as usual. He pulled back to smile at me and let his head nod again and his eyes dart toward the steps – a challenge invite. _

"_Fine!" I shook off his hand, stomped my foot and then started up the stairs by myself, not looking behind as I called out, "I'll meet you back in the kitchen." _

_He zoomed ahead of me quickly, without even offsetting my balance, and stopped at the step ahead of me, blocking my way._

"_You're awfully adorable when you don't get your own way. I don't see this side of you nearly enough, though I fully blame myself." He chuckled out of the side of his crooked smile, allowing his right hand to gracefully land on my upper arm. _

"_Pffft!" I mocked out. "Take a look at this side of me," I said as I hooked his bicep with my right hand to slide his body out of the way. He obliged as I sidestepped around him and took a few more of the stairs, shaking my backside as best as I could. _

_I moped until I was suddenly gently scooped up, light as a child's beloved stuff animal and held just as lovingly, and hurried up the remaining steps. Once deposited in the kitchen, Edward flashed away quicker than my eyes could see._

"_One day, Edward Cullen, not only am I going to beat you up those stairs, I am going to outrun you through the forest!" I called out after him. _

_No answer, but I wasn't giving in just yet._

"_You'll be choking on my sparkle dust!" I yelled out, even though I know I didn't need to yell for him to hear me._

"_Hah!" he bellowed out from above my head. _

"_And, when I finally decide to let **you** catch up with **me**, before you even realize what hit you, I will have all of your clothes removed, drag you and your sparkly assets into the brush, and have my way with you!"_

_Let him think about that! It didn't really sound like something I would do, so I was laying on a thick coating of that Alice-like confidence I envisioned having as my future vampire self. I heard a giggle and slowly turned to see Rose standing in the far corner. I'm not sure if your cheeks can turn so crimson they would implode, but I felt like mine would._

_At the same time, my ears weren't sure if they heard a low, playful growl or a muffled deep, feral moan, just prior to something either breaking or dropping in a clashing sound that erupted from somewhere on the third floor._

-xXx-

I'd never hear that playful growl again, would I? There was a time when I thought I wanted to block out all the memories I had with him, but that was no longer the case. I remembered everything.

"Bella? Hey Bella! Aren't you coming?" Laney was waiting in the aisle for me.

I scooted into the aisle and retrieved my bag from the overhead compartment after a couple of tugs and a good pull.

"Do you guys mind if I follow you to baggage claim?" I asked of my mother-daughter flying companions after sharing with them the 'educational' reason I was traveling alone and explaining this had been my first trip to Italy.

"Not at all. We'll wait to make sure your ride is secured," Claudia answered. _I don't think a ride is going to be necessary. I needed to book a flight back to Forks. _

"Thank you." We made our way off the airplane, and I followed them to baggage claim amidst the crowded airport, struggling to push through the people. "Is it always this crowded?" I asked.

"No, there are several people in for the celebration of All Hallow's eve."

"You mean like Halloween? Isn't that supposed to be the end of October?"

"In the States, yes, but here things are a bit different. The culture chooses to celebrate the night before the month Christ was born. They believe it is a cleansing of sorts before Advent begins. Tonight if you're in the square of Voltera, you'd see people walking through in black robes holding white candles. It's quite profound… and spiritual."

"That sounds a little creepy." People walking around in black robes? Was there a virgin sacrifice made too? I wrapped an arm across me.

"It's just supposed to be a cleansing of sins in order to prepare one's soul for the arrival of Christ. The site of glowing candles at night is truly breathtaking. If you want creepy though, you should come back in the spring when Voltera celebrates the Festival of San Marcos. The citizens wear bright red robes to commemorate the ousting of vampires from the city."

_Vampires?_ Did she really just say that? I looked at her befuddled, and she mistakenly tried to explain away the fear she thought she had incurred on me.

"Oh Bella, it's just a tourist holiday. Vampires are no more real than little cherubs flying around with bows and arrows in February." She laughed, to which I smiled in shy agreement but was suddenly struck by the name of the city she had just uttered, as I felt overly burdened carrying my retrieved baggage.

I stopped to readjust my grip around the handle of my suitcase, and something triggered in my memories.

_Voltera_. It reminded me of that word 'vulture' or 'vulcherry' Edward had spoken about the day of my birthday. I thought about it but couldn't seem to remember the exact word, only that Edward said he would provoke them into killing him. I shook that thought away. I still couldn't handle the thought of something happening to him, and I shivered spontaneously out of a desperate need to know he was alright.

"I believe your ride is here." Claudia pointed over to a tall, slim brunette woman holding a sign that said, **Ms. Isabella Swan**. "Enjoy your stay here! It was so nice to meet you." Laney beamed up at me and told me I was her favorite person she ever met on a plane.

I approached the woman slowly after nodding and waving goodbye to my flying companions. "Uhh, hi, I'm Isabella."

"Oh, Isabella. Piacere di conoscerti! You are most welcome to be here in our beautiful country. My name is Gianna, and if you'll follow me I have a driver waiting in our auto, uhh how you say, automobil. Forgive me, if my English is not grand. This way, please." Her arm extended toward large glass doors.

"Don't we have to wait for other students?" I asked looking around the airport and seeing Laney and her mom walking further and further away.

"Other students?" Gianna seemed puzzled then brightened. "Oh right, right. Yes the others are scheduled to arrive later. You are the first. Tis okay, no?"

"Oh," I replied. _Great! So no one to talk to yet._

"Come then, we shall not want to keep them waiting."

"Keep who waiting?" If the other students weren't here yet.

"Why your hosts, but of course. Come, you shall get better acquainted with them. They cannot wait to meet you, Isabella Swan." Oh right, a host family was awaiting me.

The trunk was open and waiting for us. Gianna directed me with my blue suitcase. The car was dark with tinted windows. It seemed like a limo, not a stretch one, but a definite luxury car.

At the car I was met by an extremely large man in a black robe who offered to take my bags. "This is Felix, our driver," Gianna announced. He kept his face hidden as I handed him my bags to be put in the trunk. In passing my suitcase over I slightly tripped, stumbling, but he reflexively grabbed my wrist to steady me—his grip on me was short and light, but I _felt it_. Really _felt _it. He was cool with smooth skin, just like Edward's.

_Gasp!_

I wanted to flinch, but I didn't. I wanted to check his face, find answers in his eyes. I tried, but his face remained cloaked by the hood.

_Oh God, what did this mean? _

_What did this mean? _

I studied the woman briefly as I squinted from the sun. She was definitely wearing makeup and the olive complexion you would expect to see from the area. She didn't seem to be one of them.

"Umm, do you think I could just run back inside and use the bathroom? It was a long flight." I appealed to the woman, hoping to avoid any scene with the driver.

She glanced over at the man in the robe then back to me. "Sure, and I will escort you."

"I really don't think that is necessary," I shook my head.

"Of course, I am insistent. Right this way," she returned, outstretching her arm to guide me. We found our way into a bathroom just beyond a central waiting area, and Gianna at least stated she would be waiting outside the door.

I thought over what I had just experienced with the driver. Was I just imagining it?

I splashed cold water on my face then leaned on the vanity in front of the sink and looked into the mirror, allowing my head to dip forward to try to think. Was this a good thing? Would this vampire help me find Edward or would I be no more than prey to him? _Find Edward?_ Wait, ten minutes ago I had abandoned the idea of finding Edward - telling myself how stupid my plan had been and how I had been fooling myself all along…. But that was before I thought over his story of how there were vampires in Italy that he was willing to seek out for his own demise.

Carlisle said Edward was coming to Italy. What other possible reason would he have to come here if not to carry out that plan he had once told me he came up with. But that was if I died at the hands of James, and I didn't so why? Why would he still need to carry out that plan now?

"_I'm tired of trying to stay away from you."_

"_It will be as if I never existed." _I flinched. I could hear his words over and over in my head_._

I gasped, clutching the marble vanity in front of me and stared into the mirror. _No, no, no! He was going to get himself killed in order to cease to exist? In order to keep his promise to stay away from me? No! He can't. I won't let him. That's insane! No Edward, you can't._

_Alright, think Bella, think! Now what? A new plan? The old plan? What was the next part of your plan? _

I could barely breathe as I held firmly to the vanity until I felt tears streaming down my face. The sensation of the rolling salty mixture washed over me and I tried to pull myself together. After wiping the tears away, I pulled a small sewing kit out from my pocket and pried out the dollar bill I had left in it. Edward told me once how much he hated to handle money because there was something about the ink and paper that held in the scent of all the hands it had passed through. I pricked my finger slightly and allowed the blood to bubble up before smearing it onto the bill. Here it was, my version of a note for Edward. He had left me one hidden under the floorboards that I had no idea I needed to look for, and now I was leaving one hidden for him. One I had no idea if he would ever get-a stationary message in a bottle to a vampire.

I thought about what my father had told me that day in my bedroom, the day he had found Edward's note. I heard him asking me.

_Why didn't you ask me for help? _

I quickly ran my finger under cold water. The last thing I wanted was the scent of fresh blood to reach the man in the robe. The car's driver was ferocious. Larger than Emmett, in comparison. If he was one of them, then I definitely needed help.

_You can always count on me, Bells, _I could still hear my father's voice in my head.

I stuck my finger in my mouth, pulled out my gum, and then smashed it to the dollar bill and stuck it under the vanity. I spied the door quickly then pulled out my phone.

_I'm your father. I will always help you._

I had to let him know this time. I sent Charlie a quick text then decided that wasn't enough, so I selected the programmed number and waited while it rang, chewing on my fingernail, moving to crouch in the far corner of the bathroom. _Shit!_ Voicemail.

"Hi," I whispered into the phone. "It's me, Bella. I'm here… in this city Volterra. I think I'm in trouble. I-, I- need your help." I disconnected just in time as the door flung open and Gianna was standing there smiling.

"Ahhh, Ms. Swan. We must be going now. We don't want to keep them waiting."


	14. Under the Dome

**A/N: Twilight Forever! Yes, I shall try to update again, soon. **

**Thanks always to Lori!**

***Disclaimer and Chapter References: Stephenie Meyer owns the wonderful world of Twilight. I'm just co-existing in it. _**According to Stephenie Meyer's Illustrated Guide, Chelsea is a member of the Volturi Guard who has the ability to bind one person to another. She cannot break/override romantic binds. If deemed necessary, Aro's allegiance from other members comes from them being bound to him by Chelsea. Her husband is Afton, who is a minor shield. Corin is a bodyguard who has the ability to make anyone feel content in his or her circumstances. Sulpicia = wife of Aro. Athenodora=wife of Caius.**_

* * *

Under the Dome

**Bella's POV**

I took another look at Gianna. Her eyes were a natural brown, and she wore only a light amount of makeup. She was as human as me. Once in the car, my view of the driver was blocked by his position. The windows were tinted dark, but I tried to focus on the country road as we sped toward our destination. We were suddenly within corridor streets, immersed in a city that was full of people in dark garb and hoods. It was the cleansing ceremony my flight companions had mentioned to me.

"Here you are, put this on," Gianna said as she handed me a black robe. "It's a short walk from where Felix will be able to drop us off." Sliding into it, the black robe wrapped around me was thick and velvety. Jet lag was setting in, and the last thing I felt like doing was walking, but I held onto hope that somehow this vampire would lead me to Edward.

I gasped. What if Edward had arranged this? My mind raced with the possibility that he needed to see me outside of Forks, the same way I needed to see him outside of Forks. Maybe the powerful _vulcherry_ _vampires_ had helped him figure out a way we could be together. Or maybe there was a different group here that Edward had come to visit.

Wishful thinking on my part, wasn't this? Oh God, I was so tired. My mind was ready to embrace any possibility that meant a happy ending for me. Why do girls do that? But why else would a vampire be involved in a foreign exchange program that I was awarded? Me, of all people! I looked over at Gianna, smiling at her faintly, which she returned brightly.

But what other explanation could there be? They hadn't hurt me or been unkind to me. Was it wrong to want to convince myself that Edward had arranged this? Somehow. . .

Before exiting the car, Gianna turned to me, speaking in her Italian accent, her voice grated on me like nails on a chalkboard. It wasn't the accent, it was the nasally quality to her voice before the accent. "Before entry, I must insist you give to me any electronic device such as phone or camera."

"What? My phone? _N-_ No!"

"Yes, you see, you must. It will do you no good in there as we have, how you say, connection to land that can be used."

In a husky and stern voice, the driver looked back in the mirror warning, "Do as she says."

I fished around in my pocket and pulled out the 'extra' phone my dad made me carry, handing that over. I'd have to find a minute to put my other phone on silent mode in hopes it would go undetected.

"Fine. _Here_," I said dramatically. "It's a new phone, so I don't even have anything set up on it," I threw in, just in case they were looking for something and hoped I'd get away with retaining my real phone.

"Do you have any cameras?" Gianna asked.

"Yes, in my luggage. And...and a CD player." _Not my Edward CD, _I groaned internally.

Gianna glanced over to the driver. "Tis satisfactory?"

"I'll take care of that."

Despite stop-and-go traffic due to the mass of robed wanderers within the city, the car edged along and finally made its way around a large fountain and down a wide alley before it pulled up in front of a massive sand-colored structure, with an impressive turret. It was built into the stone, making it look just like a castle belonged within the city. The architecture screamed ancient and yet not decrepit, reminding me of a mix of churches and some of the pueblo villages erected in Arizona.

"Get out now," the driver deadpanned as he held my door open. He had absolutely no personality or manners. The woman nodded to get out. She made her way over toward me and led the way down a cobbled path to the door, while the driver remained behind. Another form appeared in a robe, got in the car and drove it down a small corridor and around the side, presumably to some underground parking.

We walked down a small path and through a wide gate made up of old-fashioned black scrolls and through a large heavy door. Gianna immediately removed her robe and hung it on a free-standing coat rack, gesturing to me to sit down on a long wooden bench that reminded me of a church pew. She scurried to her desk and quickly picked up a phone answering in Italian. I turned slightly and pulled my other phone out under my robe just enough to change the settings to silent and see that not only hadn't I received any calls, I had no service bars in this rank building.

To my left, the driver reappeared, having come from a dark hallway, which he ducked his head under. I quickly dropped my phone back into my pocket and watched him, thinking how the outer shape of the hall reminded me of an entrance to catacombs, underground tunnels, I had seen on television shows.

"The robe," he ordered, holding out his hand, and I removed it quickly. He snatched it up, placing it over his arm. "This way," he scowled and led me down the catacomb tunnel, joined by Gianna. We went deeper and deeper into the depths of this building until we came upon a large set of double doors. As he opened them, a lit but vacant room with a large dome overhead greeted me, not in a welcoming way, just in a complete change of scenery way after being in that dark hall. It was like your eyes first opening up in the morning and taking in your surroundings.

"Ahhh, so this is Isa_bella_ Swan. Come in...we've been expecting your arrival."

I heard his voice before I saw him.

Then he was there, right in front of me.

This creature that he was, was hideous. Paler than any of the Cullens, with dark hair and the most terrifying red eyes. More so than James. Edward always said I was a terrible actress, and I knew that my face was in no way masking my repulsion at the site of him. All thoughts of Edward engineering this trip were gone as fear set in deep within my bones.

He reached out and took my hands, tugging on my arms, dragging me to walk further into the room, before suddenly dropping both of them. _Disgusting. _His hands were flaky and brittle, almost like his skin could dissolve, fall right off into a million pieces.

"Hmmm, interesting. It appears you've been overrated, Ms. Swan."

_What did he mean by that?_

"Now then." His demeanor seemed to change. "I trust you had a pleasant trip, yes? Comfortable? Is there a refreshment we can offer you?"

"Water," I barely hissed out, my throat dry and my voice weak.

"Ahh, yes. Gianna, do be a dear and get our guest some water."

I hadn't even realized Gianna was still with us in the room. There was only one heart beat I could hear bouncing off the walls and that was my own, loudly, probably doubled or tripled in volume by the acoustics the room provided. I looked beyond this _man_ and saw the look of another, sitting on his throne - he looked to lack empathy or interest in me. It was almost as if he were...depressed? As I tried to study him - his red eyes, long hair, the same white mottled skin - I felt the icy glare of another one on me. The one with blond hair, who looked at me as if full of disdain, almost as if I was interrupting his life.

"Any problems coming in, Felix?" the first asked.

Still awaiting Felix's answer, he reached out with a curious expression and touched my necklace. A smile spread across his face. "My, my! Now this is most unusual. Is it an heirloom?" he asked me like he already knew the answer to my question but desperately awaited my response anyway.

My escort reported, "No, Aro. Everything went according to plan."

"How splendid," he answered in his creepy way, his eyes flashing away.

_So his name is Arrow? _His eyes returned to mine, awaiting my answer. "No," I said quietly. "It was just a gift to me. . . from a friend."

"Oh! A friend, how nice!" He turned to look back at the two men sitting on thrones, clasping his fingers over the emblem in some stay of satisfaction. "She has..._friends." _He let it go just as Gianna returned with a bottle of water. I stepped back away from him, accepted the sealed bottle and opened it, hastily gulping the water down. _At least I didn't have to worry about them spiking my drink. _At some point, they'd have to let me use the bathroom and then I could try to escape. Somehow. . .

"Oh my, I do admire your ability to quench your thirst, Ms. Swan." His throat visually swallowed as he watched me. "Felix!" He raised his hand in the air. "Do bring her a chair."

I had barely noticed that Felix had left and returned with an intricate wood-carved chair with a deep red velvet lining.

"Now then. I take it you know _what_ I am, as you have had some experience with my kind. Is that correct? And you've yet to scream at the red eyes."

"Yes," I spoke gravely, not wishing to elaborate.

He took my chin in his hand, and I flinched back. "Good, _Izza-_bella," he seethed. "I suspected you were a smart girl."

I raised up on my tiptoes just in reaction to his hand on my face and in an effort to back away. Grinning dubiously, he released me and walked a few steps away. I took the opportunity to sit on the chair.

"And now you know that I am your host of this little foreign exchange trip you signed up for. I must say, Ms. Swan, we were most delighted to receive your acceptance to our invitation. Had you declined, I'd hate to think of the measures we would have had to take to get you here." He sucked air in through his teeth, making a hissing sound.

"This was all set up by you? But..._why?_ How?" What could they want from me? How do they even know about me?

"In good time, my dear. You'll find out in good time."

The blond vampire spoke, obviously very annoyed. "I'd say now is the perfect time. Let's be done with this game."

Aro put a single finger up to his mouth and turned to look at the blond. "Brother, we have plans of the utmost importance that this little girl needs to be a part of."

"We don't need her," the blond one challenged.

"Silence, Caius. I say, we do need her." Aro lifted his hand up. His face was rigid as he looked toward the blond who sat behind him but softened back as he looked at me.

_Need me? How could they need me in any way? _"Why? Why do you need me?" He turned his head sharply back to look at me, his eyes flashed a red glow, almost a physical reaction to his temper flaring before calming."

"Forgive me, where are my manners? After all, you are our guest today. My name is Aro. Grammatically, that's A-R-O, not to be mistaken with a bow and arrow. Certainly not to be confused with E-R-O-S, as in the God of love. Do you know your Greek mythology, Ms. Swan?"

He looked at me expectantly for an answer, to which I gave him a slight nod.

"And this is Marcus and Caius. And we have a situation on our hands that hasn't happened in about six hundred years that must be dealt with, swiftly. Prior to two months ago, we were unsure of the best way to go about dealing with the situation." He displayed his hands out as he spoke. "Then an unexpected solution just sort of _presented itself _to us." He laughed wickedly, letting me know he was happily swimming in a sick satisfaction of information he seemed to have already acquired. "You are just a bonus in that scenario."

"I know what you are. I know what you'll do to me. Please just let me have my phone back so I can call my Dad and say goodbye."

Aro swung his finger back and forth like a parent telling their child they'd been naughty, as he pursed his lips and made a repeated clicking sound. "Oh, no. We can't have you do that. He doesn't expect you back for another two weeks, so you'll have plenty of time to write him a letter. Of course, we'll have to approve all outgoing correspondence, Ms. Swan."

I looked at their dark red eyes. There was movement to them, like wine being swirled around in a glass, almost burgundy in color, fixated on me. Caius continued to look at me as if my presence bothered him. The one with longer hair, now looked at me expectantly, as if I was providing him some form of entertainment. Aro gawked at me with a slight smile, like he was waiting for my compliance. I looked to Felix. _God, he was massive. _There was going to be no escaping this dungeon they brought me to. It had been cold, dank, and dark, with little light, like being in a basement. Terror had instantly gripped me when I walked in; it was multiplied by three as I took in their figures. They were a trio of terror, and my life was in grave danger.

My only hope was that I had made the right choice while in the bathroom airport. _Find me Edward, find me_.

"I must say," Aro started, "the timing of all this couldn't be better. Wouldn't you agree, Felix?"

"Yes, Demetri is due to arrive back tonight, sir."

"Tonight, already? Well, now that's not very long at all. I'm sure he'll have plenty to report to us. Take her into my private study and have Chelsea meet us in there."

Felix grabbed my arm, as I protested with a cry. "Owww."

"Easy, Felix." Again, Aro's words were accompanied by a small disapproving waving back and forth of his index finger. "Ms. Swan, you'll have to forgive Felix. He's not used to needing to take extra care when shuffling humans."

"This way," Felix growled, and I followed him toward a door into a room that was set up a lot like a study. Massive dark, tall shelves lined with old books and large red velvet curtains that hung in between them. "Sit!" Felix commanded, and I took a seat in the same type of chair.

I sat admiring just how far up the bookshelves went. Suddenly Aro had made his way to the very top shelf, hovering in the air. "Something from up here, caught your eye, _Bellar_?" He laughed as if he was trying to startle me.

I shook my head, indicating a _no_. He had scared me, just as he intended. It felt like he was testing me, trying to see how comfortable I was or wasn't around vampires.

"You called, Master?"

I gasped at the sight. They had all used flash speed. Felix had exited the room, and Aro was back down, sitting behind the large dark mahogany desk, while a woman stood just inside the door. She was short with light brown hair that only came chin length with one grey streak on the right side. She stood in a long, pure black robe, with a decorative gold ribbon down each side.

"Yes, Chelsea. Meet Ms. Swan. Our guest. Our _human_ guest." The red in Aro's eyes swirled around again.

"Oh, so this is she?"

I remained curled up in the chair, my arms wrapped around myself protectively.

"And she is _la tua cantante_?" the woman asked of him pointedly.

_I'm la tua can-**what**-tay? I really should have brushed up on my Italian._

"Apparently so," Aro returned. "Now remember what we discussed about the ties that bind."

Chelsea ordered me to stand up as she approached, which I did, but then backed away. "What are you going to do to me?"

"Care-_fully _now, Chelsea. We don't want to lose our precious commodity here."

"Nothing, child. Merely evaluate you." The woman studied me up and down. She looked into my eyes and placed her hand over my heart. She spied my necklace and rubbed her thumb slowly over the symbolic crest.

With surprised eyes she looked at me. "_Impossible!" _she exclaimed, before turning back to look at Aro. "Master, what is the meaning of this? Do you wish to test my abilities? With a human?"

"No, my fair Chelsea. There was a breakup, a parting of ways. Humans move on much more easily. Is it not the case?"

The two broke out in a discussion in another language - one that sounded old and Gaelic, possibly. I understood none of it, which was probably the point.

"It is so! It's very much the same as what you asked of me last time! You know my limits! I cannot break romantic ties, but _this_ one! I've never seen a human's capacity for such a bond to be so strong. _Never! _Even if I could, there is something that blocks me, much like Afton's gift." She waved her hand up and down in front of me.

Aro sighed. "Ah, like Afton? She confounds us all. My, my, I had no idea. And if the bonds cannot be broken, is she still of use to us?"

"My master, when you cannot break those bonds to assign new ones, you merely use those to your advantage."

Aro sat back in his chair, as if in contemplation, before smirking. "Yes. I see what you mean. Well Ms. Swan, it seems you may be even more valuable to us than we expected." He smiled sinfully at Bella.

"What is she talking about?" I asked with wide inquisitive eyes, not knowing what was going on. I knew deep down, it had to do with my affiliation with the Cullens, but there was no way in hell I was going to mention them first. It was a secret I needed to protect.

Aro laughed. "She speaks of matters you don't need to be concerned with...yet. Oh Ms. Swan, what are we going to do with you now?"

"Let me go," I begged. "Spare my life before the temptation becomes too much to resist."

Aro laughed at me. "Ah, my old friend Carlisle likes to believe that he is the only one who can control the thirst. And yet many of us exist among the humans. How else could we do that if we couldn't control it. We're just… oh how shall I say…more easily distracted by a particularly sweet scent of blood. The sound of a throbbing vein seduces us. The two combined? Well they create a delicious ache and the only way to soothe it is to seize our prey."

He looked distant, like he was thinking of his favorite conquests or worse, imagining me as his future acquisition. "But we don't always act upon it or else how could we even go out in the open? Sure we may lure our prey into a situation but only when the thirst needs to be quenched. How else could you have stood here in my presence for so long now?" He abandoned his chair and closed the space between us, holding his fingers below my chin and hissing out my name, "Isabella."

I flinched back, allowing my eyes to drop down. That skin of his was like several tiny pieces of waxed paper stacked together. My name slithered off his tongue, making a face pass through my mind, James, whose demeanor was dripping with revenge and fury. But, Aro was different. He and the other two had tried to intimidate me.

"Might I make a suggestion?" Chelsea asked.

"Say it," Aro commanded.

"I do believe the wives have been bored long enough and could stand the visit, until tonight's feast to celebrate Demetri's return, that is."

"Hmm, are they overly thirsty?"

"No, my Lord. They plan to join the feast merely as celebration today."

"Fine then. Oh, _Felix_?"

Felix appeared at the door in the blink of an eye. "Felix, please take our guest to Corin, and ask her if she can be of use in pacifying my dear Sulpicia and Athenodora today."

Felix motioned for me. As I followed him, I asked about my things. "You're things have been picked through, and have been deposited in your room."

"My room?"

Felix didn't respond.

"When can I get to my things?"

"When Aro says so." Felix was serious and curt. He didn't come across as less than a loyal follower.

He took me back out to the large room where I first encountered the trio of terror and through the large doors from which we had entered. I saw the dinghy hallway that led to the lobby, had we made a left. We made a right to another set of elevators, and my stomach growled slightly. The doors opened up, and a woman stood with a smile on her face.

"This is Corin. You'll go with her down to the living quarters," Felix instructed me.

"To where? When can I eat?"

Felix shot me a cold look of disgust, just as a wave of emotion gently made its way through me, and my hunger quelled. A strange sense of contentment filled me with leaving the trio of terror and being handed over to Corin. In the elevator, the woman introduced herself and told me I had a beautiful scent, that the wives would be charmed and so pleased to meet me.

I was taken into a large room that was like an antique lair. Antique furnishings and a very Victorian tone made up of tea-stained lace and shades of mauve. There were strands of pearls on statues and intricate decorative fans adorning the walls. There were several pink chaises in parts of the room.

"My dears, I've brought you a present, on behalf of Aro!"

"What a wonderful gift from my sweet, Aro! A dessert before the feast!"

I froze, hidden slightly behind Corin. The women looked me up and down and seemed... disappointed? I realized that, unlike when I went to first meet the Cullens, some self-preservation was present, and I was indeed more worried about being in a house full of vampires than I was about what I was wearing.

"She's not to be consumed. She was brought here under a pretense of a student exchange. So do be sure to culture her!"

"Oh, of course! Yes, now I understand. I'm Sulpicia and this is Athenodora! How wonderful it is to meet you!" They stood in robes and formal hair updos.

"She is a young woman with her life ahead of her. We would never steal that from her! Be gone from from us now, Corin. You've delivered the gift." Athenodora dismissed her.

"Tell us your name, child," Sulpicia said.

"Bella."

"Oh, how pretty! Now come in, come in. We aren't going to hurt you. We have other interests out of you, though."

My feet didn't move. _What other interests? _Both women giggled to each other. They were dressed in lavish gowns that looked as if they had stepped out of the movie _The Age of Innocence._ They took in my appearance then announced they needed to change their clothing.

"Let us change. Wait right here, please Bella."

With that the women elegantly pranced off to the back part of the room and disappeared behind a curtain. I took the time to check my phone. Still no coverage. When they returned, they were both in jeans and casual tops, almost as if they had changed to mirror me.

"Does this put you more at ease with us?" Athenodora asked. I nodded. "We wish for it to do so. Now. Sit and tell us everything and anything about your life out there." She made a grand sweeping gesture with her hand.

"Huh? Do you want to know about my life or just in general?"

"My dear, we are both women of modern culture, trapped in an old world of constants. Is this the style of today?"

"Sure, I guess."

"What do you call this you wear over your shirt?" Athenodora tugged at my sleeve.

"It's an anorak."

"Oh! Where are your bags? May we look through your things?" Sulpicia asked.

"They've been confiscated."

"Nonsense! We will retrieve them for you," Athenodora offered.

The women continued on to ask me about celebrities, fashion trends in my high school, current music, and new hair products. These women were as fascinated with American culture as my little airplane mate, Laney, seemed to be. They insisted they were going to be doing my hair and giving me a manicure. They pulled out various copies of _People Magazine _and _Entertainment Weekly, _showing me pictures of various celebrities and commenting on fashion.

"Do you think us strange?" Athenodora asked. "You've barely spoken to us."

"I'm a little overwhelmed at the thought of the change in direction of what I came here to do."

"Do you mean as a student?"

"Yes. And more."

"Oh yes, I'm sorry, I didn't realize it earlier. Your heart is heavy, child. Do you feel it Sulpicia?"

"Yes, like the scales have been tipped and your side is strong enough to have the larger load to bear."

"My heart?" I reached for my chest.

"Heartbreak?" Athenodora asked. "Ah, yes. May we?" She held up Bella's hands while Sulpicia held up two bottles of nail polish, one purple and one pink. I nodded yes, choosing the pink. Getting made up felt less intrusive than feeling vulnerable that they would finish me off. Why would they go through all this trouble if they intended to drain me? Maybe the blood of a girl who has been heartbroken was less appealing.

"Will you tell us about him? The boy who has caused the heaviness of your heart."

Other than the chat with Rosalie, I hadn't shared my story about Edward with anyone, and I wanted to, as an ordinary girl who was proud of having a story about meeting and falling in love with a boy who, at least for a while, liked her back. And so I did. Not the part that Edward was a vampire. I didn't even use his name.

"I was new at school, and this guy saved my life. He literally pushed me out of the way of a moving van. Then we sort of started running into each other, and I don't know, I guess dating. I haven't been able to get over him since he told me he was breaking up with me. Then he left." The wives speculated how handsome he was and how important he had been in my life.

"And...he was your first love, yes?" They somehow completely understood how devastated I was in saying that he left me.

The blonde woman insisted I remove my shoes and returned with a basin of water. She knelt before me, added in a sweet-smelling oil to the water from a pink glass bottle, and held up a beige natural sea sponge to me.

"Do you see this, Isabella? This sponge is a lot like _your_ heart." She dipped it down in the water and then held it up again before wringing it out. "It's still the same basic shape. It's capacity to hold water is like your heart's capacity to hold love, not just the love you have for another, but also _his_ love for you. You now have the responsibility of two. The heartbreak and agony of two. Do you understand? This is not something most people possess, because it takes someone of strong mind and body to handle that much. One's own heartbreak can be unbearable, but to carry that of another? That much pain and torment would break most people. Those who can survive it are rare. It only happens in cases of those who have found and lost true love."

She looked at me for something more, but I wasn't sure what to give.

"You know when young people break up, they cry or they get angry. Emotions expressed physically are driven by one's heart. What did you do, child?"

I was afraid to tell them. At this point, it seemed embarrassing to admit, especially to these strangers and yet, maybe they had the answers that my mom didn't. "I had...shaking fits, convulsions, nightmares. I woke up screaming a lot..."

"Pain. All pain. You'd call it, I believe, extreme?"

"Yes, but my Dad just called it not normal."

"And did you think this was all of your pain?"

"Yes, I'm just one person. I mean, how else..."

"No, my child. What he felt, you felt. His loss was your loss," Athenodora clarified. "When your blood sings to another, it's not just the blood—it's the thrumming of the heart. And in turn, it holds you captive, doesn't it? The sweet scent of your blood sings to him, but it is your heart that accompanies it, like an instrument being played. Though in your case, I'd venture it feels more like several instruments all at once."

Delighted by the conversation, Sulpicia added in, "Ah! This is the true meaning of _la tua cantante. _Your blood may sing, but only with the accompaniment of it's strongest instrument...your heart. And your heart holds that which he has given you. _La tua cantante _is made stronger by such in which he recognizes in your blood...himself."

_That was a lot of information to take in all at once. I had already discussed with Rosalie, the possibility of Edward being in pain. According to these ladies, he was in pain but I was somehow shouldering the brunt of it? Is that why so easily he could walk away, because his heart was unburdened, meanwhile mine was doubly burdened?_

"Enough of this for now. How do you like your nails? Shall we do your hair next?"

"Sure. There's not much that can be done with it."

"Nonsense, Bella! Do you understand that we enjoy this? We seldom get the chance to do such."

"Well, you'd like my friend, Alice. She treats me like guinea pig Barbie every chance she gets to, too." Bella acted as if she was speaking to herself as the girls sat her at a fancy dark wood vanity table with a tilted oval mirror and a tray that held silver-plated accessories.

"Ahh, this Alice that you speak of. She is one of us, yes?"

"Yes," Bella answered meekly, fearing she had said too much.

"We've heard the name," Sulpicia said reassuringly with a smile.

The women were interested in hearing more about my life - the life of a modern world teenager. It became clear that the words and perspective I had to offer were a true gift to them-a rare window to the outside world-as they don't get to travel much or leave the confines of their walls often. They admitted how curious they were about all things in the Western Civilization and as to how the world outside had changed. Not unlike Jessica and Angela, their interests were vast from entertainment to the latest makeup, hairstyles, and fashion trends.

But all I could think about was what they said about Edward, and what they said about my heart. Were they right? They seemed to think so.

"You look so tired, child. Rest now."

With my hair and nails done, I fell asleep on a soft pink velvety chaise.

What seemed like hours later, a massive knock came at the door waking me. It was Felix with my bags and checking up on us. The wives went through my things in front of me, not entirely impressed with my nighttime clothing, while I scarfed down a couple of granola bars I had packed. When I asked if I could use the bathroom, the women laughed at first.

"Oh, you'll have to use the one on the first floor by Gianna's desk. We shall take you there."

The women escorted me down the elevator and as I looked them up and down, I suddenly thought to see if they would reciprocate information. "Do you know where the _Vulcherry_ live in Italy?"

The wives laughed at me again. They owed me nothing. I should have assumed they wouldn't help me.

"My dear, _it's _Volturi. And _we _are the Volturi."

Fear overpowered me as the elevator doors opened. _These creatures are where Edward were coming to? To die? _But he wasn't here now or he would have found her.

As the elevator doors opened, I could see a very pretty one-of-them speaking with Gianna in the lobby. Gianna had a clipboard in her hands, and the pretty one was perhaps marking off a list on it.

"Heidi" was said in as a unison greeting by Sulpicia and Athenodora before she waved and then exited out the double doors we had entered from. "So Demetri has returned?"

"Yes, he's due to arrive shortly. I cannot wait to see him. Oh, what do we have here? A little fishy lost from the fishing expedition," Heidi said as she glared at me.

The appearance of Aro out of nowhere chilled me to the bone. He scrunched his nose at Heidi and made it clear that her line of thinking should be aborted. He looked upon Sulpica, and took her hand, placing a kiss to it, then looking at me. "Enjoying picking our guest's brain, my dear?"

Sulpicia answered, "Of course. If it were as easy for us as it was for you."

"If it was..." he replied in a mocking tone that was drowned out by the familiar sounds of Edward's piano music suddenly filling my ears.

"Ahhh, dinner music. Shall we?" he held up Sulpicia's hand as if to dance.

I watched as the group filtered into the large empty room with the dome ceiling, and Felix first ordered Gianna to take me to the lobby before slowly closing the over-sized double doors, the glint in his eyes turning dark and frightening.

"This way, please," Gianna told her.

As I followed her back down the narrow hallway I had originally traveled, I picked up on many scents. Lingering smells of perfumes and body odor, filled the cold and dimly lit path. She led me to the bathroom, a one-occupant small bathroom, and when I returned to the open area of the lobby, before having a chance to say anything she was there.

"And sit." Gianna held out her hand. "This won't take so long. There are original artworks on the walls for your admiration."

I took a seat on the bench with a shiver, my hands reaching out to rub along my arms in an effort to warm myself. "How are you not cold?" I asked her as she sat down behind a large desk filled with folders and a phone. She was wearing a sleeveless slinky dress for God's sake.

She shrugged with a slight motion of her petite shoulders before pulling out a handheld mirror and re-applying her lipstick. "There's a robe there." She nodded toward a standing coat rack._  
_

I jumped when I heard the outer door open, the same one I had entered through when I first got there. Now, only a small amount of street lamp light filtered in.

"Can I help you?" Gianna asked two figures in black robes as they entered slowly, flipping their hoods back to reveal two college-aged guys. They must have traveled too because they spoke with English accents.

"Yes, we're seeking donations for the church in celebration of All Hallow's Eve," the taller one with short blond hair said. The second guy looked over at me with too much of a smile. I wanted to somehow use that smile to get out of this place, signal him that I was being held captive and to take me with them but also get them out of here before any of _them _returned.

Gianna laughed, her mocking tone more irritating than her speaking voice. "We don't give..."

I stood up and cut her off. "In person. This establishment mails in their donation directly and has already done so."

"Well then, on behalf of the church, we'd like to thank you ladies! Have a good evening." The second guy tapped my chin up with a loose fist and flashed a bit of a crooked smile, before both said they were sorry to bother us and would be on their way. I watched how easily, and with such arrogance, they sauntered out of that thick, heavy door, silently begging them to take me with them. A startling chill overtook me, as a flash passed through my mind, and ran through my entire body. The college guys in Port Orleans. I had stood there defenseless until Edward showed.

Then, there was James in the ballet studio. I tried to run, but I was defenseless, until Edward showed.

Edward, who had once been following me to protect me, now had left me.

Wait. The front door. That door had to be unlocked.

As I sized up Gianna, I realized I wasn't completely defenseless against her, but I'd have to work quickly.

"I think I will put on that robe, if it's okay."

"But of course," Gianna barely looked up and over toward the coat rack.

"Is it always this cold? How do you take the chill of this place?"

"I'm committed to them, this lifestyle."

"But why?" I asked as I put the robe on me, lightly but securely tying it to me.

Gianna scowled at her. "You may have played 'BFFs' with the wives, but you shall not with me. There is a code...how you say...a mission I follow. I must complete. It will bring honor to my family."

Just then, screaming rung out. A cacophony of screaming that vibrated off the walls and through the dark halls.

"Ahh, the feast has begun," Gianna smiled coyly.

Fear and courage met inside me, intertwining and thrumming through me. I knew it was now or never. Now was my chance to escape.

"Speaking of feast, I'm famished. Do you mind if I have a piece of gum? I have some."

Gianna shook her head as she spied me looking at the phone, assuming it was the land line she had spoken of in the car. I took a breath and thought of my little friend on the airplane and how her constant line of questioning could be effective in overwhelming another person.

"It's mint flavored, would you like a piece, too? This atmosphere in here is so stale. It isn't exactly conducive to fresh breath. Do you know what time it is? I've lost track in this place. It's so dark." I reached down into the front zippered pocket of my anorak, using the robe to cloak what I was doing.

Gianna held her hand out as her head turned away from me and toward a clock on her desk. "After eight o'clock. It will be at least another twenty minutes before they are finished and ..._Ahhhh_!" she screamed as the stream of pepper spray I was squirting from the canister my father had made me carry hit her face and burned her eyes. "What did you do to me?"

"I'm sorry," I whispered with wide eyes as I saw the red blotches covering her face as she screamed, crying out in reaction to what was happening to her. I glanced back over my shoulder once to make sure the door to their hallway remained closed and moved to the outside door, using every kernel of my strength to pry it open before pulling my hood up and covering my face as best I could. Once outside, I walked in quick fearful steps, not sure if there were guards surrounding the place.

_They'll be coming. They'll be coming. _I kept repeating over and over as I slipped through the open gate and hurried out into the street desperately looking for a group of others in dark robes to blend in with. I could see them down the street, up ahead. I looked back once to see if anyone was coming after me. At first, there wasn't. On my second glance, there were two robed figures who had emerged from around the back of the castle-like building I had just exited. I pushed myself to run faster.

_I just need to get to the group and blend in with the others. I'll hide among them and find my way back to the airport by morning. _

I felt like I was being chased. With a quickened pulse and pace, I ran and ran. _No! No! _I told myself. I wasn't going to go back. _Keep going! _I wasn't going to be captured and go back willingly.

I hit the square, and weaved my way through the sea of people, some of them stopping to look into my eyes when I accidentally bumped into them. No red eyes. No glowing eyes. Just human eyes. I maneuvered quickly, looking back over my shoulder briefly here and there, no longer sure if I had been or still was being followed by any of Aro's goons. There were so many people, that I couldn't see clearly which way I was heading.

"Excuse me. Excuse me," I urgently repeated, again and again, as I angled my body from side to side, trying to make my way through without being burned by the lit flames of candles that were being held as they sang in unison around me. The crowd was so difficult to get through, and I wanted to make my way toward a section of the square where cars could get through in hope of calling a cab to take me to the airport.

The fountain!

I remembered seeing it while coming in. I knew I could run through it as a short cut. Just when I could see it up ahead of me, I felt pressure on my arm. "Ahh," I screamed and shook it off as I took off running, carelessly pushing and elbowing into the backs of various unsuspecting people, and in my attempt to get away I hopped into the shallow water of the fountain and ran, my feet kicking up and splashing water to the sides of me, until just as I was trying to take the last large step out, I tripped, my knee connecting hard with the outer raised cement rim of the fountain.

As I cowered from the blow, and surrendered to the ripple of pain that shot through my body, my pathetic reality set in. I was done. This was just what they needed to apprehend me. The uncoordinated don't ever win the survival of the fittest race. Though the light was gone from the day, there was just enough candlelight to illuminate the dark figure now towering over me. The figure wasn't looking down at me, probably laughing knowing I was prey so easily caught in a trap. I could only see the back of a hood as the figure's head was looking over the crowd toward the clock tower, probably signalling Volturi Control that I had been found. As the crippling rush of pain that originated at my knee subsided, I stood, intending to run again, but it was too late. A large hand had wrapped around my upper arm upwards, coiled around like a snake. My defective body went limp, like jello, as the fearsome feeling of being seized overtook me.

The robed figure whooshed me at out of the fountain and under the clock tower, depositing me in a small dark room where I could still hear the singing going on outside. And with that quick action, I knew. I knew what he was. He left me standing in the far corner and then locked the door but didn't return to my side. Instead, he moved over to a small stained glass window across the room and opened it slightly, facing out of it with his back to me, probably contemplating whether to return me to Aro or kill me himself.

I glanced around this small room, squinting until my eyes adjusted to the lack of light. A small lit torch hung on the wall. The room looked to be carved out of the earth. It had a clay floor, an old thick wooden door, and just the one tiny stained glass window. It looked like a room that belonged in a fairy tale cottage, but the room was far from quaint. The air was cold, damp, and stale, much like where I had just come from. The bottom of my jeans were soaked, and when my wet sneakers squeaked against wall behind me, I realized I was desperately trying to back as far into the wall as possible.

I stood there with my head down wondering what decision he would come to - if he would drain me in this room or take me back to them. I was stupid to think I could escape vampires when I had no clue where to even escape to in this city.

With his back still toward me, I decided I was going to practice my new-found confidence. I remembered how Edward had put it to me, saying he would go to Italy "to provoke" the Volturi. If he could do it, then so could I. I took a deep breath and was amazed with how cool and confident my voice sounded.

"I know what you are! Do you want me to say it?" I shot out.

No response.

"Hey, what are you waiting for? Just…just kill me and get it over with," I goaded him. "You'll be a real big shot to your leaders bringing my lifeless body back to them."

_How was I not getting a reaction out of him?_

"Be sure to tell them how good my blood tasted…how smooth my blood went down as you feasted on my inner lifeline. Tell them I was your singer too and you just couldn't resist."

I baited him further with a smoother voice, slowing down my words to taunt him.

"Tell them, … tell them how you drained me dry. Not even spilling a drop. Tell them how my blood was the sweetest nectar you've ever tasted in your long… _miserable_… existence."

If only I had half this courage before Edward walked away from me in the forest. The monster didn't seem to be biting, and it filled me with anger. I wanted a response for my efforts, damn it!

"And be sure to thank Gianna for her hospitality, if she even lives through another day because I can't imagine they will put up with her nails-on-a-chalkboard voice for an eternity!" I seethed.

I just wasn't holding back, but I realized I had to show some self-preservation. That is, after all, what Edward would want from me, even if it was only for Charlie's sake. Maybe I should plead, lie, beg –somehow convince him- that the Volturi wanted me alive.

I snuck a peek over at the door trying to calculate the distance. If I made it back out among the crowd maybe I could try to expose him, yell to others for help. Claudia had said the people stay outside all night. _Okay, on the count of three I'm going to make a run for the door._ My heart pounded in my chest, as I glanced back and forth between the window and the door. _Run on three. Run on three._ I would have to try.

_One._

_Two._

Before I could take off, he was there in an instant, blocking me, almost like he knew what I was about to do, like he had read my mind. I shivered and curved inward, as far away from the cloaked figure as I could. In a quick swipe, my hood was yanked down from over my wavy hairdo, but not wanting to see the ugly face of the vampire who would kill me, I turned my head to the side, forcing myself to face down toward the floor. With my neck exposed, I pressed my eyelids together tightly and braced myself for death's sensation.

"Make it quick so you don't have to share me with your friends! Be sure to drink it all. Just finish me off," I spat again, as my fingertips tried to dig their way into the clay wall behind me. I was going to die without ever having had the chance to tell Edward what I needed to say. I bit my lip and sucked in a breath, closing my eyes.

Prepared to perish, I whispered one final goodbye to my life, "_I love you, Edward," _just as he growled harshly, "Enough!"

* * *

~##~

**I always felt like we didn't get enough explanation ****as to why Bella had terrible nightmares/convulsions/****screaming in New Moon after Edward left. Charlie witnessed it and knew it wasn't normal.**

**I wanted to explore the reasons, even if it was a paranormal ****one. ****Bella had asked her Mom, "Why does it hurt this much?" And her Mom answered that first love heartache always hurt. According to the wives, it hurt so much because Bella was carrying the pain of both ****herself and Edward. ****Does that make sense?**

**Any ideas as to what the situation is that Aro is referring to that hasn't occurred in six hundred years? **


	15. Confrontational Intentions, part I

**This chapter is based on 1 of 2 conversations I heard in my head (that doesn't sound weird at all! LOL) that would not leave me alone and beckoned me to write this story back in 2009 (which is when I originally wrote this and the next 3 chapters). I know Twilight fanfic has since exploded. So with all the fanfic that's come down the pike since then, I hope this part won't seem too tired or too_ been there, done that_. I hope I still have something different to share with this part of the story. **

**Thanks to Lori!**

***Disclaimer: All thanks to Stephenie Meyer for creating the world of Twilight and her characters.

* * *

Confrontational Intentions, Part I

**Bella's POV**

_Do it,_ I thought. _Put me out of misery so I don't have to go back to face those…those frightening beings._

In the midst of giving in, I could almost hear Edward telling me not to give up. _ Fight. Fight harder. _

I shrunk back as I felt a cool, stone grip around my chin forcing it straight. "_Ahh_…" I shrilled in reaction to the cold hand and tensed my face. My eyes stung and filled with fearful tears.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded gruffly.

"No! _No!_ Let go of me!" I screeched in a sudden effort to rebel, squirming against the wall.

"_Shhh," _he said as I felt his hand cover my mouth. As I continued to fight against the marble-smooth inverted thumb at my chin until I stopped yelling.

He lowered his arm, and moved his hand to take my chin into his grip with more force, turning it toward him. "Look at me! Are you trying to get yourself killed? Do you hear yourself?" His voice and words scolded me harshly but in a hushed tone that was softened by a cool, sweet familiar breath wafting to my nose and lingering on my face. I opened my eyes to see if my ears were deceiving me.

"Bella, tell me what you are doing here, in Italy? You can't be here!"

I was still trying to see him clearly through my watery eyes. I heard him sigh.

"Don't be afraid," he said more softly, releasing his grip on my chin, then moved his hand to reach up, pulling off his hood to reveal coppery strands of haphazard hair that offset familiar light eyes. "Bella, are you okay?"

He bent toward me slightly, tilted my chin up with his long, index finger and leaned his head in, looking deep in my eyes, like he was searching them for pain, and then moved his fingers to the side of my head to stroke my hair slightly.

"Ehh...Edward?"

"You fell. I'm asking if you are hurt? I need to know you aren't going into shock from the pain." I could see him breathing in…one long inhale as if he had been holding his breath. He pursed his lips and closed his eyes as his chest inflated in front of me.

Relief overwhelmed me in violent but glorious ripples, and I exhaled the breath I had been clinging to so desperately. "OH THANK GOD IT'S YOU!" I cried out. I threw my arms around his neck and clung to my Italian stone statue, breathing him in in gulps as much as I could.

And a statue, he was. Standing there, he didn't pull me into an embrace, nor did he push me away, but I didn't care how one-sided the embrace was. I was there with him—just him— and I hadn't been this elated since the summertime. I exhaled and whispered into his chest the words I had longed to say out loud to him for so long, "I_'ve missed you_."

He let out a soft groan and wrapped his arms around me. I felt him lowering us, his robe sliding down against the stone wall, but he cushioned himself between me and the hard floor, as he adjusted me to sit cradled in his lap.

All of the emotion of feeling panicked to get away and seeing Edward for the first time in months overtook me, and I let out a good cry into his chest—shedding tears of relief and feeling saved that disappeared into the thick velvet of the robe he wore. He held me firmly, but not overly closely, in his arms. I sniffled to compose myself and dared to look up at him, reaching up to let my wet fingertips move to trace the darkest parts of the circles under his eyes. He looked worn, sullen, but his eyes were still liquid topaz, as if his last hunt had been only a day or two ago. He closed his eyes at my touch and sighed slightly. My thumbs trailed down his face, moving slowly over every centimeter of his chiseled jawbone then back up, grazing his ear and circling over his temple before running my fingers through his tousled bronzed hair.

He let his head roll slightly into my fingers as my fingertips worked to lightly massage his scalp.

"Dreaming," he murmured to himself with his eyes still closed, "Always dreaming of her."

"You can't dream. You don't sleep, remember?"

"I can still dream," he admitted under his breath. His eyes opened wide, looking directly at me. "_Am_ I dreaming?" he asked with a confused eagerness. He grasped my hands looking at my painted nails then released them and twisted the curls in my hair around his fingers. I had forgotten had done up I was by the wives. I must have looked different to him.

Up close, and in the glow of the wall sconce, Edward was still every bit as stunning as he'd ever been to me. I wanted to tell him we needed to leave, to get away from there, that we both needed to get out of that room and away from the Volturi as quickly as possible.

But. . .I didn't know if that meant parting ways from him. If so, it would be too soon. I'd rather have had my chance with him before meeting my end then continue to live with another day of regret. The world could have been crumbling down around us outside for all I cared, but in here, it was just Edward and me, and I told myself that nothing outside those walls could be as important as this serendipitous moment. I had his attention, and he wouldn't be able to walk away from me this time until I was done talking. I had imagined when this moment came that I was going to need to brace myself and put on a brave front, but in his presence, a feeling of renewal, completeness, and contentment mixed with his scent and the comfort I found in his embrace washed over me. _I was taking my chance._

I heard my words flowing out tenderly, without hesitation, as I began whispering softly to him. "I remember, Edward. I remember what you told me in the cafeteria last year."

He winced in reaction; his eyes flashed darkly.

"That if leaving me is what you thought was best, you would do it because you loved me more than you claimed I loved you. The fact that you could leave me would prove how much you loved me."

His eyes shifted to that classic Edward look of torment and conflict but I continued, determined that he would finally hear me out.

"I remember what you told me in our meadow—that if you ever hurt me you couldn't live with yourself."

He looked back over at me searching my eyes again like he was trying to understand what I was trying to tell him. I continued, a little louder but still speaking calmly and sweetly in hopes I could convey my thoughts to him better this time.

"You ask if I'm hurt? Yes, I am. You hurt me when you said goodbye." His face contorted but his grip on me strengthened.

"I remember everything you told me from last March to that day you walked away, and I'll never forget, no matter how much you try to convince me that human memories fade easily. I'll never let myself forget—even if I have to write it in a journal and read it to myself every day."

He continued searching my eyes and examining my face, now stroking my hand with his thumb but occasionally reaching up to wipe away a few of my escaping tears. I didn't know if I was getting anywhere with him but I was growing more confident in my own ability to get through this confrontation, to stay here and to tell him these things in this moment of second chance.

I stifled a sob that was boiling in my throat and successfully kept my voice soft enough to continue.

"When I walked out on Charlie last spring you told me I had to hurt him—that it was the only way he'd let me go. It felt awful to do, but I did it. I remember that, too."

"Bella, . . " he started. I think he finally got it, but I put my index finger up to silence him; he complied.

"Please, _I_ need to tell you something else, first. I…I need to tell you what I should have told you that day in the forest." I took a deep breath to find my words as he continued to watch me with reserved anticipation. "I- I don't _want_ you to go. I need you in my life. The only thing I was ever meant for in this life was to be with you—more so than being the daughter of Charles and Renee Swan. You're _my life_ now, too. And you will always be. If you aren't here I'll just be waiting for you to come back or I'll try to find you."

Then I paused. "I found you," I whispered looking into his agonized eyes, "please don't tell me to go away."

As the emotion overwhelmed me from my own unrehearsed words I leaned in, with tears streaming down my face, and pressed my wet lips to his lightly, not knowing what response to expect, but after saying my peace, not needing one. All that I said was how I truly felt about him, and now I would at least have the satisfaction of knowing he had my side of this before he could walk away from me again.

Yet he did have a reaction, a very strong one.

He kissed me back reciprocally. Softly at first, then deeply, with more force. I wrapped my arms around his neck and shifted my body to straddle him. He pulled me closer to him and I could feel his stone chest—the hardness and the coolness—even through the thick velvet robes between us. I could feel the intensity of his kiss go through every part of my body, electric sparks that surged and exploded in my heart, emanating down from there. I let my hips rock slightly trying to get more and more of him—his kiss, his scent, his essence. Our tongues moved together in a furious harmony as I wildly took in as much of him as I could, and it felt like he was pulling me further and further into him. My moans meant, _"I missed you so much it hurt._" His moans were harder to decipher but seemed to match my emotion, if not surpass it.

Ultimately, I broke the kiss and gasped for air, clutching my hand to my heart because it felt tight once the electric sparks shorted. He let his head fall toward me and leaned his forehead into the base of my neck just below my chin. I moved my hands to steady them on his head, placing them just above his ears, and bent my face forward to kiss his hair, breathing in his intoxicating, sweet scent. After a moment, he rolled his ear over my heart, and I knew he was listening to the sound he had told me once was like a small drum corps playing just for him.

He hadn't spoken.

Finally, I wiggled away. He let me out of his stone grip, and I stood myself up, feeling satisfied that I had said what I needed to say to him months ago. Charlie was right. I needed to do this, and while I enjoyed his initial reaction to me—both of them—I just didn't know what to do next. I remembered Charlie's words. _Once you've said your peace, hold your head up high._

Edward shifted onto his knees and wrapped his arms around my waist with his face now buried in my stomach where the robe hung open, nuzzling his nose into my navel.

"Bella, this is agony." He skimmed his nose across my stomach then looked up at me. "Do you understand ...that if you had told me that in Forks…that..." he paused. "I don't know that I would have had the strength to leave you."

"Good." I whispered harshly, feeling even more exuberant, more composed. _Mission accomplished, just too late. _The sinking feeling that I was right all this time hit me. _Had I only had the courage to speak up in the forest, then he would have stayed._ Words and self-expression had failed me that day, and I had let him go.

I took a deep breath and reminded myself what Charlie had explained to me. _Inhale, exhale,_ I told myself, preparing for the next part that had been on my mind. The anger component to all of this. The part of me that wanted to somehow make him pay for hurting me, for leaving me.

"And one more thing…" I started, my tone empowered and determined, interrupting the soft, reverent kisses he was placing at my stomach over my shirt. He pulled away to look back up at my face, awaiting what I was about to say.

"You, Edward Cullen, are a liar!"

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_I appreciate any reviews. Thank you. :-) Who did you think it was that grabbed her? _

_Sweet special thanks to mah cheering squad gurls and to Rita01tx, Love your blog RobAttack!_


	16. Confrontational Intentions, Part II

**Again, I included several references to the books, not that I don't love Rob and my movies. Oh Rob, how do I perv on thee, let me count the ways, let me count the days. **

**Additional inspiration for this story came from _Midnight Sun._  
**

**Thanks to Lori! :-)**

***Disclaimer: Thanks to Stephenie Meyer for the wonderful world she created.

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Confrontational Intentions, Part II

**Bella's POV**

He flinched and flashed to a standing position in front of me. His head was pulled back as he stared at me in disbelief, but he carefully studied my face, giving me a look I had perfected at the prom when he expected me to dance with a broken leg. A look that asked: _Are you serious?_

He was trying to decipher the answer to that question for himself.

I scowled at him, and his uncertainty hung in the air between us like a veil created out of the thinnest layer of fog on a Forks' day. His stance was guarded; he stood motionless.

I knew only I could lift that veil, and I enjoyed knowing that a little too much. My anger abated all too easily, and I decided this might work out much better if both our moods remained light and playful, if I could get him to play along.

I grinned back at him hopelessly in my response to his inquisitive look—the kind of smile I imagined having plastered on my face if he took my hand and were leading me to my bedroom while Charlie was working the night shift.

He took each of my hands into his, bringing my left hand up and kissing it softly on the back of the palm, watching me carefully for my reaction, his sharp senses gauging my response. I continued a soft smile for him, even as he dropped both hands down and gently swung them back and forth between us.

"I_ am_ a liar," he admitted. "But if you'll . . " he paused slightly to choose his next word carefully with a twinkle in his narrowed eyes and a curving of his lips, "_remember_," he said, as he looked to me for affirmation of his word choice, to which I arched my eyebrow, encouraging him to continue, "I warned you about that when we were in our meadow, too."

"I do _remember_, even though we humans aren't really known for our memories staying intact according to ..._some_ people. I'm curious though, what else do _you_ remember?" I looked up into his eyes, hoping I was setting him up the right way.

He tenderly admired me without any trace of pain, only with the gentleness pooling in his amber eyes. When the fog lifts, my beautiful vampire can clearly be seen gloriously smiling.

"Well, I seem to recall that you're _always_ curious," he said as he pulled my right hand up to his mouth, gently kissing the knuckles of the fingers that were curved around his.

His face scrunched up as he thought for a moment. Then, as if it all clicked in his head, he gave me my favorite half smile and continued. "I remember telling you I wouldn't leave your side at the prom, but I did in order to give you a chance to dance with someone else."

I smiled knowing he was playing along now, but he would only get to play at half of the game because it was my turn.

I countered, "But it was just a brief interruption and then you returned to my side, and we resumed dancing together the entire night."

He brought my other hand up to place a light, lingering kiss on the inside of my wrist. His eyes danced and twinkled as he looked at me. He breathed me in with one long deep inhale before continuing to speak. "I remember being so stunned by your scent that first day in the biology classroom that I left Forks immediately and drove off to Alaska just to avoid hurting you."

Though it wasn't a question, I answered him, "But it was just a few short days later that you came back to Forks to face me, triumphantly."

He smiled again and leaned in gently to kiss my nose. This time he trailed his lips across my cheek and put his lips up to my ear.

My heart sputtered loudly, embarrassingly so, reminding me this was real and my heart was almost whole again—that's the only way my heart could have been affected by Edward in this way. He had always caused vibrations through my heart that were uncomfortable and delightful at the same time. The air was suddenly warmer, wrapping around us with the glow of the light and with the low murmur of singing from outside.

"I remember telling you that we shouldn't be friends after I saved you from the van." He brushed against my ear with his cool breath, blowing a few strands of my hair lightly enough to make me shiver slightly.

"But yet, not long after, you told me you were tired of trying to stay away from me."

He sighed, either breathing me in or giving in to my game completely, and brought his face back in front of mine. I leaned up and kissed his lips, touching them once softly.

"And wouldn't you say we became more than friends?" I arched my eyebrow waiting for his response. I looked up into his eyes, hopeful for some sign of validation that we were still more than friends — that we even could be. _G__ot it!_

This time it was his mouth crushed against mine with none of the fear I remembered. His body pinned me slightly against the wall, and I responded with my tongue pushing into his mouth. He broke away from my mouth to kiss my neck, my cheek, my earlobe—with urgency and with such vampire speed that I never felt his lips not on my skin.

I pulled his face back up to me, holding his jaw steady, now ready to confront him. Despite my depression since he left, despite what I had just witnessed, I had never wanted Edward Anthony Masen Cullen more than I did in that moment. I needed to tell him.

"Not only are you a liar Edward Cullen, you are a very confused 17-year-old boy who keeps running toward me and a very tormented 109-year-old vampire who keeps running _away_ from me."

I wanted to go on and on, to tell him he's a roller coaster, he's a Katy Perry song, he's an unending cycle.

I reached up to kiss him again, first on his cheek, letting our fingers intertwine while holding our hands out to our sides, as I began gently steering him backwards, kissing up and down his neck as far as I could reach on my tiptoes. He easily complied, steadying me so I couldn't fall while walking, gliding us slowly across the little room until his back was against the far wall under the window.

Admittedly, with what wits I could maintain, I began teasing him—kissing and tugging at his top lip and pulling away, kissing his bottom lip and pulling away, kissing his nose when he leaned his lips in toward mine, darting my head to one side to kiss his cheek, then kissing his lips but pulling away when his tongue snaked out. I licked up his neck but pulled away when he tried to capture my lips. He tried to let me have my fun but then groaned, releasing his hold on me. I pulled back ready to taunt him verbally.

"What's the matter? You aren't confused by all my pulling away, are you?" I asked playfully.

"Hardly," he panted.

"Frustrated with my indecisiveness, Edward?"

"Yeah." The word stuck in his throat. Never before had I heard a word get stuck in his throat.

I continued to play my teasing game until finally he moaned loudly in frustration and grabbed the back of my neck securely to once again kiss me passionately. The sparks around my heart fired off little shots in all directions of my body. I relaxed, kissing him to the point that I forgot where we were or what I had just been through. I only knew I was there with just Edward and he was kissing me like we had never been apart.

No, I'm wrong. He hadn't kissed me like this before. He was kissing me like we had been apart much, much longer than we were. My fingers grasped at strands of his hair, tugging and pulling. I was aware of his right hand sliding down from my neck, moving slowly down my arm before dipping under the robe. His hand slid across my ribs and over my waist, tracing along my hip and down my leg, stopping to rest his long fingers under my knee.

In one quick move, he pulled my leg up, hitching it around his hip.

This wasn't the type of thing he usually allowed. I gasped in reaction and looked at him, stunned; his eyes opened, meeting mine briefly as his lips curved up at the corners, and then he deepened the intensity of our kiss.

Passion intoxicated my blood as it raged and raced within me. I clung to his neck desperately and felt him throw himself backwards into the wall so fiercely that I heard stone crack. Despite his cold hands, I was burning. I wanted to give him everything in this moment—every inch of me, inside and out. And I didn't care what his reasons for leaving were as I pressed into him. I heard more of the wall behind him being ground into and pieces of stone hitting the floor. When he broke the kiss, he released my leg and moved to touch our foreheads whispering my name slowly as if he was too breathless to speak. I barely heard it over my own ragged breathing. This time it took longer for all of the sparks to stop coursing through my body. He let his forehead skim mine slightly, lulling me back to a normal breathing rate.

His face scrunched up. "Why are you making this so easy for me?" he asked with a confused agitation as he softly caressed and tucked waves of hair behind my ears.

I stammered, caught off guard by his question. "I…I didn't realize I was. Aren't you struggling to control the venom?"

"I don't mean that. I mean after that day in the forest…what I said to you, how I left you. I feel like I'm dreaming to have you here, like this… granted, it's the sweetest dream ever ...but one that shouldn't be real."

He shuddered suddenly, looking at me in surprise of the line I had just crossed.

I smirked. Just as he spoke his last words, I ran my hand up under his robe starting from his thigh, grazing his arousal, trailing up his stomach, over his chest, and reaching into his shirt pocket to retrieve an item I had felt as I had clung to him.

Knowing what it was without looking at it, I held up the rectangular piece of shiny paper, showing it to him. "Wow, carrying this around with you? That's a little sentimental, isn't it? You don't seem like someone who is looking to be easily distracted or someone who is tired of pretending to be something he's not. At least not to me, it doesn't look that way."

He spread his legs slightly and pulled me closer to him, wrapping his arms around me.

His words were spoken softly with care. "I never pretended with you, at least not until those last moments in the forest. . . And those days I ignored you after the van accident. But . . . I've always wanted to be with you Bella; I just didn't think it was right."

_Was he talking about being with me physically at this point?_ I was distracted by the thought…

"You need to know that I didn't mean any of it. I lied . . .and you. . . believed me far too easily."

I stroked his temple lightly, sobbing softly. There was hurt in his voice I couldn't bear. The last time I heard him sound like that was the day he found me bleeding at the hand of James, apologizing to me. "I do know. Edward, you've been fighting everything for so long—always struggling to resist your nature, to resist my blood. You don't have to struggle alone anymore. I should have fought for you to stay with me. I let you go because I thought you didn't want me. I had always feared that you would realize it didn't make sense to be with me, that you didn't want to have to put up with me being human. It took me awhile to figure it all out, but I think you left to protect me." I paused knowing he wasn't going to go for my solution to all of this, changing me. "I'm not saying I have all of the answers right now, but come back to Forks with me, and let's figure out how to make it right and be together, together. How could you making decisions for the both of us have been the right thing to do?"

"Bella, I keep putting your life in danger—first with James, then Jasper—and of course I can barely even trust myself. And now you're here; do you have any idea where you are? That you are literally in the center of the vampire universe? How is it that you are even here?"

"_I-_ I'm here for you…" I stumbled, remembering I wasn't in Forks. Being with Edward just felt like being home.

"But how could you have known where? When I left I thought I was clear that you would never see me again…"

I interrupted him sternly. "Edward, I once asked you to let me know the next time you planned on ignoring me for my own good. That time in the cafeteria. . ."

He put his head down slightly. "I remember."

"You do? And yet, you didn't listen to me? Don't _I_ ever count? Are _my_ requests not important?"

"Bella, of course you count!" he exclaimed overwhelmingly. "More than anyone! More than my own self! Why do you think I walked away? You wanted me to change you, but you're still too young to realize what I'd be taking you away from in this world. You don't know all the things I'd be asking you to give up to be with me."

I braced myself for a moment to get the courage to explain to him. I felt the sensation rise from my stomach and fortify me. "Edward, I need you to listen to me. This time I'm _not_ asking, I'm telling you. I don't want you to ignore me or leave me for my own good. I may be a child to you but I've been self-reliant for a number of years and then you came along and my self-reliance wasn't good enough…."

He interrupted me furiously trying to explain himself.

"Bella! Don't you see? _That_ is why I left! That is why I forced myself to walk away!" he pleaded. "Even with you still being human, I felt like I was tearing you away from your world all of the time and unfairly asking you to be different in order to be a part of my world. It was my job to protect you. I'm the stronger one."

"Really, Edward? Can I finish?" I felt my cheeks go crimson and warm, a strange mix of fury and blush.

"Sorry," he muttered as he pressed his icy lips to my nose in apology, but the proximity to my lips was too close to ignore, so I closed my eyes, pressed my lips together, and tilted my head up. His mouth met mine, just lightly on the lips, until I opened slightly and deepened the kiss, then ended it naturally.

"What was I saying?" I brought my hand up to my head, pressing my index finger and thumb lightly to my temple. "That's not fair to distract me like that." I tried to regain my wits, shaking my head slightly.

"I believe you sought out that distraction, Ms. Swan, but it was very welcome—and warm." He stroked my cheek slightly with his thumb and blinked out purposefully. "I just … I still can't believe you're here. Standing here. In front of me…" He moved his hands to grasp my shoulders then slightly moved me from side to side me as he examined me up and down.

"Edward!" I said sternly to get his attention, as he licked his lips and leaned in toward me again.

"Edward! Stop. Please, I need to get through this." I wasn't fast enough and his mouth was already covering mine as his fingers moved to intertwine through my soft curls until he was tightly gripping the nape of my neck, holding me close to him. He stopped abruptly and, in a flash, had left and moved under the opened window.

_What happened?_

_Was he regretting everything he just admitted to me?_

_Was he going to take it all back?_

"No Edward, don't!"

"Give me a moment," he responded.

I watched as his chest rose and fell twice, realizing it was fresh air he needed to breathe in. He turned to give me a slight smile. "Sorry," he said as he made his way over to me slowly, "I thought I had it all under control, but I got so caught up in you that I forgot to monitor myself. It's a bit more difficult having not been so close to you in so long. It won't happen again."

I felt relieved to still have so much of an effect on him. I'd rather him succumb to the blood lust than to have him walk away from me. I took the time to gather my thoughts and try to shape them into something that was going to be comprehensible to him, convincing even. He returned and hesitantly picked up my hands keeping a fair amount of space between us. "You were saying something about your self-reliance. Please continue."

My eyes prickled as I looked back into his. "I was _saying_ that I was a self-reliant and self-sufficient half to something—and it wasn't to Renee's scatter-brained parenting style or Charlie's domestic inabilities—it was to you, to the heart of a lonely 17-year-old boy and to the soul of 109-year-old vampire."

At the mention of the "s" word Edward opened his mouth to interrupt me. I pulled away one hand and lifted my index finger to his lips again to stop him. He quickly captured my finger with his hand and held it to his lips.

"Yes, to your _soul, _okay? It's like..." I exhaled a heavy breath. "I'm the key to your lock and you're the Yin to my Yang. And it doesn't really matter if I'm eighteen years old or eighty, it's not something that will ever, ever change just because _you_ had reasons for walking away...Because... for me. . . when all is said and done. . . realizing all of this," I waved a hand between us, "...is the only difference that you coming into my life has forced upon me that really matters."

I paused not knowing if he could bear to hear the next part. Still, he needed to know. That's why I was here. To find him. To tell him everything. It's what Charlie told me I needed to do. I dropped my voice to a hushed tone.

"And I know that now because when you were gone I was lost. I had no reason to be self-sufficient. My self-reliance was barely there, a chore at best, and I almost completely shut down. I was barely functioning."

He stared into my eyes still rolling this all around in his head, the tormented look taking up residence again on his beautiful face.

"_Ugh!_" he growled in self defeat. "My beautiful Bella, how could I have done that to you? That wasn't part of the plan, I assure you." He reached for my hair. "I never wanted to submit you to any more agony than you felt that dreadful night of . . ."

"What? My birthday? Edward, _you_ felt agonized that night, not me! I tried to tell you that I was okay with everything—Jasper, my arm, my soul—but somehow you convinced yourself that there was shared agony over that night. I _have_ been in agony… but not caused by any of that." I paused. "It was caused by…"

"By me?" he whispered.

I nodded, hesitantly, then whispered back to him, "By you telling me you didn't want me anymore. And leaving me. And me not trying to stop you."

He pulled me into him, but I could tell that his line of sight fell straight down toward the floor now.

After a few moments of silence, which meant Edward brooding and beating himself up, I felt like I needed to lighten things up and find my 17-year-old boyfriend, even though my heart still pounded.

I cleared my throat and smirked up at him, "But I think we've already established that you, Edward Cullen, are the world's best liar." He opened his mouth, and I knew that whatever apologies he was going to say were already said today, and I pushed on with my words, intentionally trying to distract him.

"So why don't you tell me about this _human_ girl in the photo that you carry around with you in your inside shirt pocket…one might even say you are trying to keep her close to your heart."

I broke him. He switched gears and chuckled with the lightheartedness I needed him to feel.

He cupped my face. His eyes softened and lightened. With a gentle smile he said, "You're here. Let me look at you, please." I held out my arms. He scanned me up and down. "Are you sure you're leg is okay from falling?" He was stalling, and I was blushing.

"It's fine." I hadn't really thought about the pain of my knee at all. "Yes, I'm here. Here for you, Edward," I replied in a breathy whisper. "Tell me about the picture," I encouraged.

"Well she's definitely not a child to me. She's beautiful and smart. She has always had my heart, even if I ever gave her reason to doubt that. She's strong willed, one might even say stubborn. She's the key to my lock and the yin to my yang, or so she tells me." He smiled before scrunching up his face. "God, if she only knew how much I've missed her, how walking away from her was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, and how I've selfishly wished I could climb through her window every night and hold her ever since the day I walked away from her..."

He stopped himself and then pointed to the picture asking, "Do you see the girl in this picture right here?"

I nodded gently and pointed playfully. "This one you mean? Right here? Her?"

"Yes her," he hesitated, momentarily sucking in a quick breath. "I definitely don't deserve her, even if she would take me back forever, or at least until she orders me away."

"_Forever_?" I asked, cocking my eyebrow, my face bright with hope but my heart questioning what he meant by that.

He leaned his head down and kissed up my jaw line slowly. _First kiss. Second kiss. Third kiss. Fourth kiss._ When he reached my ear I felt his cool breath blow into it very slightly and his voice dropped down to a reassuring whisper.

"I dream about being with you forever, too."

My breath hitched then stopped completely.

He brought his face back to mine and his sweet breath, combined with those words, was emotional CPR—bringing me completely back to life after the day in the forest.

My vision blurred and my head felt light for a few seconds. As I regained my focus, I saw my 17-year-old boyfriend standing before me now, but still speaking with a hint of torment he was borrowing from his 109-year-old vampire self.

""I…" he sighed. "I love you, Isabella Swan. I hope you believe me when I say that I never stopped loving you."

"I do believe you," I replied softly, as I ran my hand through his hair, gently assuring him I didn't doubt his words. I did believe him.

"I don't know how to achieve your forgiveness, but I'm sorry about how much I hurt you. It hurt me too, more than you'll ever know." He leaned very slowly this time, making his way in to kiss me, in a careful way, giving me a kiss that was sweet, chaste, and patient. It reminded me of the first kiss he gave me after having just experienced the rush of running on his back. I closed my eyes and allowed for more. When I opened my eyes, I found him staring at me.

He was wrong; my heart did know how much it hurt him.

"Close your eyes." I whispered. "We're not standing on a cold, hard floor. We're standing in a field of lush green grass with flowers everywhere. There are purple daisies, yellow buttercups, bluebells…"

He kissed me, then added to my vision. "And the enticing scents of freesia and innocently sweet jasmine are all around us." He smiled as he inhaled deeply and whispered, "Our meadow." He was there with me and I kissed him back with more passion, then I finally pulled back just enough to speak into his mouth.

"I love you, Edward, forever," I spoke quietly, feeling a single tear fall down my right cheek and began to kiss him again until he pulled back to break the kiss.

"No matter what happens from here on out," he responded and resumed to my mouth, allowing occasional murmured apologies, declarations of love, and 'I missed you' sentiments to co-mingle, reassuring me of his continued affection for me. We continued to stand there kissing, with our eyes closed, this time declaring ourselves in the meadow of our memories.

Our reunion was abruptly cut short. Suddenly Edward pulled away and muttered something very low under his breath, then tightened his grip on me protectively. Fear ripped through me with its sharp blade as I realized Edward was positioning himself between me and the room's one and only entrance. Being so elated to see him had made me forget my circumstances. In one swift simultaneous movement, the lock broke and the thick wooden door swung open.

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_In case the line about Edward running toward Bella and running away from her seems familiar, it was from 'Midnight Sun.' Edward already knew this about himself. He was trying to figure out how to reconcile it, only he did it by himself because in a way, he's always been by himself. But now that Bella has picked up on it and called him out on it and gotten him to confess that he lied, he's going to have to stop the pattern. _

_Was Bella making it too easy on him? I think no...I think Bella's already worked out the 'whys' of his departure based on her conversations with her Dad, Rosalie, Carlisle and her Mom. And with new information from the wives, it was easy to realize he still loved her._

_And wouldn't Edward have taken a picture for himself of Bella from the photos he mailed out for her to send to her mom? Remember Bella knew it was missing when she looked through the pictures at her Mom's. That makes sense, right? He knew he was leaving at that point._

_Enough with the mushy. They've been found! Now what?_

_I'm so grateful to those of you who have shared your thoughts on this story! It's all very motivational!_


	17. Getting Caught

**Thank you for the new and renewed interest in this story and reviews. Reviews are pleasant little surprises to receive during my day. **

***If you haven't watched the amazing video to this story, now is the perfect time to do so, and it will all make sense!**

**Thanks to Lori!**

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does.

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Getting Caught

**Bella's POV**

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"Hey you two! Get a _room_!"

"I was under the impression we had one," Edward responded to a familiar booming voice I hadn't realized I missed so much until I heard it.

_Was it really?_ I peeked around Edward through the barely lit room, worried my ears were tricking me.

"Emmett?" I questioned at the hulking form that stood at the door. Edward released his grip on me as I sidestepped around him, showing myself.

Emmett approached me in a flash. "Can we hug? Do we hug now? Oh come here, I've missed the shits-and-giggles out of you, Punky!"

In the middle of his great big bear hug, I heard Edward warning Emmett about not crushing me. Emmett released me then looked me up and down, flipping my hands from side to side, not satisfied with what he was seeing. He glanced at Rose. "I don't see any scars. I don't know what you're talking about Rosie."

With that my feet were off the ground and swinging in the air.

"Put the little human down, Emmett! And I was talking about being mindful of her emotional scars." Rose spoke impatiently while rolling her eyes. She stood just inside the doorway with her arms crossed taking in the scene.

Edward stopped and stared at Rose with surprise as she looked to me and sighed, then claimed, "It's my turn." She closed the door behind her and walked over toward me, still talking, "And a hug is all you get because I didn't have time to stop for a coffee and muffin for you." I giggled and reached my arms out to her. After she released me, she turned to Edward.

"And you! I don't even know what to do about you." She directed a question back to me. "Bella, have you got this all under control now?" I smiled and nodded in return. I truly did.

Emmett laughed, "It sure sounded like she does." Emmett turned his back to us and crossed his arms making mock lip puckering and kissing noises. Immaturity was as natural to Emmett as running. "Whoa dude! Did you do that to the wall?" He pointed over to a crack in the wall that led down to a pile of stone debris on the floor under the window. I looked over at Edward in surprise; he put his index finger up to his mouth. He quickly went over, used his foot to stomp and ground the stone into dust, and scattered the pile with a light soccer kick of his foot.

Rose smirked in response to Emmett and teased, "Are you sure you don't need me to help tip the scales in your favor?"

"Nope, I don't even need you to try to tell me he is gay and that I should just walk away," I laughed.

Edward narrowed his eyes at Rose, and Emmett guffawed.

Both of them hugged Edward in silence and spoke to him in conversation that I was not privy to, but Edward looked over at me and then back to Rosalie. Emmett gave Edward a quick jab to his side with a big smile.

Rosalie curiously looked up to him. Something passed between them. He listened intently, nodded in acknowledgment then gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

I suspected they were making a certain amount of amends, which he confirmed with a line of reassurance to Rose. "You and I will try to do better from now on, okay?"

Rose smiled at him, a smile of agreement, and she gave him a peck on the cheek. "I'd like that," she said. "So would Esme."

Edward turned back to me. "You called Rose?"

I shrugged. _I thought it was a brave move on my part._

"I didn't want to alarm my Dad. I already knew she and Emmett were somewhere in Europe, so at the airport, I called Rose."

He must have still been reading her mind. "You found Carlisle and Rose?"

"Edward, stop rummaging through my mind. You might hear something you don't like. Lucky for you guys, we were only in Venice. We got here as quickly as we could; we just didn't realize we would find you both together. Uh, I mean at the same time. I mean like this… together. You two are _together_… _right_?" she finally asked hesitantly.

"Of course they're together," Emmett declared. "If we had gotten here five minutes later there probably wouldn't have been much of that wall even left!" Emmett laughed at his own joke.

Edward shot Emmett a look, and I blushed. Rosalie shook her head at Emmett, to which he scrunched up his face and shrugged. Edward approached me with a smile and smoothly put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his frame and kissing my forehead gently.

"They're together," Rose affirmed with a smile.

"It's good to see you," Edward said honestly. "And I'm indebted to you both for coming here solely with the intention to help Bella. Rose, I suspect I'm indebted to you for _much_ more."

"Pffft. . .for more than you know. Starting with the fact that when you left, _I_ had to move more than my normal share, and I ended up ruining my manicure."

"Don't listen to her Edward. We closed up the house fairly easily, but we left most of your stuff there. It was a rush job, but it's all there and covered with plastic, including your piano and that new monstrosity of a bed we had just gone through the trouble of setting up the day of Bella's _birth-._.."

"Yes, Emmett." Edward interrupted him firmly. "That's enough details, thank you. I've got it. Rose, I'll be sure to buy you a gift as a token of my gratitude." Edward narrowed his eyes at Emmett.

_A bed? _

"The day of my what?" I asked.

_My birthday? I didn't see a bed. I was upstairs before the party and...Oh! Edward insisted he wanted to spend a few moments alone with me but we never made it to his bedroom. He had escorted me to Carlisle's office before Alice came to get us._

"She doesn't know?" Rose asked, surprised.

"Know what?" I begged.

"It's nothing," Edward said, forcing a smile. "It was just another surprise I had for you that didn't work out that ill-fated night."

_A bed? _I asked myself again. "Can we talk about it later?" I pleaded.

"Sure," he fake smiled, again, pacifying me.

With our reunion of Rose and Emmett I felt more planted—my mental jigsaw puzzle was almost complete with not only Edward telling me he loved me, but also the response of Rose and Emmett, which reassured me of what Carlisle had said, that I was a part of _his_ family. I reached up to rub my thumb across my necklace. Edward's eyes followed my thumb, giving me a gentle squeeze at the curve of my shoulder.

I felt secure in having a place in this family. The presence of Emmett and Rosalie, however, had only provided a slight distraction. The reality of my situation was once again present. The very definitive realization that we were definitely not in our meadow, or anywhere near Forks for that matter, crashed down upon me.

I started anxiously releasing out of Edward's frame. "Are we leaving, now? The Volturi! We have to get away from them." I shivered. "I need to get back to my Dad and make sure he's okay."

Emmett pulled out his blackberry. "Sounds good to me! Let me just book four plane tickets and we'll all head home together." Emmett winked at me. "Since we're all...ya know...together. And maybe we can even all sit _together _on the plane."

"Where are your things?" Rose asked me.

"Forget my things. I've got my passport and license with me in my pocket and the rest I'm not going back for," I said taking a step toward the door.

Edward reached for my arm and I turned back to him. "Wait, Bella you never seemed to be forthcoming with any answers. What are you doing here in Italy? Why are you worried about the Volturi?"

"Well…" I hesitated knowing three sets of golden eyes were about to judge me. "Apparently…I..._sort of_ fell for vampire trickery again."

Emmett was amused by my admission. He laughed, "Really? You? How about we start calling you Danger-prone Daphne?"

"Yeah, really." Edward was less amused and looking at me perplexed, awaiting to hear the details. "Ummm, you see I got a letter inviting me to a foreign exchange student program here in Italy. At first I had no interest in leaving Forks because I kept hoping that you. . ." I looked over at Rose. "All of you," I added, "would come back for me. I only decided to respond to it because Rose said she knew you were making your way to Italy, and I thought there was some chance I could find you. I didn't realize it was set up by them, the Volturi, I swear! I just…I _just_ wanted to get to you somehow."

Edward's grip on me tensed and then he released me. In a movement I didn't see, he was against the wall and punching his fist through the stone. "Aro!" he growled. I shuddered at his controlled display of anger.

He turned back to me exclaiming wildly, his tone elevated. "Bella, you thought you could find me? Do you have _any_ idea how big Italy is? What danger you put yourself in? I only just arrived a little while ago. How long have you been here?"

I flinched from the harshness of his words and opened my mouth only slightly enough to stammer out my own words quietly.

"I- I thought maybe you might find me…catch my scent or sense me. Didn't you?"

"Yes Bella, but the proximity didn't span the entire countryside. It was utterly reckless of you to come here," he scolded.

I frowned to myself, somehow thinking that the effect of my blood's potency on him was stronger. His protective side was kicking into full force just like that first day on the mock baseball field.

"And you came here by yourself? Charlie let you go or does he think you're still in Florida?" Edward asked, still sounding annoyed as he approached me.

I giggled at the thought of Charlie. "Charlie's _been..._ trying to foster my independence, as long as it means me staying healthy. He thought I needed to spend some time away from Forks, get some distance. If he only knew, right?"

"So who found who?" Emmett asked pointing his finger back and forth at Edward and me.

Edward pulled a swatch of my robe up to his nose. "I thought I smelled your blood at the airport but told myself I was going crazy. Having daydreams, again." Edward checked outside the window then looked over at Emmett and Rose. "Then I found. . .a dollar bill with your blood on it and followed your scent."

I smiled, but Edward was in planning mode, scanning the area outside the window. Emmett and Rose looked at each other dumbfounded over my _note._

"We have to get Bella out of here before they find her. Aro has already read my mind; they know who she is to me. They know she's human. They made this big deal of coining her my singer."

"Your singer?" Rose questioned.

"La Tua Cantante. It means her blood calls out to me in song. If they set this up, then this can't be good." He continued to search outside through the small window.

"They've already seen me, and my God they are all just so creepy," I admitted.

"What? What do you mean they've seen you? Where?" Edward sounded angered.

"I don't know. Close by, where they live underground. They told me I was getting the grand tour as part of the program. I knew right away what they were. The leader introduced himself and shook my hand. He was just disgusting."

"Oh Jesus Bella, you let him touch you?" Edward asked enraged.

"Yes, but I got away. That's who I was running from when I tripped and fell in the fountain."

Emmett snickered to hear of my unfortunate accident.

"I should have been able to smell them on you sooner, but your blood is so strong to me again. And you're perfumed scent. It's all been masking it." He twisted a curl around his fingers.

"The wives insisted on doing this," I told him meekly.

"Let me get this straight," Emmett began. "Little Punky here can't walk and chew gum at the same time without breaking something but she managed to escape from the clutches of ruthless bloodsuckers?" Emmett laughed. "Bella! You're your own crazy-ass movie! I'm so glad I get to watch again!"

"Something's off. You don't just get away from the Volturi." Edward tensed his jaw and looked to Emmett. "They'll be coming for her. We've got to get her out of here now!" Edward protested once again, firmly gripping my arm as he instructed Rose and Emmett. "You'll help me, right?" Edward asked of them. "You'll ensure her safety?"

"Edward, man, of course," Emmett agreed.

"Bella, are you sure you have everything you need to get on a plane?" Rosalie asked again.

"Yeah, I have everything right here." I reached into my pocket and pulled out my license and passport. My precious slips of paper dropped, but before they could reach the floor, Edward had picked them up."

I staggered back realizing what he had in his hand. He looked at me incredulously through his deep eyes as his hand traveled softly down my arm to my wrist. His mouth opened widely but released no words.

"What about you Edward? Where are your things?" Rosalie asked as I tried to yank on Edward toward the door until he released his grip on my wrist,

"Edward?" Rosalie pressed.

I turned to look back at him. His face had shifted back into the 109-year-old tormented vampire, now with averted eyes. He took two steps backward.

"I can't leave," he said solemnly.

"What'd you say bro?" Emmett asked.

"I said. . ." Edward tilted his head and looked to me with agonized, apologetic eyes. "I can't leave."

~##~

_A few of your reviews suspected it was Rose and Emmett that found them, and you guys were right! Bella wanted to call Charlie from the airport to say she was in trouble, but instead she called Rose. She had Rose's number and she knew Rose was in Europe. I'm going to have to up my game to try to surprise you guys. :) I think I can do that. Yeah, I think I have a few surprises in store you won't have seen coming if you like little surprises/twists when you read. I know I do._

_What do you think of the bed fitting into the birthday scenario? Was that a surprise you didn't see coming? ;) Bella was all 'I don't want any gifts' but maybe Edward was prepared to give Bella a special gift after the party that night. *wink, wink* We all remember how agonized look of disappointment on Edward when Carlisle was examining Bella's wounds. Jasper had just ruined the poor guy's chance of finally getting laid. lolololololololololol _

_If he had more plans for that night that didn't come to be, wouldn't that be another reason he left her the day after her birthday? Way better than a dreamcatcher! Maybe it would even explain why he left her other gifts under her floorboards? Let me know what you think!_


	18. I Don't Want You To Come

**So what is most surprising about this next chapter is just how simple Edward's explanation is. Hopefully you'll accept this alternate version of events as easily able to exist in the world SM set up. **

**Thanks to Lori!**

***Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight characters.

* * *

I Don't Want You to Come

**Bella's POV**

~##~

Confusion and panic swept through me involuntarily and without warning.

"What?" I said faintly, hoping I didn't hear him right.

He looked at me pleadingly now. He couldn't hide the tortured features despite his neutral expression. "I said, I can't leave with you."

"_What_? No! _Why?_ What do you mean?" I yelled. "_Why...why not?"_

"_Shhhh_…please, Bella." In a quick movement I felt him lightly breeze my pocket and slowly zipper it back up, as he returned my slips of paper to me.

"What are you talking about? You said….but _you said! _I mean, I thought you were coming home to me…_with __me_." I backed myself up against the wall to help hold myself up. My legs were about to fail me. I could feel it. I was at the borderline of beginning to fall apart again, just like that day in the forest.

"Bella, I came to the Volturi to ask them for their help. In doing so, I had to offer my services to them in return."

Emmett asked, "What kind of help?"

Edward ran his fingers through his hair and groaned. "Ugh. When I left, I swore I would make sure Victoria wouldn't ever be a problem again. I was trying to track her, but I wasn't having much luck with it."

"You haven't had much experience with it," Rosalie added.

"It was more than that. I thought tracking just needed determination to follow the scent, but I was wrong. Tracking needs a certain level of concentration, strategy, and emotional detachment. I was too torn up with my own grief and self-loathing over leaving Bella, and it was getting in the way of me trying to focus. So I called Carlisle and asked him who could help me."

Emmett was about to interrupt him, but Edward knew what he was going to say. "Help me _without_ involving my family. I didn't want to hurt my family any more than I felt I already had by forcing all of you to leave Forks on my terms."

Rose attempted to whack Edward on the back of the head, but he evaded her swing. I felt myself sinking to the floor.

"Carlisle first suggested Garrett and Alistair, but I didn't feel like I had the time to track them down."

"Yeah, God knows where they are these days." Emmett laughed.

"Carlisle hesitantly suggested that if I came here and reminded the Volturi of his time spent with them, that they might feel obligated enough to lend me Demetri. He's not just their best tracker, from what we know, he's _thee_ best tracker. Better than James ever was. So that is why I came here, to lobby them for help."

"And Victoria?" Rose asked. Edward turned to her.

"We tracked her over three continents and ended up destroying her in Canada, just a few days ago. Then we made our way down to Denali and threatened Laurent that if he tried to come near our family, including Bella, he would meet the same fate. Ah, I should have killed him too because I read his mind, and I don't think he's going to last more than another six months without human blood."

Emmett hissed, "Well I can always pop in and remind him of your threat." Edward nodded in appreciation of Emmett's offer.

"So you saw Alice?" Rosalie asked hopefully.

"No. Tanya said she had already left to find out information about her birth family."

"So then you know about her and Jasper?" Rosalie insinuated something more.

"Yes, I do," he said putting his head down and then speaking quickly under his breath.

"Ooh, I bet Tanya was happy to see you Eddie boy." Emmett laughed, but stopped when Rosalie shot him a look, and Edward shook his head in disgust.

Emmett put his hands up in the air. "Sorry, bad time for funny-Emmett. I get it. Continue." He waved Edward on.

Edward resumed in his normal tone. "Before I left in search of Victoria, Aro realized I had a special talent. On the flight back, Demetri informed me of Aro's _request_ that I return the favor."

I had pulled my knees into my chest, and began rocking slightly. I could feel my insides starting to unravel. I wrapped the velvet robe around me as tightly as I could and heard myself humming.

"So they want you to join their guard, is that it?" Emmett asked.

"I don't think so. They just want my help to resolve a conflict with the Russians, according to Demetri. But Aro's smart. He didn't divulge more than he wanted to to Demetri because he knows I can read his mind. I'll find out more tomorrow. Demetri told me I had until morning to return with my decision."

Emmett realized, "They need you to be their secret weapon?"

Edward nodded, "He needs to know what he's up against. But Aro's idea to bring Bella here...He must have thought of that while I was away. His only thoughts around me were how foolish I was to fall for a human. How absurd it seemed. He assumed I would kill her and didn't seem to worry himself with the matter much. And he tried to use another from his guard to evaluate if I could be bound to . . ."

Edward looked around and realized I had inched myself off into the far corner. He came over and knelt down in front of me, but I buried my face into my hands. "Bella, please look at me. This changes nothing about how I feel about you, or how I want to be with you. I have to do this, or else I know they'll try to hurt you to get to me."

"Edward, we need to move, then. Rosalie and I can handle everything with Bella, but are you're gonna be okay? Who is going to watch your back, man? Maybe I should go with you."

_Everything in that tiny room was closing in on me. _"Don't leave me, again," I whispered, stunned and pleading, grasping at his robe and holding it tightly, begging him with my eyes.

"I'm _not_ leaving you. It's _not_ like before," Edward answered.

"It _is_ like before. I can already feel it, Edward! You knew this whole time, but you let me think you were coming back with me, for me. You said _forever!_" I whimpered.

"No Bella, it's not like before because..." he hissed back at me with impatience, "I'm not walking away from us, or our forever."

He stroked my face lightly with his thumb, and then cupped my chin in an effort to calm himself, and me, before whispering, "Bella, please understand, I have to do this."

"Then I want to come with you Edward!"

"_NO!_ I don't want you to come with me!" he growled defensively.

I looked up at him and started to cry soft sobs, feeling the scorching pain from that bitter day in the forest all over again. He swept me up into his arms and held me to him.

"Shhhh…I'm sorry. It's not the same. You can't come with me because I'll be on a dangerous secret mission surrounded by vampires. But once it's done I'm going to come back to you, Bella, in Forks and we'll figure things out together, just like you said. I promise you."

"You _promise_ me?" I pulled away from him. "Don't use that word with me, Edward. That means _nothing_ to me coming from you!" I sobbed and beat my fists against his chest. "Nothing!"

"Bella. . ."

"Edward," Rose called for his attention. He looked to Rose, his expression changing at whatever thoughts she was showing him.

In a calm voice, Edward started, "Bella, I know you think I deserve that, but I need to explain this better to you." He took my fists in his hands, keeping them still. "Listen, please, there's something you should know. At the time I said those words out loud, I was promising _myself_ more than I was promising you." He paused, searching for the words. "I just needed…some kind of rule to adhere to, in order to force myself to walk away, to give you up and let you go on with your life without me. I needed a rule that I wouldn't break. You have no idea how difficult it was for me to leave you. It was the hardest thing I've done in one hundred years, even harder than resisting killing you that first day in biology class."

He held me so he could look deep into my eyes. He took hold of my chin and held it firmly, making it impossible for me to look away, wiping away my tears with his thumb.

"But it was stupid of me to think I could stay away from you…I didn't know what I was doing. I was too full of anger and grief over everything that had happened to you. I _didn't_ want us to be apart. I still don't."

"Then let me come with you and Emmett and Rosalie. They'll protect me while you do what you need to do."

He dropped his hold on my chin, not happy with my suggestion.

"Bella? How can you ask me to do that? Think about it! Ten minutes ago you wanted to get away from here. The Russian vampires are going to be even less tolerant. I won't risk losing you out of stupidity, yours or mine! You have _no idea_ how volatile these vampires are!"

"Do _you_?" Rosalie asked.

Edward turned to answer her. "No. I only know that they are unrefined, uncivilized, and have plotted to overthrow the Volturi many times over the years. They want to be the ones sitting in the seats of power. Demetri says it has been about six centuries since they last tried to attack the Volturi and now there are new members. The Volturi has gotten word there is talk of another rebellion."

"So what. . .they want you to go in and spy on them? What are you James Bloodsucking Bond now?" I blurted out.

Emmett bellowed a laugh. "Did I mention how much I missed this girl?"

Edward smirked, "I know you're upset, but God I need you to know how much you can still surprise me with your reactions." He kissed my hair and I could feel his head bobbing up and down as he chuckled lightly alongside my head.

Emmett looked at Edward questioningly but Edward tapped his head in response.

"Edward, this isn't funny for Bella, can't you see that?" Rosalie said defensively. "Isn't there any way to get out of this? I mean isn't this vampire blackmail or something? Maybe we should call Carlisle."

"And tell him what, Rose? They helped me in something they deemed a personal matter. I'm going to have to help them in return, out of respect and now to protect Bella. That's all there is to it. I was a wreck when I showed up here and Aro knows it. He's using it to his advantage." Edward scoffed still holding me.

"Once they have my answer, I'll have to leave right away and I don't know for how long. Emmett and Rose, I need you guys to get Bella home safely and look out for her until I get back. Are you both willing to do that for me?"

Emmett and Rose nodded in agreement.

"I don't want to give the Volturi another chance to get to Bella. If anything happens in Forks, don't take her to Denali as long as Laurent is there."

I felt myself shaking in his arms. I closed my eyes and began reliving a nightmare. Had I ever woken up from the last one? I thought I had. I thought I heard him tell me he loved me and wanted to be with me _forever_.

"Bella, sweetheart, I'm begging you. Just listen to me. It's not the same. I'll prove it to you! Look! Open your eyes, please."

He reached under his robe toward his back pocket, like he was pulling out his wallet.

"Is that mine?"

He nodded.

"You have my…"

He smiled.

"Edward, why do you have my knitted hat?"

He chuckled as he put it up to his nose, breathing in deeply and smiling at me with his eyes.

"Bella, when was the last time you were home?"

"Um, not since the day after Thanksgiving. I flew to Italy from Florida."

"Yeah, you wouldn't have needed this hat there." He chuckled. "You remember how I said after we annihilated Victoria we traveled to Denali?"

I nodded _yes_ in agreement.

"I saw what all of this had done to my family, especially to Alice and Esme, through the thoughts of Tanya and Kate. I couldn't stand the thought of Alice punishing herself by breaking away from Jasper. With Victoria dead, it became easier to think more clearly about what happened the night of your birthday." He chuckled lightly. "You were right about me running away and returning to you, but there's one more time that I suspect you don't know about. You see, once again, I found myself in the open domain of Alaska, realizing I needed to come back to you, to tell you so you knew at least that I was trying to protect you from the dangers of my world, and just like Alice, I was trying to punish myself for exposing you to those dangers."

I looked at him, astonished, but hanging on to his every word. He had been so close. They all had been._  
_

"I explained to Demetri that I needed to check on my family alone and told him I would meet back up with him the next day. I rented a car and drove to Forks, first to your house, and then to school, but school was out for the day. I searched for you all through Forks and when you didn't come home I was worried sick that something had happened to you. I thought of every possible bad scenario. It was like. . . _ugh_, that day I went hunting at Goat Rocks with Emmett all over again."

Emmett groaned at the memory, but Rosalie elbowed him, to which he grabbed her arm and held her tight, wrapping his other arm around her in a supportive embrace.

"I raced all through the woods to the treaty line, through the meadow, and circled back to the hospital. I drove past our house and even considered you might be at La Push because I couldn't trace your scent anywhere. I made it back to your house and sat in your truck. The longer I sat there worrying about you, the clearer it became to me that I needed you and needed to be with you. I tried…"

"Wait," I said, putting my hand upon his chest under the robe, directly over his heart. He stopped and looked at me questioningly. "Can you say that again, please?"

He covered my hand with his, smiled unabashedly and spoke firmly.

"I said, _I need you_."

In a flash he had turned my hand, with his following, so they were now placed over my own heart. "I need this," he whispered.

"Oh," was all I could manage in response, but my heart chose to respond differently, a with a colossal surge of fulfillment, love.

"I tried to call Alice, to see if she saw anything but she didn't answer. Then I sat in your room waiting for you, but the longer I waited, the more I convinced myself that the worst thing in the world had happened to you. All I could do was blame myself that I hadn't been there to protect you."

He stopped to search my eyes with his most concentrated, detached 109-year-old look of torment, the one I had seen the night of my birthday party.

"I told you it was my job to protect you. I felt like I was protecting you when I left to keep you away from the dangers of my world, but to sit there and think that something happened to you, that you could be dead and I wasn't there to save you, made me want to die, too."

He dropped my hand lightly and took time to tousle his bronzed waves, then quickly stroked my cheek.

"All that clarity I had experienced in Denali was lost again. I finally drove to the police station and called from my car hoping to talk to Charlie. When the officer told me he wasn't there, I read his mind and found out you were with your mom in Florida. I felt so relieved to know you were safe and with your family. I would have tried to go there but I couldn't put Demetri off any longer. I knew we had more business to attend to out that way before returning to Italy."

"You came back? For me?" I must have looked bewildered. I felt loss in missing out on the reunion I had desperately been waiting for all those days.

As he flashed his crooked smile at me in response, I could suddenly feel my body starting to gel back together—patterns forming, outlines defined, definition filled in, connections made.

"Well, I tried. If I had any idea you were planning on coming here I _would_ have gone to Florida," he said with a hint of anger to his voice, but I knew it was because he wanted to protect me. I felt relieved and…curious.

"But I'm _curious, _why did you take my hat?" I asked.

He laughed, running his fingers through his hair again, this time seemingly… embarrassed?

"I actually took a few of your things, Bella. I hope you don't call me a thief." He chuckled again nervously. "I just needed to have your scent. I missed you, and after being in your truck and in your room I just couldn't walk away again without something more substantial of you to keep with me. With your hat I got the added strawberry swirl of your hair." He laughed out loud again, this time more so, seemingly amused at himself.

I wrapped my arms around his chilled neck, my eyes starry in wonderment at him, and allowed him to slowly pull me up to standing. His words melted my anger and softened my voice.

"You had my heart, wasn't that enough?" I asked lightheartedly, but his response was very serious.

"How could I have ever deserved to think that? Especially after the blasphemous things I said to you?" He returned the starry look, his gaze holding my eyes. After a moment of savoring his arms around me I threw my hands up in frustration at the thought of what he had told me.

"Well you didn't deserve to think you should die!" I replied and then realized we didn't need to go down this road again, so I took the opportunity to kiss him, letting my hands fall down around his cheeks as I stretched up on my tiptoes. It was a gentle kiss of gratitude.

"Here comes the stone wall crashing down," Emmett snickered, but I ignored him. We ignored him.

I pulled away and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face into his chest. "I'm sorry I wasn't there waiting for you," I whispered. "I had been, you know…waiting. I can't believe you are asking me to be apart from you any longer. It physically hurt too much to be away from you," I pleaded solemnly as he stroked my hair again lightly.

_"For me, too."_ I heard him whisper the words twice and sigh as our foreheads lightly touched. I could feel his breath land like tiny snow droplets on my skin.

"I'm begging you Bella not to be stubborn over this. Can you please go back with Emmett and Rose so I know you are safe? And this time _is_ different."

He had pleaded for me to believe him but he didn't need to—my heart already knew. This moment didn't feel like giving in or giving up, it was giving way to my heart. He _had_ been out there and in pain. The nightmares, the writhing, the screaming, the intense pain I felt while physically separated from him, I had felt doubly so because it was not just my pain I suffered through. I knew now that the wives were right.

My heart carried the burden of _his_ pain, too.

I nodded my head _yes _to him, realizing I had no choice in the matter, and yet that I_ was_ making a choice this time as opposed to the day in the forest. He knows how I feel, and he would be back for me. We did have a cosmic pull toward each other, more so than I had ever realized before this moment—there was a truth about why we were so connected and why the blood coursing through my veins called out to him. His vampiric instincts may have reacted to the scent of my blood originally, but it was his soul he thought he didn't have that recognized the source of the driving force that pumped the blood through me, the origin that sat nestled within my chest.

I looked up at him through dazzled eyes and my dreamy haze—knowing.

Understanding.

Yearning.

"Yes Edward, I will, because I know now."

"You mean you understand?"

"No, I know. I know now, Edward, that my heart beats for both of us."

Edward leaned in to kiss my forehead tenderly and rested his chin above my head whispering in response, "How do you…" He cut off suddenly, his face turned directly to the door.

"Edward!" Emmett commanded suddenly.

In a fraction of a second and in a whoosh I barely felt, I was suddenly up against the corner of the room with Edward, Rose, and Emmett all perched in protective stances in front of me. A chorus of growling and snarling erupted around my racing heart.

~##~

_Thanks for reading! Thanks for reviewing._

_In New Moon, Edward admits he was trying to track Victoria but didn't have much luck. Asking an expert for help doesn't seem so far fetched an idea does it? _

_Okay, now they are really caught! Theories on what will happen next? :) Is there any way for Edward to get out of this? If you've been following along, then there's some good details to play around with..._


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